I got a letter from H&R today...

[TerryBPP]

Cursing at Work
> >
> > Dear Employees:
> >
> > It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
> > through out the company have been using foul language during the
course
> > of normal conversation with their co-workers.
> >
> > Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily
> > offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
> >
> > We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
> > accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
> >
> > Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have
> > been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can
> > continue in an effective manner.
> >
> > Number 1
> > TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
> > INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ yo u're doing.
> >
> > Number 2
> > TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
> > INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
> >
> > Number 3
> > TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
> > INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
> >
> > Number 4
> > TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
> > INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
> >
> > Number 5
> > TRY SAYING: Really?
> > INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
> >
> > Number 6
> > TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
> > INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
> >
> > Number 7
> > TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
> > INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
> >
> > Number 8
> > TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
> > INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
> >
> > Number 9
> > TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
> > INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
> >
> > Number 10
> > TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
> > INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
> >
> > Number 11
> > TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.
> > INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
> >
> > Number 12
> > TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
> > INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
> >
> > Number 13
> > TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
> > INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
> >
> > Number 14
> > TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
> > INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
> >
> > Number 15
> > TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
> > INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
> >
> > Number 16
> > TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
> > INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
> >
> > Number 17
> > TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
> > INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
> >
> > Number 18
> > TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
> > INSTEAD OF: He's a f___ing pr_ck.
> >
> > Thank You,
> > Human Resources

[stevepaa]

lol,

thanks i needed that, what with all the talk about the Yellowstone volcano erupting and killing us all

[legion]

I thought this thread would be about Harrington and Richardson.

[BRPORSCHE]

Legion, you need to get your mind off guns!

[legion]

Hey! I resemble that remark...

[onewhippedpuppy]

Sounds like a lot of bull***** to me.

[frogger]

Let me see if I can fix the copier for you.

[widgeon13]

I'm partial to #12.

[911Rob]

Already pirated the list and sent it out to my staff.
Love the humour, its very funny.

(I didn't send it to those whom I thought it would offend)

Thanks T!

[911boost]

Hmm, I thought maybe there was something wrong with your springs.

[the]

Originally Posted by BSiple

Hmm, I thought maybe there was something wrong with your springs.

LOL.

"H&R?"

The department that covers the Humans, AND the Resources too!

[RickM]

I thought you had tax problems

[peppy]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve5bVP5dz4E

I hope this works.

[M.D. Holloway]

#8, 11, 15 for me!

[scottmandue]

I think this was also posted here... so I stole it and now am reposting it... because I am evil.

1. I see your point, but I still think you're full of *****.
2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...
11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!
20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
23. And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

[911Rob]

OK, I stole that list now too.
Love it;

My personal favorite:

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

[sammyg2]

24. Do I look like a people person?