Politically Correct Holiday Office Party

[Por_sha911]

December 1st TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional caroles. Feel free to sing along! And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time. No gift should be over $10.

Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
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December 2nd TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year.) However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas caroles sung.

Happy Holidays to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
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December 3rd TO: ALL
EMPLOYEES

Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request. However, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads, "AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gift exchange. No gifts will be allowed since the union members feel that $10 is too much money.

Patty Lewis
Human Researchers Director
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December 7th TO: ALL
EMPLOYEES

I've arranged for members of Overeaters Anonymous to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now?

Patty Lewis
Human Racehorses Director
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December 9th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our CEO to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit."

Patty Lewis Human Rat-races
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December 10th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit, whether you like it or not. You can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponic tomatoes. But, you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now...Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me?

The Witch from Hell
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December 14th TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.

Happy Holidays!
Terri Bishop
Acting Human Resources Director

[svandamme]

lol

i remember something similar in my last company in Rotterdam

mail goes out

blalbalba xmas party , there and there, bus will be arrangedblablbla
reception, speeches,walking diner, then drinks and dance, bar closes at 11h00


imidiately followed by a spam wave of like 20 reply to all's

- WHAT BAR CLOSES AT 11??? these cutbacks are ridiciulous

- can we skip the food and just get booze instead?

- why the speeches, isn't a party supposed to be fun?

- will there be a separate bar for sales and tech?
last year the sales drank all the beer before we got there, they finish an hour earlier, it's not fair

- last year there was just crappy beer
will there be liquor this year??



i'm not making this up

[Porsche-O-Phile]

We had ours last night. Low-key and reasonably fun. Just group dinner at a local restaurant. We were supposed to all go drunken bowling afterwards but I couldn't find the place so said "f it " and just went home. Oh well. I never particularly cared for those kinds of "forced social situations" anyway.

[911Rob]

Ha, Ha, Ha, Ho, Ho, Ho!
Very funny Terry.

With all this Happy Holiday stuff; man I just can't stop feeling like I'm being kicked in the balls?

Go to China, India, Europe, Russia or any other Countries in the World and try to bring your political views, Religous views, etc with you?

Like my partner says, "It's a good time to be a Native"

My "CHRISTmas Party is tonight"

[968rz]

F all this PC ****....

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE and Happy new Year

[968rz]

That's not a bad idea, most everyone is WAY busy at x-mass + it give folks a chance to prolong the festivities.

[vbaron]

Originally Posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts

I usually have the Pelican part in January, to celebrate the new year. Too busy and complicated to hold it in December...

-Wayne

Whose New Year's Wayne? You may be offending the Martian community!

[Joeaksa]

Originally Posted by 968rz

F all this PC ****....

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE and Happy new Year

Totally agree. Its like the idiots on the tube who keep pushing our saying "oh my gosh" when we all know its really "oh my God" but guess that God is out of their lives and they are having to make their lives politically correct.

Merry Christmas everyone!

[cool_chick]

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Totally agree. Its like the idiots on the tube who keep pushing our saying "oh my gosh" when we all know its really "oh my God" but guess that God is out of their lives and they are having to make their lives politically correct.

Merry Christmas everyone!

That's not a "pc" thing against the Christians, that's the Christians who don't like that. It's believed amongst Christians that "oh my God" is taking God's name in vain and breaking a commandment.

[cool_chick]

Originally Posted by svandamme

lol

i remember something similar in my last company in Rotterdam

mail goes out

blalbalba xmas party , there and there, bus will be arrangedblablbla
reception, speeches,walking diner, then drinks and dance, bar closes at 11h00


imidiately followed by a spam wave of like 20 reply to all's

- WHAT BAR CLOSES AT 11??? these cutbacks are ridiciulous

- can we skip the food and just get booze instead?

- why the speeches, isn't a party supposed to be fun?

- will there be a separate bar for sales and tech?
last year the sales drank all the beer before we got there, they finish an hour earlier, it's not fair

- last year there was just crappy beer
will there be liquor this year??



i'm not making this up

This is....


AWESOME.

This cracked me up. Great story.

[Palum6o]

Funny!

We should just all become Muslims and not worry about anything anymore!

Happy Chrismakwanzukka

(this makes me sick to my stomach)