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A Condensed Version of History
A Condensed Version of History
For those that don't know about history...... here is a condensed version. Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were: 1. The invention of beer, and 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just st ayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B BQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbol ized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history....... It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.... |
Yup......
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Byron, all your (rainbow-colored) chest pounding posts make me wonder if we're dealing with the Larry Craig of PPOT. We know from previous posts of yours that you were medically unfit to serve in the military. Why the bravado? Are you just compensating here? I hope I'm wrong.
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Whew! Glad I'm a Conservative.
..... OK, where's the coffee pot, I definately will need a refill........ (adlibed from Nostatic :) ah, the coffee part; I'm not sure he's a Conservative?) |
Oh, Look Ma! Another Dine and Dash thread.:rolleyes:
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I have many friends who have/are serving this country proudly, one of them forwarded this to me, I laughed & posted it. As a business owner, I also see a lot of what is written here. |
As a Republican, I am always wary of those that make the most (conservative) noise. Too many closet cases out there.
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There are NO Liberals serving in the armed forces.
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My best friend in college, who I met in the College Republicans campaigning for Reagan, joined the Navy as the most conservative right winger possible and emerged as a liberal. He got a masters in public administration and went to work for the state of New Mexico and was last seen supporting Bill Richardson. I never let him forget he's the only person i've ever heard of who became a Democrat after joining the military. He was in subs, too, so it's not like he had some wussey job.
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Do you know why your best friend took a left turn away from conservatism? |
A liberal is someone who has great plans to cure society....with my money.
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I; as a liberal of course, didn't read what Byron posted. I only saw the title "A Condensed Version of History", I saw who posted it and I immediately wondered how that title would somehow be made into a bash of liberals....and gee, guess what? I guess I have "...that ESPN or something".
When do the threads titles which include the invented terminology like "Conservitards" and so on begin? Oh, that's right....we're the ones that DON'T think we have it all figured out for everyone. They are the ones that do. Happy Holidays, Mis Amigos! |
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C'mon...you're only getting off a few cheap shots when you could be getting off so many more. C'mon, gotta give it the old "conserv-it-try!. (Byron will be along any second with a juvenile cartoon and a rant-riff. |
I've got a case of Bud Light in my kitchen and I have no idea who I'm going to give it to. But one thing is for sure. I'm sure not going to drink it. It's SnowCap season. And after that, I'll return to Inversion. And I don't eat raw fish but do like my steaks rare. And so perhaps I'm a liberal conservative. Or a conservative liberal. Or a Liberative. Or a Conservetal.
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Just about covers it. |
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By Jove, I think he's got it!! DARISC, let's parse your statement. "I got mine" translation, I worked hard and saved for it. "Screw those who think I'm going to spend a dime of it to try to fix what THEY see as problems in our society" Translation. "They" meaning someone other than me (the guy with the money) "see" their perception of problems. Yeah, you got it exactly. Someone who wants to use my money to solve that they see as problems in society, mind you my money, not their money. |
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No silly, Al Gore invented fire!
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Remind me to start a thread on that. |
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Too altruistic for your taste? |
DARISC, Shhhhhhh! Altruism is NOT allowed here. Anything to do with altruism is "PC" to them.
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Hey! I like my steak rare! Otherwise carry on...
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A young conservative, they say, has no heart.
An old liberal has no brain. |
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Winston Churchill said that I believe.
Its not about a social conscience or compassion. Its about other people deciding what is the "right" thing to do with my money. I'll give you an example. I don't have the citation, but a few weeks ago I was reading in the LA Times about a housing project in Chicago and how the housing police were cracking down for all kinds of minor violations as, in one residents mind, a way to "clear out" some people. Be that as it may, the resident who was being interviewed was a 74 or 75 year old lady who had lived there for 50 years. Stepping outside of the main story, I said to myself "What the fu(k is someone doing living in subsidized Federal housing for 50 years!! Lets see what I've done in the last 50 years...went to nursery, elementary, and high school. Went in the military, got out, put myself through college, worked, went to school at night for my Master's degree, worked, studied and went to school at night to get professional certifications, worked. What has she done in the past 50 years since she was 24 or 25 to improve her lot in life? Oh, and she had three kids but no husband, now or ever, that I could discern. This is a person who has been living on Federal handouts since Eisenhower. Its someone with a "social conscience" that was using MY taxpayers $$$ to allow this. This goes on today, and I don't see how raising my taxes, with the mantra that "I'm lucky, or I'm not paying my fair share" is something I should stand for. I pay more taxes than the average family of four in the US even makes. In fact, the "average" american family doesn't even pay enough taxes to put their own kids through public school. In Cali the per student costs the state pays are $7000 so if you have two kids you should be paying $14,000 per year or your kids education, let alone police, fire, roads, flood control, etc. To pay $14K for your kids education in Cali you need to have an adjusted gross income of around $150K (9% top tax rate). Again, this doesn't include police, fire, etc. I think people should pay taxes that are "fair" by that I mean what you take in goods and services from the state should be roughly close to what you pay in. Or we should at least start with that premise and go from there. How is it "fair" that one family pays $40k in taxes and another family the same size pays two bucks? I don't think we'd have such a bloated inefficient government (case in point the Los Angeles Unified School District, which paid $12 Million for a payroll system that doesn't work), and then spends several hundred thousand more on PR firms to stem the criticism of the flawed payroll system) if Joe six pack was paying taxes closer to his "fair share". |
Clearly we must combine the ATM with the voting booth. When you vote for a local bond or proposition there must a price tag clearly listed, and to register your vote you have to stick your credit card in to withdraw funds right then and there. Then lets see if those schools get funded...
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I like it!
The sad truth is that, in my mind, most people haven't got a clue what bonds really are, or how many are out there for the same things. We have highway bond monies that haven't been spent, well actually they have been spent, but not on what they were originally voted for, and they want more bond money for the same thing. State bonds are for nebulus things like "highways". Local bonds are usually for more defined things like street lights on Lincoln Blvd. between Wilshire and Venice Blvd. something you can more easily put your finger on. |
This is an appropriate contribution to the topic.
A young woman was about to finish her first year of college... Like so many others her age, she got caught up in the liberal movement that surrounds so many college campuses, once convinced, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words, redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the need for more government programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He responded by asking how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn't even have time for a boyfriend, and didn't really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying. Her father listened then asked, "How is your friend Audrey doing?" She replied, "Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA. She is so popular on campus; college for her is a blast. She's always invited to all the parties, and lots of times she doesn't even sh ow up for classes because she's too hung over." Her father asked her, "Why don't you go to the Dean's office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your GPA and give it to your friend Audrey, who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA." The daughter, visibly shocked by her father's suggestion, angrily fired back, "That's a crazy idea. How would that be fair? I've worked really hard for my grades! I've invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work. Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!" The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, "Welcome to the Republican Party." |
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I suppose the right analogy for your story would if our college girl achieved her 4.0 purely by cheating. In that case her hypocrisy is an appropriate example of present day Republicanism! * requiring $406 Billion in interest payments in 2006 alone. But hey, they didn't raise taxes, did they? What the f*ck do I care then? :D |
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Thanks for sharing, Byron. No matter where I stand politically, I found it entertaining.
Although, according to the list as per occupation, I am apparently a conservative.. I wonder if that is similar to a Swedish socialist.. :D |
Glad you agree that it took 2 years of clinton and a democratic congress to get us into this mess. Maybe one day.....
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Notices, the 60s, liberals, Big Johnson's failure of a social experiment,hmmm:p |
Singing Billy Bass: Liberal or Conservative?
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