Markus ol' buddy do I EVER hear you loud and clear. As a younger,divorced Dad I was feeling mighty low. So I focused on my children and their needs essentially putting my life on hold for a bit. I got through it, they got through it and now they're grown and gone and I have the freedom to explore life and all it's interesting littles niches. You're not going to have fulfillment in every breath doc so slow down,breathe deeply, embrace those young ones, and lie it as it comes. Because you can trust me on this, it CAN all disappear very quickly while you're looking for something more/better/different than what you have.

Now go have a drink, read a story to your kids then have another drink.

Well Markus, I guess the life of a "Fluffer" isn't all it's cracked up to be?:p

There's a lot of good advice here, I guess we all feel a bit unfulfilled at various times in our lives, simply unavoidable. Life assessment and "keeping your eye on the prize" can sometimes help shake you back to the realization of all the things/people you take for granted at times. Winter doldrums don't help either, but it all will pass. You need to find an exercise that will work for you. Good luck. I think I'm going to pick up a copy of "Passages", sounds like a good read.

Livi I seem to recall you're a guitar player? Write a song. Or attempt to write a song. Many of the guys I know who have written great stuff have done it when they are in a funk. Or just crank it up and jam. Works for me.

Yup, I totally agree. And for the record, I AM a believer.

There's another old saying that I like (at times like this):

Want to make God laugh?
Tell him your plans.

Think about it.


The numbness won't pass, so much as blend into the background. At 48 I can say honestly that I know what you're saying. Very little these days that gets the gears really turning. Great wife, kids, decent job...but nothing that really stirs the ol Mojo. I like that 2nd adult theory...it fits. That alone is good enough.

Wife and kids just pulled cookies out of the oven. Later...

2 scoops of raisins in Kellogs raisin brand

Livi? Suck it up! If you think 40 is bad? Wait until you're pushing 65...pulling 40? Gawd, I'd love to be doing that again....

Check your location - that's your real problem

it's mid-winter -- you have to make it past Feb. and then you'll prob. be giddy in March/April on into summer.

SAD light therapy can help
also caffeine can partially substitute for sunlight (ask anybody in the US PNW)...
- if neither works, then getting chased by a large voracious predator will change your mood in a hurry

Marcus, I think THE has hit on a solid lead with Gail Sheehy and the idea of a second adulthood with a different scoring system. That really resonates with me as I am well past 40(ancient history) and the whole competition rat race is a bit hollow now. I find the most satisfaction in helping others as I can, and contributing as I can in the community and church, finding much greater value in giving than receiving. In the act of giving and contributing selflessly, one does find reconnection and a greater self-worth, because others sense your presence as non-competitive and nurturing and the love gets returned. All a very positive karma. And all that giving gets returned in other forms and at other times you least expect it. What goes around comes around, as they say..
Some of this will be completely rejected as soft-headed by those folks that haven't arrived at this stage of life, some will never get it. However, it does help fade some of the emptiness that all of us encounter from time to time. I think some of the emptiness is a result of our sometimes misplaced urge to acquire things and wealth, placing those things above family, community and giving back as a life's achievement. The emptiness comes when you hit all your goals and nothing happens, just the expectation that the same pattern will continue. Something DOES happen around 40, and this may be a part of it.

I am by no means promoting the idea of giving everything away, rather the idea of using your powers for good and positive things, taking personal action when you can. And that act of helping can help remove that funky cloud you are currently under. Simple plan. Reconnection. Glenn

Wow, did I get that correct and you are stressing about reaching 40? Hell, I've got shirts older than that!

However, keep in mind the immortal words of Franz Kafka:

"In a fight between you and the world, bet on the world."

When it gets to that point, here's my suggestion. An old-timer told me this (in so many words, I've changed it a bit to suit me) when I was in my twenties and it meant nothing then, now it's starting to mean more:

Look yourself in the mirror at the end of every single day and ask yourself a couple of questions:
Am I a good and honest person and do I earn what I'm paid?
Do I contribute to the well-being of the human race or detract from it?

Be honest with yourself.

If both answers are positive, you can go to bed feeling good and happy with who you are. If one or both answers are negative, you need to do vow to do better tomorrow.
If you are honest, you will not be happy with the answers every single day. But you will be happy with who you are most of the time, and doesn't that mean more than just about everything?
Work on who you are and be happy with being a good person and forget the rest. After you have accomplished that goal the rest will come around.
Please note that I'm not done yet, I have some more work to do.
I'm inherently selfish, I have little patience with others, etc.

The bottom line is, if you have something to work for and believe you can do bettrer, you have something to look forward to.

That's good, my grandpa always gave me that advise too...... "always have something to look forward to!"

He's a great man of 93 today, loved his wife every single day and was the handyman for every family he knew.

My wife and I try to avoid surprises because of this advise; instead we plan things in advance, share them with the family and enjoy the time of anticipating the achievement/event. Works great.

Nice posts Dan! YOU're a winner buddy.

I like that quote

Another thought, from another senior... an old guy I was blessed to spend time with:

"I don't understand all these people talking about trying to find meaning in their lives. You don't find meaning, you make it. If you have to look for it, it's your own damn fault. Just do something nice... something good."

Livi, spend time with some old folks. They always give me a renewed enthusiasm for life.

Well, unless they're just cranky old bastards.

Marcus, seriously get yourself to a tanning parlor, you need some melanin and vitamin D. Hey! it works for us in California.

You need to pop one of those young nurses.

Agree totally. When I need some direction getting away from it all, alone, for a while is the best way.

Take some time and get away from everything, people, cars, family etc and think. Find out what is important to you, where you want to go and get a basic plan worked out.

Then go back home and work like hell to make it happen! :)

I feel the same way Markus, as evidenced by the PMs we've shared. I think it's time for a change for me. Since my twenties I've never stayed in one city more than 2 years, until now. I like moving and learning new cities and people. I've always just rented an apartment so I could pick up and go whenever I wanted. I love the change. Now I'm married, have a house, and a good job. Yet, I still want to just pack up and move somewhere else. I don't like the monotony of a "normal" daily life. Some would call it a mid life crisis but I have always been this way. :confused:

On page 3, finally, someone takes up the other side of the issue.

Thanks Wayne!

I am really touched. So many sincere, insightful replies. Not just shallow posts, but really excellent thoughts of empathy and advice. Thank you all so much.

Now, on a lighter note, I understand we are off to start building a Porsche wiki.

With all this great posts (as well as others in previous similar threads) we might as well start a wiki on emotional categories too! Pick your beef, brows the forum for good experienced advice.

I will start by the two great advice supplied by Lube Mike:

1. Write a book.
2. Pop a young nurse.

I really do feel I am improving already! :D

Or do 1. and 2. in the reverse order, write the book about the experience of #1 and cash in!!!