Afraid to step outside one's comfort zone

cantdrv55 · 01-31-2008, 10:42 PM

I've got a buddy who was offered a very good job in his current field of work. He turned it down even though it would mean a $40k/yr raise + better benefits and perks. Says that even though it is close to what he is doing now, he is still afraid to make the move because he doesn't want to start over at the tender age of 50 with a different company. He has only been with his current employer 10 years but they do not offer a pension while the new employer does plus a matching 401K and ESPP at 10% below market but capped at 10% of his income annually. The job is his if he wants it but he is paralyzed with fear.

How do I know what he is being offered? I work for the same company and I know the hiring manager and director. I built him up and got him the interview, which he did very well in. Then, at the last minute, he got cold feet and turned it down.

I understand being afraid to step outside one's comfort zone. I understand the fear of failure. I fight that fight everyday because I am in sales. Before I started reading motivational and success books, I used to let fear paralyze me too. Some say the motivational stuff don't last. Neither do baths but it's a good idea to take one once in a while.

masraum · 02-01-2008, 06:15 AM

Wow, that sucks. I'd jump ship in a heartbeat for a 40k/year raise and better benefits.

RickM · RickM's Garage

You can lead a horse to water...

Joeaksa · 02-01-2008, 07:02 AM

Guys, Pls wait until you turn 50 then see how you feel. With retirement looking you in the face in a few years, then being offered the chance to jump to something new or stay where you are and retire in a few years, how would you react?

I am very good at what I am doing (and have done for years) and there is no way that I am going to jump to a different horse in mid-stream with 3-4 years left before I retire.

Things look a lot different when retirement is approaching...

Joe

Dantilla · 02-01-2008, 07:05 AM

Joe, thanks for your perspective. I hadn't thought about it that way.

notfarnow · 02-01-2008, 07:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cantdrv55

Some say the motivational stuff don't last. Neither do baths but it's a good idea to take one once in a while.

ha ha I like that

baldman · 02-01-2008, 07:22 AM

How does he feel about his current job? I love the job I have now - the people, the environment, almost everything.
Although I would be tempted to leave for more $$, I left once two years ago and within days realized my mistake and spent the whole time trying to get back.

Superman · 02-01-2008, 07:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dantilla

Joe, thanks for your perspective. I hadn't thought about it that way.

Dan, you are young and successful. You will not have this kind of decision-making agony.

I was reflecting last night on life. Some folks do try to make it a safe experience. That will be a failed strategy. Life is not a safe experience, and the wimps just don't "get it." Just as an example, I'd point out that no matter how physically and medically "safe" you try to be, all the wimps are going to die. Just like the brave folks. The difference is whether you lived or not. Life is dangerous. Very dangerous. And the end game is the same for everybody. It's a cup, and you either fill it........or protect it from the danger of having contents.

I might pass up a massive raise also. But the reason would be clear. For example, if the boss lacks integrity. I would bag groceries before I would work for a liar. But I would not back away from a job just because of some risk. That's where the fun is.

Joeaksa · 02-01-2008, 07:30 AM

If someone is 35, 40 or even 45 they might still make the jump to another area IF, and its a big if, the new position is stable and hopefully somewhat related. That way they can take their experience with them and build on things.

Once someone passes 50 years old they realize that they may have only another 10-20 years left on this earth and chasing the almighty $$$ is not what it once was.

I just had a very good friend of mine pass away at 61 years old, and thats only 6 years from where I am now. Had he known that he was going to "head West" at this age he would have retired years ago and enjoy life. You just do not know what the future holds and at this time in life you start to realize more and more that its quality of life and not all the toys and such...

Dantilla · 02-01-2008, 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Superman

Dan, You will not have this kind of decision-making agony.

Since I'm self-employed, probably not. I don't forsee a time where I can draw a line and say "I'm now retired". There will probably be a slowing down of activity, or at least delegating off many of the day-to-day responsibilities to free up my schedule for more goofing-off, something I'm pretty good at.

I do have a friend who flies for American. It has been on his mind, that with mandatory retirement, he better develop a plan pretty soon.

I also agree that the enjoyment factor is more important than just looking at the paycheck. A huge portion of life is spent on the job. Why not enjoy it? I would not want an increase in pay if it meant being miserable for 40 hours a week. Not worth it.

Hugh R · 02-01-2008, 07:35 AM

Just turned 54 last weekend. Yeah, you feel like your starting to see the end of the road, but who knows. I hope to get ten more years out of my employer. I'd only retire with 15 with them, but it would put me at about 65. I wish I'd joined this company 20 years ago.

Porsche-O-Phile · Porsche-O-Phile's Garage

I doubt many of us will be able to "retire" in the conventional sense. As such, that tends to change one's perspective a bit.

There are two kinds of people in the world, those that adapt to change and thrive with it, and those that go extinct from it.

That guy is a fool. $40k a year even over only 5-10 years is a schitpile of money to leave on the table. If I were offered that I'd be out the door so fast they'd just see a puff of smoke and my chair slowly spinning around, empty, wondering where I'd gone.

Joeaksa · 02-01-2008, 08:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dantilla

Since I'm self-employed, probably not. I don't forsee a time where I can draw a line and say "I'm now retired". There will probably be a slowing down of activity, or at least delegating off many of the day-to-day responsibilities to free up my schedule for more goofing-off, something I'm pretty good at.

I do have a friend who flies for American. It has been on his mind, that with mandatory retirement, he better develop a plan pretty soon.

I also agree that the enjoyment factor is more important than just looking at the paycheck. A huge portion of life is spent on the job. Why not enjoy it? I would not want an increase in pay if it meant being miserable for 40 hours a week. Not worth it.

It was just approved last month for airline pilots in the US to fly until age 65. In the old days they had to retire at age 60, no matter what. Since they could not get any retirement benefits until age 65, that left a lot of guys asking what they were supposed to do to pay the bills.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

I'm 46. Probably will be "starting over" come summer if my hunch is right about current funding. I likely will never retire. Too many projects, too many things I want to do. I still haven't decided what I want to do when I grow up.

I still am in awe of my friends who do their own thing - writers, producers, etc. I stepped outside my comfort zone back in 2000, walking away from a 16 year trajectory and tenure-track faculty position in chemistry to dive into digital media. But I'm still "working for the man." Not sure what's next, but I have a couple books that I need to finish writing, about a half dozen video/film projects in various states of production, and a race car to campaign. If my budget holds

dmcummins · 02-01-2008, 08:55 AM

As someone who recently turned 50 I have also turned down a pile of cash. I quit my job that paid 6 fiqures plus plenty of bene's. You start seeing friends die or have medical problems that stop them from doing things that they like. Money isn't everything. You don't know how long you have.

It probably wont' be long before most of your income will go to taxes anyway.

Superman · 02-01-2008, 09:15 AM

You are correct, Dan. You will never "retire" in the sense of a game of shuffleboard being your daily highlight. You will remain active. They say things get busier after retirement. You are doing well, making good decisions, accumulating properties and contacts. You will increasingly find yourself in an option-rich environment, and there will come a time when economics no longer drive your activities. That is as close to "retirement" as you will ever get.

KFC911 · 02-01-2008, 09:40 AM

I'm going to offer another perspective. I'm 47, and will be willing to simply step away from an IT career that's been a fairly good one until the past few years (rather than go with an outsourcing company). Will I miss a 6 figure salary, you bet! Do I know what I'm going to do next...not really, not yet. Money isn't everything, and life is short. When your job/career reaches a certain low point, it's simply time to turn the page imo. I've done all the right things that allow me to make this decision, but will I regret it...damned if I know. If you don't like a "position you're in" I say change it, if you like "where you're at", why change? Am I nuts...probably

edited: ps: I didn't read dmcummins post before I typed...he understands

911Rob · 911Rob's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by RickM

You can lead a horse to water...

Yeah, What'ya gonna do?

I wouldn't be in a job in the first place, so who am I to comment.
All kinds of people in the World; Success never has the same definition!
I'm with Supers comment too...... Live your life man!

scottmandue · 02-01-2008, 11:45 AM

I'm tuning 51 in a few days and just interviewed for a job at a $10K increase...
Of course many of you guys make two... three... or more... times as much as I make so you probably have invested well and more secure financially than me therefore money is probably not that big of a deal.

The job I applied for would be a parallel transfer within the state employment so I would keep all my benifits and retirement.

YMMV

Sonic dB · Sonic dB's Garage

I have never thought of 50 being "old"...
I know some 50+ year olds that are in the gym, look great, cover the gray with
some stylish styling and hair dye... youd think they were in their 40s cause they live healthy.
i am in my 30s and never had a health problem, knock on wood...and hope that stays...
its all relative to where you are in life... I am in the process of making a huge life change
(recently stepped away from 6 figures + job)...but I dont consider myself to be old or even 'middle aged'...
i still feel young. Would I have taken this opportunity at 50? dunno..depends if I were happy in it or not
which I wasnt....so Im certain that it will work out better for me.

I cant speak for those at 50 or on the other side of it...but I dont think it is old until
you start to break down physically or start to break down mentally. I think we all need to embrace new challenges as life is a journey and not a means for security cause there is no such thing as security.