north SD/south OC county questions

[nostatic]

I know that a few of you guys live in north county. There is a possibility that my ex will relocate to Carlsbad, so I'm wondering if you locals have any recon on the good/bad schools/districts. My son will start 6th grade in the fall, so it'll be middle school and HS. She could buy a house in/around Carlsbad (work is off Canon Dr.), or maybe San Clemente. Anyone know how bad the commute is from San Clemente south to Carlsbad and back?

Being a divorced dad I have a couple of options. I could just say no to it, but this would be a good move for her for a number of reasons and will be better for my son in the long run as well (depending how I can work my end). So that leaves me with the options of:

- staying where I am and being a weekend dad with a 5 hr rt commute (not attractive at all)

- moving further south shortening the commute to see him, while maybe arranging a work-at-home a few days a week to make it so I don't slit my wrists in traffic. Viable as a stop-gap but likely not a long term solution.

- moving wherever she does and keeping the 50/50 custody split. The reality is that I'd have to find another job down there.

I'm leaning towards the last one as I want to be around my son as much as possible. Plus I'm pretty burned out on west LA and in fact growing up in San Diego, my "dream" was actually to live in Leucadia or Cardiff. But the trick is finding a gig down there...

Anyone done the long-ish distance dad thing?

[84porsche]

Todd,

I am technically in South OC (Irvine to be exact) now and probably 45 minutes from Carlsbad with no traffic so that would leave you plenty of options. Are you thinking about buying a place or renting down this way. What kind of work are you in? My company is expected to hire another 800 employees by the end of the year in the resort business.

Chris

[stomachmonkey]

Todd,

Stay with the son.

It's the most important/rewarding job you will ever have. But you know that already.

I'd take any pay cut that does not drastically affect my ability to provide properly for my kids.

[Sapporo Guy]

My dad used to drive from the Albany area to south of Buffalo (western New York state) and the drive was like up to 10 hours depending on the weather.

Bummer for us kids but ... as we got older (jr high) it didn't really matter because we were stupid kids with more "important" things

If they are young go for it!!!

When my mother decided to move to Oxnard with her boyfriend, my father could have easily said, "NO" ... but he knew that our town was crap and our chances of ever doing anything outside of working at the local supermarket was even worse than crap.

He said at the time, "I want to say "no" but I will say "yes" because it is for you"
He had to live with the fact we could only see him during school holidays, in return mom let us stay for weeks ... lolo, they still fought like cats and dogs.

I appreciate that my dad was honest and wanted the best for us.

Maybe, I was lucky to be able to realize at the time that moving was a good thing and that my dad living on the other side of the state was just something that was work related rather than child's feeling of being "left behind".

Don't forget to make sure you spell out to them what ever your and ex's decision is.
Sorry, if that is already obvious.

[daepp]

It's nice knowing that a 21st Century divorced dad is willing to relocate his life to be with his son!

[nostatic]

The reality after pondering this for the afternoon is that the only solution that I can live with is to move within a few miles of them. My son is 11 and is heading into critical years where frankly he needs a dad around consistently. Moms are great, but there are a lot of things they can't teach a boy. My ex knows this, hence her essentially asking for my permission to pursue this.

We actually get along really well so that isn't an issue. In fact she pretty much offered to let me use the spare bedroom in her new place to crash when I'm down.

So now it comes down to waiting to see if she gets the offer, then figuring out the school district. I'd rather do north county, probably Carlsbad. She'll likely buy, I'll probably rent unless I can find a reasonable condo. Since the house in LA will be sold I'll get another chunk of money out.

Finding a job is going to be the real tricky part. I'm not a corporate guy, and I don't really fit into traditional corporate structures. It'll likely have to be either academia, a smaller endeavor, or who knows what. As a digital media and idea guy with a strong tech and management background I *should* be employable. But just has to be the right fit.

Mucho changes...time to buckle up.

[Sapporo Guy]

Todd,

Glad to hear that you got your decision made! +1 on your ideas!

How about going off on your own (business wise) ?

[Sapporo Guy]

How the job that Wayne is offering

[nostatic]

well, I have a fledgling production company going. We're pitching show ideas so if that takes off that is one income stream. I could consult but it is a rough lifestyle. I could also start my own digital comm/marketing thing. I'd have to get some clients lined up though. Plus I could possibly keep working at my current gig remotely. Depends what I've got in the pipeline.

[JavaBrewer]

I'll start asking about the Carlsbad/Encinitas school districts. My wife is pretty involved with school here in San Marcos (stone's throw away from Carlsbad) and we have friends who probably have info. I'll PM you when I get something relevant.

[Wickd89]

Nostalgic,
Agree with Chris, you can easily live in south OC and go down to Carlsbad with no issue. Since you are planning on renting or buying a condo, please consider Ladera Ranch. I have a friend who lives there and does the tough commute to San Diego (Miramar Road) but you would be going A LOT closer. Ladera has nice apts and condos have dropped TONS. It went to high and now is really a bargain. You can get a 3br/2ba condo with a yard for $350K. 2/2 probably under $300K.
Depending on your work, you will be limited with options (like I am sometimes)...
South OC is a tough commute to West LA; but ok for 1 or 2 days a week for a year or less.
No matter, you would have to find a new job and where your options go is where you will end up...
I want to spend as much time with the kids, so you have to end up near your X. Therefore try to pick a place that you have a high likelihood of getting a job.

South OC has really good schools, San Juan Cap school district is pretty good and have no trouble putting my kids in it. I would have never considered that when I lived and grew up in LA and always went to private schools (made my parents broke but hope it was worth it then)...
North San Diego is famous for good schools as well. I hear Poway is fantastic... San Marcos should be part of that school district and is pretty nice...

Best of luck. Keep up the dialog with the X and hope she pics a home near where you might have a chance of getting a job..

[kstar]

Todd:

You sound like a great Dad! In my experience, involved single Dads are more the exception than the rule. I also share 50/50 custody and play a large role in my Daughter's life and have a good relationship with the ex.

I know that Solana Beach has a great school district; We lived there when I was married and we were planning on our Daughter going to school there. Quick access to the 5 as well, as are most coastal areas. I don't have any knowledge of Encinitas schools, but I would bet they are good as well.

Do you want to stay coastal? East of the 5 down here there is Carmel Valley/Highlands, Santa Luz, 4S Ranch and San Elijo Hills which are all new to relatively new communities with new schools and nice neighborhoods.

FWIW.

Best,

Kurt

[the]

Originally Posted by nostatic

My son is 11 and is heading into critical years where frankly he needs a dad around consistently.

"Heading into" critical year when he needs that???

I'm not sure he would agree with that assessment.

But anyways, how could you NOT move to God's Country, Mexican-free, always price appreciating San Juan Capistrano! Buy a house, it will be worth at least 10% more next year.

[nostatic]

wow, cranky...

I was essentially a single parent for the first 6 or 7 years of my son's life and have been around consistently since the divorce. I suppose you can argue that every year is "critical", I think that the early teens can be a make or break time in a boy's life. But ymmv.

I don't really want to live some place that is "Mexican-free". But Capistrano probably isn't a great fit. I'm definitely leaning towards some place in north county with good school. We looked around about 6 or 7 years ago and I remember that Solana Beach was great, as is Del Mar. That might be a bit too far south...I'd like to avoid having to hit the I5 corridor as much as possible.

[daepp]

Definitely a critical time.

Capo Unified has always gotten high marks - so to speak.

Tesoro High has its issues tho - from what I've heard, very new and nice but very ethnically polarized.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Kudos Todd, it's great to see a dad willing to make personal sacrifices for his son. You're doing the right thing.

[scottmandue]

Todd you sound like a great dad!

I don't know anything about schools/jobs in the area but the lady I am dating was living in Encinitas for a short while (four hour commute for me to spend the day with her ... thankfully she has moved back to Newport Beach)

Beautiful place! I would move there in a heart beat! Great beaches, great restaurants, great surfing, convenient shopping, friendly beach town but not over built, over crowded like Hermosa/Redondo (and no smog).

Hope it works out well for you and the little guy!

[Wickd89]

Originally Posted by daepp

Definitely a critical time.

Capo Unified has always gotten high marks - so to speak.

Tesoro High has its issues tho - from what I've heard, very new and nice but very ethnically polarized.

Note: Capo school district good marks. San Juan Cap not so good. Check the demographics... unfortunately the school scores follow this.