Toddler Birthday Party

[Noah930]

For the PP Braintrust:

We're planning on my soon-to-be 3 year-old on having a birthday party. So how many kids do we invite? My wife wants to do this at home.

On one hand, I've heard the advice that you should invite 1 more kid than however old your own is turning (3+1=4). Add in parents, and the odd sibling because of no babysitter, and that's easily 15-20 people.

But, on the other hand, we just started a nursery school. There are 14 other kids in his class. What happens when you start inviting some of the kids, but not all of them? If you invite some, are you obligated to invite them all? I mean, from an etiquette standpoint--I already understand the "It's my d@mn house and I can invite whomever I choose" opinion.

Some of those kids (4 or 5) apparently have already invited my kid to their upcoming birthday parties. Are there those that have already had parties and didn't invite my kid? Possibly. I'm not insulted. Left up to my wife, she initially went with the small invite list. So, 2 of those 4 or 5 kids were to be invited. But what about the other 2 or 3?

Plus, we'll already have some family and friends over. Enough to have a small party, right there, without any classmates.

I'm not keen on having 50-60 people (15 kids, plus their parents, whatever siblings they bring because they can't find a babysitter, etc.) over for a 3 year-old's party. That's ridiculous.

Obviously, the kids don't care a bit who's invited to who's party. But, being in a new school, with kids who will hopefully grow up together for awhile, it would also be nice not to get off on the wrong foot with any of the parents. (Though I understand you can't please everyone all the time--particularly the unreasonable ones.)

Any thoughts?

[stomachmonkey]

At this age invite them all.

[911Rob]

well your kids only turning 3, but my rules with my kids; all or nothing.

today my kids are friends with all their classmates and they speak up when someone is being left out or gossiped about.

at 3, just invite the kids who have parents that you like?

[VaSteve]

Yeah... I know this too well. My son is turning the big 3. Wife wants to invite a bunch of friends over and THEN the family in a phased approach. She's all stressed out because she thinks the family will be insulted if they aren't invited. Egad. I hope she can do it on a track weekend.

[gr8fl4porsche]

We invite all the kids at preschool, all my close friends with small children and all my extended family with small children. A few weeks ago was my daughters 4th and we had 26 children show up with one or two parents each.

We had it at The Little Gym where my daughters attends. All together about $200. Not bad and the place easily held everyone. They provided 3 instructors and helped clean up.

The downside was my daughter received gifts from everyone not to mention all the other gifts from family and friends plus her birthday is 1 month after christmas. She still has a pile of unopened gifts.

Next year - no gifts.

There are tons of places in most cities that specialize in little ones birthday parties.

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by VaSteve

Yeah... I know this too well. My son is turning the big 3. Wife wants to invite a bunch of friends over and THEN the family in a phased approach. She's all stressed out because she thinks the family will be insulted if they aren't invited. Egad. I hope she can do it on a track weekend.

Trust me, most of the family are happy to get out of a 3 yr olds b-day party.

[TechnoViking]

Chuck-E-Cheese. $250. All the friends can come. 2 hours. In and out, no clean up. The food sux, but what are you gonna do?

Edit. They have beer, too, if things really get rough.

[Dixie]

I remember my daughter's third birthday. It took use hours to clean up afterwards. It was to be an outside party, but it rained. So we had ten little tots dropping cake and drinks on the rugs, and peeing themselves. The parents were hardly better. They also dropped cake and drinks on the rugs while wandering around entertaining each other. Fortunately, no adults peed on themselves. Finally, the rain stopped. I sent all the kids outside. Suddenly everyone had to leave before their kid got wet and dirty.

Yes, I remember my daughter's third birthday. She does not.

Have the party at McDonalds...

[Wickd89]

I agree, invite them all!

My twins are turning 5 in a few weeks. We decided to do two gatherings (due to the fact that most of our family is around 50 miles away in LA).

1. Chucke Cheese for the local kids and fellow pre-school classmates.
2. Family gathering at home (or sister's house) for my extended family.

[mikester]

We talked to our Day care/preschool director and she thought it was ridiculous to invite them all. She said 'that's why we have private mail boxes for things like this.'

So, we invited those whose parents we knew and who we knew our son had been playing with for a while. When they get older it may be prudent to invite them all or none but I'm not so sure.

We had ours at home but we've been to quite a few that were at event locations. Frankly I'm cheap and don't want to spend the but after a bouncer and a bunch of pizzas I probably spent enough...(but I am in a beach City in Socal so maybe not)...

We ended up having two parties, sounds crazy but it worked out well. We had a nice morning party with cup cakes and mostly my wife's friends and their kids (a few of mine as well). Then we had one for the school friends in the afternoon with Pizza and cake and the bouncer and all that. It was a tiring day to be sure...I'm not sure how we will handle next year.

[kstar]

Invite 'em all for sure.

How about a place like J.W. Tumbles or Pump It Up?

Good luck!

Best,

Kurt

[gchappel]

This party is for the parents, not the child. Trust me, your 3 year old will not remember the party. They will probably not even enjoy the crowd. They are 3- their environment does not yet extend more than 10feet from them. They love a new toy- they don't understand 30 new toys. Watch-- they will pick out one favorite new thing to play with- may even be some of the paper something was wrapped in. Look around at these parties- how many kids are crying, how many parents are yelling about this and that-- these are not relaxing joyous childhood experiences. They are something we survive. 3year olds don't want cake- we do. They don't want fancy drinks, hats, candles, clowns(most think clowns are creepy.) They don't know about social pressure- they don't know about inviting the right people. Do you want your child to enjoy their 3yr birthday- spend the whole day with them. Play. Have no other responsiblities the whole day except to play with your child. That they might remember, and I am sure you will. The day will only be enjoyable for your child if it enjoyable for you- no stress. Have it somewhere else where you can enjoy it.
Been there, done that.
Gary

[VaSteve]

Originally Posted by gchappel

This party is for the parents, not the child. Trust me, your 3 year old will not remember the party. They will probably not even enjoy the crowd. They are 3- their environment does not yet extend more than 10feet from them. They love a new toy- they don't understand 30 new toys. Watch-- they will pick out one favorite new thing to play with- may even be some of the paper something was wrapped in. Look around at these parties- how many kids are crying, how many parents are yelling about this and that-- these are not relaxing joyous childhood experiences. They are something we survive. 3year olds don't want cake- we do. They don't want fancy drinks, hats, candles, clowns(most think clowns are creepy.) They don't know about social pressure- they don't know about inviting the right people. Do you want your child to enjoy their 3yr birthday- spend the whole day with them. Play. Have no other responsiblities the whole day except to play with your child. That they might remember, and I am sure you will. The day will only be enjoyable for your child if it enjoyable for you- no stress. Have it somewhere else where you can enjoy it.
Been there, done that.
Gary

I would agree with your whole thing only if it said 2 year old instead. My 3 year old is way different than he was a year ago - he's smarter than me!

[livi]

Invitations to all the kids. Some will not come anyway. Two hour session. Cake and candy. For yourself, a six-pack of your choice. Two bottles consumed swiftly half an hour before they arrive. Two bottles during the two hours party (sneak in the kitchen) and two bottles for the aftermath with exhaustion and cleaning up.

Trust me. I do this for a living. Well not exactly..

[Rot 911]

I guess my wife and I are unfit parents. Our daughter is 7 and still has not had a birthday party. We buy her presents and have the cake and all, but it is just us. She doesn't seem to traumatized.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Gary, I disagree. We just took our 3 year old to one of his preschool classmate's parties, he still talks about it. Every kid invited (15 or so), all had fun, nobody cried or had their feelings hurt. They had the party at a gymnastics place that had a cool kids area, then they set up an obstacle course in their large adult gymnastics area. Rope swings, pits full of foam, big trampolines, I wanted to join in. It was very well organized, the three employees looked like they had a lot of experience with little ones. All the parents did was sit on the bleachers and talk while the kids played.

I say have a kids party, and invite the entire class. It's too early to start leaving people out, and you WILL hurt other kid's feelings. Have it somewhere as described above, so everyone can have fun and you don't have a mess to clean up. As for the family, that sounds like a better party to have at the house.

[onewhippedpuppy]

Kurt, I say my son went to someone else's party, notice I don't discuss plans for HIS party. He doesn't care, we'll probably go to his grandparent's house and ride 4-wheelers, shoot skeet, and fish. He'd probably prefer that anyway.

[gchappel]

[QUOTE=onewhippedpuppy;3790574]Gary, I disagree. We just took our 3 year old to one of his preschool classmate's parties, he still talks about it. Every kid invited (15 or so), all had fun, nobody cried or had their feelings hurt. They had the party at a gymnastics place that had a cool kids area, then they set up an obstacle course in their large adult gymnastics area. Rope swings, pits full of foam, big trampolines, I wanted to join in. It was very well organized, the three employees looked like they had a lot of experience with little ones. All the parents did was sit on the bleachers and talk while the kids played.


I agree a 3yr old can have fun at a gymnastics place with a cool kids area. They will have fun their because they can be a kid, and would have fun if it was a party or not. Note, a party or get together in this type of facility can be fun anytime, and their was no adult stress. As I said- this was like playing with the kids- they love that. Most parties, as this one being discussed, are planned at a home- where there is no cool kids area with an obstacle course. The kids don't care about cake, presents, or inviting the correct people. They want to play. Ask your son if the party, the hats, cake, or presents had anything to do with the great time he had. Or, was it simply a great fun play time. Kids love to play- and a successful party can be developed around that. Most parties are set up by adults- with dress codes, present opening ceremonies, rules- don't do this, don't spill that.... Have a get together- call it a party or not- on the kids terms and as you pointed out these can be fun! Plan appropriately, and as I said before have it somewhere besides your home- and you can have a great time. My kids are older- we learned the hard way as well-we went through all this years ago. By the time they were 4 we gave up on routine parties and just did play time groups at a gym, pool, or playground.
gary

[Don Plumley]

Basic math: Toddlers = Off-site or Outside.

Too young for a bouncer, so go off-site. If you have elderly relatives that like to be involved, then invite them for cake and ice cream in the evening. For an off-site, the more the merrier. Invite them all.

[JeremyD]

That's why we did ours at Beef O Brady's - That was our rule - until they are 5 - the adults can get a beer - the kids can run around - usually more parents than kids anway. We tried to do early before the dinner rush - the manager even let us hide a bike with training wheels in his office. In and out in an hour and nobody gets hurt - and nobody has to clean up. I tip well.