Am I being unreasonable?
 

My wife wanted to take the p-car somewhere yesterday while I was still at work. I thought it wasn't a good idea because it would just be sitting in a very busy parking lot for most of the time. This discussion did not go very well. Do you let you wife take the car whenever she wants? I was called a chauvanist, is that true?

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Daryl 91C2 Targa

Yeah, reckon you are being unreasonable - surely the car is meant to be used, and you have insurance?

If you really don't want the car to age, you should donate it to a museum and buy a 7 year old Chevy instead ;-)

- roGER

Depends if you got the point across. I would not want the car sitting in a busy parking lot for a long time either. I avoid such trips, although not religiously - I'm not that obsessive. I don't like anybody driving my car, but I would allow my girlfriend to do so if she asked. However, there are guidelines for my own driving practices, and those should apply to anyone else in spades. If you wouldn't park in that lot, than neither should she. Assuming that's your only real concern, the "chauvinist" moniker is not appropriate.

FWIW.

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Roger
'85 Carrera 3.2 Coupe aka "Sputterbug"
http://sputterbug.com

Oh this is going to be a hot thread!!!

My opinion? Yes, you are being unreasonable. She cannot possibly understand the absurd lengths those of us on this board go to to keep our Pcars out of danger. What she understands is that it is an (expensive) car that is meant to be driven. And she may also covet the thought of driving around in a Porsche, God bless her.

I would apologize, with flowers, and let her in on your psyche: how you love the car, the wrenching on it, how it de-stresses you, how you love the feel and power. You must make her understand the power it has on you, and how, for ONE SECOND you let that power overcome the more important power of the love between you two. She will love you for your honesty, your anxiety, your childlike infatuation, and mostly your apology, which in and of itself speaks volumes about modesty, morals, and responsibility.

My opinion only, but you have made a mistake that you might be able to leverage into a very positive result.

Jw

Just be glad you don't have a 17 year old son borrowing your 911. I do. But I drew the line at letting him take it to senior prom.

After my wife drives my A6, I find pistachio nut shells all over the place and the occasional twizzler on the leather seats. Grrrr... Last time she drove my Speedster replica (OK, its only a VW motor ...) she kept hitting reverse when downshifting from 3rd to 2nd. Horrible noise. It was hard not to cry.

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John C
1988 Carrera coupe
1957 Speedster replica
1997 A6 Avant

I have a solution to your problem. Get a pre-87 911 with the 915 tranny. My wife is scared to death of that mine. She loves riding in the car, but refuses to drive it. And she is mind boggled that I can stand to drive it with, how it shifts.

But realistically, as long as you have insurance, let her drive yours. You can always replace it if something does happen.

Just my 911 cents.

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Matt Chamblin
78 911 SC

My opinion, yes, you are being unreasonable, and I would be kind of insulted if I were your wife (which would not be good, I look terrible in a dress).

Try looking at it from her side. She wants to drive the car, which technically belongs to both of you. She is your wife, not your daughter or your girlfriend. When you try to forbid her from doing something (anything), that never comes across very well. Not really how equals treat each other.

The reality is that it is just a car, being driven and parked in parking lots is what it does. That she wanted to drive it and park it in a parking lot doesn't seem like an unreasonable request to me.

Just my opinion.

Jim T, don't be so hasty. Please post a pic of you in the dress and let us be the judge of whether you look bad in it. http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/smile.gif

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Robert Stoll
83 SC
83 944

I'd go for a sport clutch or a couple's therapist. Either ought to solve the problem.

Sport clutch is a lot cheaper.

[This message has been edited by JackOlsen (edited 05-16-2001).]

Ha! Good Idea.
When I was but a wee tike, my dad bought a '70 Boss 302 Mustang. Althought I remember my mother driving it quite a bit, she HATED that competition clutch, especially on hills at an intersection.

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Clint
73T mfi coupe

I'm surprized at everyone. You must not care about your cars. My wife has never even SAT in my car. I bought her a BMW and then a Volvo. These cars belong to her, she can do with them what she wants. The 911 is my project, my blood, sweat, and cash. If she were to drive it and something happened it would cause far more damage between us than a trip to the mall is worth.
Chauvanistic? I don't give a damn. When she builds the car of her dreams I won't mind at all if I don't get a set of keys.

Hard to say. If she had another car to drive then I would say you are not being unreasonable. I never take my car to the store so it can sit in a lot. Just look at some of the past topics posted on the horror stories of mall parking. However, if she had no other vehicle to drive, then I think it's unreasonable to strand her at home with a car she can't use. Either get her another car or you need to take the Porsche to work and find a safe place to park it.

Luke
88 turbo cab

I'd have to say yes. Drive that sucker. Not to be unsympathetic but it's just a car. When i bought my 73' i let my mother sister drive it, and even offered to let my grandma drive it. Anyone who asks drive my Z-28 I just throw them the keys. I think you should be happy your wife wants to drive it. I have seen tons of women driving newer 911's around here.

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Craig 73T in many pieces

lukeh, she had another car to drive so that wasn't an issue.

I admit I felt a little bad about it today because it caused an argument, but I thought you guys would understand.

RarlyL8, you couldn't have said it better !

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Daryl 91C2 Targa

[This message has been edited by Planter91C2 (edited 05-16-2001).]

Craig (kumma),
WHY is your '73 in pieces? Have anything to do with your Mother, Sister, or Grandmother?

http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/tongue.gif

magilla

[This message has been edited by magilla (edited 05-16-2001).]

Simple solution, install a race seat that has non movable seat adj. Should work, unless she is about the same height.

I was getting a kick out of just reading this thread, but with all the flack Planter91C2 is getting, I thought I'd chime in.

Nobody loves their wife more than I do, and my wife does NOT drive my 911. My wife would never even ask to drive it.

I bought my wife a 2000 Infiniti I30, which is a fairly nice daily driver. My daily driver is a truck. My wife knows that I have wanted a 911 since I was in high school. When I first got it, I asked her if she wanted to drive it (with me in it). She said she was just happy to ride in it with me and look at my big grin. She said she knows what this car means to me, and would feel terrible if something was to happen while she was driving it.

I've worked my ass off to be able to afford a 911 weekend toy. My wife respects that, and together we love taking it for a drive. Its just that I'm the one that does the driving.



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1988 black on black Coupe
www.cheaterswayside.com/911/gallery.asp?sort=0&userid=339

Daryl:

These guys are waaaaay nuts. . . and you were waaaaay right! My wife asked to back the P-car out of the garage and bounced over the curb and up onto the lawn. She got out of the car and explained that the last stick-shift she had, had the clutch in the middle!!! (She had been pressing the clutch frantically thinking it was the brake).

Anyway, I love my wife dearly, and what's important is that she knows and respects what that car means to me (after that incident, she is quite happy to be a passenger).

There is no way that your wife didn't know that you would be a nervous wreck until your baby returned, ding free. It is NOT just a car (like a Taurus) that can be patched up by an insurance company. . .it is your pride and joy. If you're like me, you park far away from other cars, fall asleep thinking about your next mod, spend hours painstakingly detailing and polishing, etc.

No one knows your car's ideosyncracies like you do. Be proud of yourself.

You did right man! You did us proud!

Mike
94 C2 cab

I've also been reading this with much amusement.

You are not being unreasonable full stop! The fact that she had another car to use is proof of that. Our house is my wife's "thing". I do not change stuff around in the house, move furniture or paint without her permission....I'm a good little boy around the house and do as I'm told http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/biggrin.gif

My car is my "thing" and she knows it!

BTW it's not that I'd never let her drive it (it is JUST a car), it's that you put soooo much effort into the things, it's difficult not to be over-protective

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John Forcier
69 911T

if the wife respects the fact that the car doesn't need any parking lot damage and parks it out away from the crowd in a carefully chosen spot, then fine, have at it i say. it's the family toy and we like to keep em nice. if my wife just parked it any old place, i'd put my foot down too. we got a lot of time and $ in these things! try carving on HER good china with a steak knife.

I've owned my car for over a year and my wife had never driven it until last week. It's not that I discourage her from driving it, but that I normally drive it everyday to work and drive my other vehicle on the weekends when we run errands. We decided to take the 911 for an evening drive last week. On the way home I asked her if she wanted to drive. Of course, the clutch and that silky smooth 915(sarcasm intended) frustrated her to no end. A 911, especially an older one, is definitely not a fun car to just jump in and drive for the first time. I don't think she'll be asking to drive it again any time soon.

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'80 Targa

I drive my car as a toy then put it back in the garage. If I take it to work, on days that are not too sunny or hot, it is parked in a spot I picked out that no one can park near and no one uses. I can see it from my window. My wife drove it once with me as a passenger. She drives a clutch better than most men, but she will never drive it without me. And it will never see the dreaded "parking lot". You have your toys, she has hers. It is not about having insurance, it is about door marks and other damage that goes unseen. My wife knows how fussy I am about my cars so she won't even drive my Acura if I ask her to swap because I need the utility of the SUV she drives. She would not even ask to drive my 911 without me in it. You are not being unreasonable.

My ex, whom I am still very good friends with, loves Porsches and likes to drive them. I met her at the place where I got my 911 serviced years ago; she was the office manager. She still remembers part numbers ;-) ... I never minded her driving my Porsche as long as I was with her.

However, I was still leery of her taking my former 88 Carrera out alone (our third car), because it had only 21,000 miles and was in perfect shape. So I had my mechanic put a kill switch for the fuel pump under the drivers' seat and I would shut it off when I parked it. Every once in a while she would mention that she was going to take the 911 out for a solo cruise but it wouldn't start, and I would just say, "Yeah, it's that damn fuel pump, gotta get that looked over."

Heh-heh. She never did find out about that.

Vic
88 Carrera

And ....why was your car at home? http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/smile.gif

After all is said and done (gulp) it is just a car ( no, stop me ) and she is your wife .
Share and share alike as long as she knows the ground rules and washes it and checks the oil and tire pressures when she gets back!

To state the obvious, your wife sees this as "who does he love more, me or the car?" Of course there is going to be an argument to follow... but what is your answer?

A. If you love your wife more than your car, you show your wife much more respect than the car, and appoligise for acting like a ****ing five year old.

B. If you love the car more than your wife, you'd better start planning the sawsall right down the middle, and forget all the other bull****. Then she will never touch it again.

well, the more I think about it, I think the reality is that there is no one answer to this. It really depends on a lot of the specifics regarding the relationship between husband and wife.

To be honest, my wife never really drives my 911, either. Its not that I would try to stop it, but she (like most women) is not really that into cars and doesn't really care. Plus, she has her own car. She knows how much I like the 911, and knows she would feel bad if something happened to it while on her watch. So, its just not worth the headache to her.

But, she knows that she *could* drive it whenever she wants, and that I certainly trust her to not grind gears, lug the engine, park it in the end spots, away from cars with big doors, etc. (she has been brainwashed after being with me for 15 or so years!)

My personal view is that it would be an interesting woman who would feel so strongly about driving her husband's 911 when she knows that doing do would be disturbing or stressful for her husband. I would kind of wonder what the real motivations were. I've known a lot of porsche owners over the years, and I've not met many wives that are "died in the wool" sports car enthusiasts that just have to drive their husbands 911 because they love cars so much. I think there is something else underlying the fight.

That's my armchair shrink opinion!

PARANOIA CITY GUYS

It is truly a problem. One of the wonderful thing about the 911 is that it is neat to share the pleasures with others. Its cool that the wife appreciates the car. But PARKINGS LOTS! YIKES! OH, MY GOD! SHOPPING KARTS! ELDORADO DOORS! But you know what? All that is heck of a lot less than the bite of the BIG D! Talk about being "penny wise and pound foolish."

There are all those hazards out there and we have to learn to deal them. For me that kind of paranoia just isn't worth it. Twenty some years ago when I went to the Kruse auctions and saw all that overly restored or original stuff, it just made me depressed. The most beautiful cars to me are the ones with the patina of age and not much worry factor. That's the problem with most of the Ferraris that one finds on the market today. A car that looks like it is used is the one that makes me feel good. Take care, but lose the paranoia.

Diverdan

Planter stick to your guns. My wife has even gone so far as to say its just a car. For me it is a dream I had as a kid. Not just a car. My wife wanted to take it to work where her car gets a new ding once a week. I said no but she was pretty upset also. I take care of all our cars and dont feel its necessary to take that car to work when not neaded. She is now accepting the fact that the car is very inportant to me. I of course have paid the conseqences by being given extra duty around the house. She doesn't let me put money into the car anymore so I have to resort to less than sincere measures to buy stuff for her.(the car)

I think I might need to pay a little more attention to my wife because my 911 obsession gets worse every day.

in closeing make sure you let her drive it whenever you go on a trip or she might get more jealous. My wife is starting to think its no longer just a car. Its something special.

We can't possibly make a decision here without seeing a picture of your wife (preferably at the beach). Makes a difference, ya know! LOL
regards,
jlex.

I wish my wife would drive my car more. She did at first, but since I lowered it, stiffened it, put in a short shifter that she needs 2 hands to operate, drilled a couple extra holes in the muffler and replaced the seat belt with a 5 point harness she prefers to drive her Passat.

Not for nothing, but these are friggin cars! My 930 is very special and extremely powerful, but she can drive the thing anytime she likes! She prefers not to, but on that rare occasion she wants to drive it and I think she looks tough as nails behind the wheel, even if she can't push the clutch in!!!

My wife is free to use the 911 anytime she wants. But has never asked, not that she has to mind you. She knows how much the car means to me and would not want to be part of any occurance that brought harm to it. The 28mm rear 22 front torrsion bars 22 sway bars and solid motor and tranny mounts might also have something to do with her lack of interest in driving the car. Besides I think her car might just win a drag race between the two.

Skip 77911sc

How about this? Last week I asked her to switch cars with me for a day as I need the blazer to transport folks to a meeting. "You know I won't drive your car" was the curt reply I received.
She drove it for five minutes the day I bought it and has never shown any interest in it at all. I count my blessings.

Well my solution is that my car is insured to be driven by one person only, ME. Besides she can always drive her 944. And after yesterday when she dented the side of my Civic backing out of a underground parking spot I doubt that she would want to drive my car. (No, I was perfectly calm, after all a Honda is just a car)

Robert

I think the answer is pretty simple. What means more to you, the relationship or your car?
If you're really lucky you may have 15-20 more cars in your life but only one wife.
At the rate you're going the reverse will probably be true. If that happens you won't have enough money to keep the car you have.
http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/wink.gif

Okay, its been a couple of days now.
Since the females have been 'voicing' themsevles lately, do you let your men drive your porsches?
What do you think of this topic altogether?

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Clint
73T mfi coupe

Dude, no way were you being unreasonable.

If she wants to go to the shops let her take her own car. If she didnt have a car, then fair enough, you should have offered to pay for a cab. http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/wink.gif

I virtually never took my 911 on short commutes to the shops. Whats the point? its barely time to get it warmed up.

It is a bit dumb arguing about it though. But she should have respected your opinion. If you say no then you mean no.
I mean, where the hell is it going to end? Its the thin end of the wedge.
Would you have let her cart a barrel of fish around in it? or perhaps a couple of wet long haired dogs?
No way would you. You dont want your car smelling of fish and dogs. And you dont want your car being driven to the mall and parked next to an SUV.

Hope that helps. http://www.pelicanparts.com/ultimate/wink.gif

Alex "In real life in scared of my girl friend" Counsell.

Is it unreasonable? That’s a tough call not knowing anything about Daryl and his wife.

Personally, I think Jim T’s got it right in that it depends on the relationship. Some couples share everything and others have distinctly different hobbies. Its whatever works for that couple. But if the car is treated differently than other hobbies, then I could see a problem.

If a spouse is genuinely interested in cars, a competent driver, and knows/abides by the level of care that the car usually gets, then not “allowing” them to drive it does seem unreasonable to me. BUT a spouse who knows what your car means to you, who doesn’t meet those criteria, and yet suddenly wants to drive your car seems to have some other agenda.

Clint, since you asked, I have no problem loaning my car out to people whose driving skills I trust (although that IS a pretty small number of people). I want to go with them the first time and tell them about that good ol’ 915 tranny, but that’s about it. Anyone who is into cars enough to want to drive it should know that I don’t want it parked in between two SUVs. (And btw, I can't imagine marrying someone whose driving I didn't trust.)


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Regina

[This message has been edited by IXXI (edited 05-17-2001).]

...

That's what divorce is for!!!!!!