Co-worker with "gender identity" issues - how do I handle this?
 

I work in a relatively small architectural office (approx. 10 people) and have a co-worker who has been battling with "gender identity" issues for some time. She is biologically female but for whatever reason, sees herself as a guy. As such, she's been looking into "transgender" options for some time. She claims she's been grappling with this her entire life and it's not just a rash decision.

Well, in the last couple of weeks she's decided it's time to take the first steps towards abandoning her female persona. She cut her hair very guy-looking now, wears male clothing and is now legally pursuing her name to a name that is clearly male (she has a name currently that is quite clearly female - no option to have one of them "either-or" names).

How do I deal with this in a professional setting? I have to have her potentially deal with clients, consultants, etc. but they all know her by her female name and obviously some of them might be quite shocked by this transformation. Especially if she pursues the surgery options to physically complete the transformation, which she's planning on doing (yes, she knows it'll be long, painful and require hormone injections for life and all that - I'm not getting involved with her decision - I'm making the assumption that she knows what she's getting into).

Anyway, have any of you had to deal with something like this in a workplace setting? How in the heck do I deal with it? Personally I think the whole thing is nuts and indicative of some serious underlying psychological problem, but it's not my place to be judgemental (not to mention the potential liability issues). As such, I need to know the "correct" professional way to deal with this.

Any advice?

wow...i wouldnt do a thing. i think you open up more liability issues even worrying about it. if she is cool with it, wtf? roll with it.

The choice is her's to make and his alone. Maybe start calling her by just his last name from now on to ease transistion. Better yet, ask her how he would like to handle the situation.

Is it a company, or a circus act? Of course, it is a company.

I would fire her. You certainly don't need that kind of grief, and neither do your other employees. If i was an employee there, and she didn't go, odds are, i would.

Shrug.

I'm glad I don't live in California anymore.

Encourage her to go work for the City of San Francisco, since they now cover those medical treatments on insurance.

Post-it note on the forehead with whatever name it is using for that day! Just fooling.

Are you kidding me, let the individual deal with it.

Maybe you could try to persuade her that it's ok to be a girl?
Take one for the team?
The ol' college try?
Give her your own version of home injection?


Sorry...

There's a great quote from "Chasing Amy", that would be very inappropriate about now.

Can't fire (this isn't my company so it's ultimately not my decision to make - all I could do is recommend it).

Even if it were my call, she's a good worker and doing such a thing would REALLY open you up to potential lawsuits. Technically CA is an "at will" state so I suppose you could terminate someone without cause, but it wouldn't take a particularly savvy or good attorney to put two and two together and make a legal case about it anyway.

Although I don't "get it" and think the whole thing is ridiculous, I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she knows what's best for her. Again - it's not my place or intention to be judgmental in the workplace (even though I think she's flaky as a creme puff) but I obviously have to reconcile this with other contact individuals in the course of day-to-day business.

Very strange situation. I try to keep everything at work, work (professional), but this one has me thrown for a loop. It's so bizarre and not something I understand or can relate to. Don't want to say/do the wrong thing, but obviously it has an impact on our business. . .

This weekend I saw the movie Trans America. Not something I usually would see but we were at the cabin and the other couple we were there with rtented it. It is very moving in way and instructive to your situation. First, imagine how difficult life must be for a person living in such pain that they decide to change their gender. That's some serious pain.

Have some compassion for someone in that much distress. Call him/her whatever he/she asks you to and treat him/her whatever gender he/she wants to be. I've had to do it with clients, and it's pretty freaky at first, but after you've done it, it seems old hat. It's like dealing with someone who's blind: the kindest thing you can do to them is treat them like you don't notice anything different about them. After you've done it for one day you won't even notice anymore. If she's a good worker, who cares what she looks like.

I would first find out if gender dysphoria is a disability for which reasonable accommodation is required under California State law. It isn't in Washington, but CA has traditionally been more progressive.

Jeff, sometimes you can't help but be judgemental. It is our nature to pre-judge somethings. This is downright weird and I agree she has some problems. What can you do? I would not go on record in any way about this, since you'll be part of the lawsuit, when it happens.

I'll repeat my first statement: I am glad I no longer live in California (or New York, for that matter).

Be supportive but don't get too involved.

FWIW, I'm pretty sure CA protects discrimination based on sexual orientation and sexual identity. Again, if she's a good worker, why do you care?

I work with a few people like you describe, both types (effeminate guys and masculine gals), don't know if any are having the "plumbing reworked". It's just business as usual and you roll with it.

I'm sure it's something she/he has spent considerable time contemplating, I don't think anyone would want to subject themselves to ridicule and being treated as a freak if they weren't convinced of their beliefs. Call her whatever she wants to be called and treat her/him like you would any "new" employee.

Aren't you just an employee? Don't do anything to "handle" it, it's not your business, just do your job.

Sometimes it's good to not be the owner of the company. This is one of them.

Just start calling her/him "Pat" and be done with it;)

Pics please.

Also- did you hit it before?

ask her if you can be her pre and post-op support coach.