behavior modification on others children (etiquette)

[speedracing944]

My sister and brother-in-law were over yesterday with their four boys ages 11, 8, 6 and almost 3. The four boys are a very rough group always pounding on each other and generally suffer from a lack of direction and discipline. They are products of constant video game playing and TV watching. So yesterday the youngest boy was running around in the house getting in all sorts of trouble. He was up stairs even after telling him it was off limits. He ran under the electric fence and went into the horse pasture and was under the pony, he open the barn gate and almost let the horse out into the yard. We stopped the pony right before it left the barn. He again went under the fence to the pony even after I turned the electric fence on. He would constantly hit people with objects while laughing and throw things across the room. The 2 biggest things is he went to my outside screen door, opened it and grabbed it and pulled until the hydraulic dampener ripped right off the door. The second big item was he went to my wife's fathers old toy box from when he was a kid and pulled on the lid hard enough to rip the hinges right off.

The whole time my sister and brother-in-law do nothing. They just sit there and witness it happening. Now I am a fairly laid back guy but I spent the whole time just monitoring this little brats destruction and trying to prevent it from happening.

We are having a combined birthday party for my near 3 year old daughter and this near 3 year old brat. The party is next month and I am down right scared of the mass destruction this kid is going to cause. I do not wish to spend the hole time "babysitting" this kid but want to enjoy the party with our guests and my daughter.

I want to tell my sister she needs to watch her kids and the first thing broken and or spilled sends them packing. Now I understand spilling happens and if it is in the kitchen it's fine but all the kids know no food items are aloud outside the kitchen.

BTW these kids would "own" Jojo from Supernanny. They would make the poor lady cry.

What would you guys do?????

Speedy

[Danny_Ocean]

Only one thing you can do: Never invite them again! You can speak with your Sis until you're blue in the face...ain't gonna change one damn thing. The little monsters aren't going to magically "behave" after a good talking to.

Tell your Sis they aren't invited and explain why. That's about all you can do...

I have booted more than one person from my shop when they let their brats run wild through my cars/bikes. New rule: No kids in the shop.

[HardDrive]

We had a little girl come to our house recently that we thought was going to be a holy terror. She is rude and does not listen to her parents. But our daughter wanted her to come over for a sleep over, and we like the couple, so we went for it.

So she gets over here, and we simply treat her like our own daughter. We would set limits on activities, and when it was time to clean up, we just did it. The girl was fine. She didn't mind us setting limits and asking her (nicely but firmly) to do things at all. She had a good time. Just show you the problem is not with the kid!

You would not believe some of these Seattle parents. Their kids are rotten little jerks, and when they do something terrible, they just get this pathetic 'oh, kids will be kids' look on their face.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

I'd have thrown their asses out. I'd not invite them back and let them know why. Or tell them next time THEY are invited but their kids are not.

[scottmandue]

Oh crap, I'm agreeing with Danny.

No way you can change years of bad parenting in a day (or two).

Any chance you can move the party to their house? (and don't be afraid to tell them why).

Or ask sis if you can physically discipline her kids? (and don't be afraid to tell her why).

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Or ask sis if you can physically discipline her kids? (and don't be afraid to tell her why).

I know it will most likely never happen, but I pray for the day someone permits me to discipline their brat(s)...

[livi]

I can really appreciate this thread. I am suppose to be a pediatrician, but I hate brats and more so their parents who do not care if their little devils destroy other peoples homes and bully other kids. Being a pro, as it were, I never beat around the bush. I ask the parents ONCE to look after their brats. If they don´t, I immediately proceed by doing it myself - preferably in front of the parents. I practice very firm, decisive guidance for those kids. Typically they behave like angels when I am done with them. Sisters, brothers or best friends kids makes no difference. These children need guidelines and I am very willing to step in if the parents fail!

[speedracing944]

I don't want to move the party to their house due to it being a complete dump where you can't find 1 place in the whole house where you can sit without something sticking to your backside. Everything in their house is trashed and filthy. That is where we normally have the parties but there are family members who live far away which we don't get to see often and they haven't been out to our place in a long time.

If I can get a permission slip signed where I have the authority to discipline that would be fine but I would have to take the little brat on for 2 days before the party for an intense behavior modification boot-camp.

We did end the visit short yesterday due to all the destruction. The initial plan was to go to the fireworks with them. The visit ended at 5:00 PM instead.

I spent 2 hours so far today repairing the destruction. The things he didn't get a chance to destroy due to being caught..

My 1920's Zenith radio given to my by my Great Grandmother... 3 times avoided
My wife's early 1900's lawyer cabinet housing precious artifacts from my wife's Great Grandmother... 3 times avoided

He did gain access to my garage numerous times where I have 2 complete engines torn apart on the garage floor. My heart was racing then.


Speedy

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by speedracing944

I don't want to move the party to their house due to it being a complete dump where you can't find 1 place in the whole house where you can sit without something sticking to your backside. Everything in their house is trashed and filthy.

Wow...that is truly a surprise.

[Dantilla]

Have the party off-site. A picnic in a park, or a kid friendly pizza place. Someplace where you are not responsible for anything. That way, the only things you need to protect are your own kids.

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by Dantilla

Have the party off-site. A picnic in a park, or a kid friendly pizza place. Someplace where you are not responsible for anything. That way, the only things you need to protect are your own kids.

There you go! Problem solved.

[Danny_Ocean]

I'm gonna write a book and call it "The Col. Bull Meecham Guide to Raising Your Well-Behaved Child"...

[David]

I had this problem for years with my racing buddy/boss' son. He's 16 now and a lot better, but those early years were a challenge.

I had to watch him constantly if he was at our house, so we did our best to keep him away. He'd go through everything in my garage, but luckily I did catch his worse shot at destruction: he turned off the water valves for the pool pumps!

I almost strangled him on several occasions, but somehow managed to restrain my anger and just show my displeasure with a firm arm grasp and a stern talking to.

Unfortunately I think it was either too late or too genetic to change his behavior.

[VaSteve]

I'd just ignore the idiots (Danny, Jeff) on this thread that post without having kids of their own. Since you have one of your own, you should know what's not tolerable. Talk to your sis and bro-in-law. Tell them the score and that if they can't watch him, they can't come over. FWIW, I would have snapped at him a bit if mom and dad weren't doing it.

However, if you know you have breakable stuff about and you're having kids over, it's only common sense to put it up. We had a birthday party for my 1 year old last week, I keep my Cannondale road bike on rollers in the basement. I just put it away so the kids could play down there. (That's where most of the toys are). I had to secure a couple of other things as well.

My 3 year old tends to get a little wild when he's tired. I he's getting too wild, I don't mind if people say something to him. The punishment he gets from me is FAR worse than being snapped into shape by a relative. (He once threw something at my father in law and the spanking...in front of everyone... was swift and severe. Nobody said a word to me when we returned to the room.) The only one that bothers me when she says something to him is my sister in law. She's a day care teacher and is alwasy around kids. I don't like her method.

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by VaSteve

I'd just ignore the idiots (Danny, Jeff) on this thread that post without having kids of their own. Since you have one of your own, you should know what's not tolerable. Talk to your sis and bro-in-law. Tell them the score and that if they can't watch him, they can't come over.

So, "idiot"...other than how you word it, what's the difference between my advice and yours? I don't need to have kids to know how to discipline them. There's good kids and there's little ****** monsters. Where on the scale do yours fit in?

Originally Posted by Danny_Ocean

Tell your Sis they aren't invited and explain why.

Sheesh...yet another 944 owner dissing me. I should just click "ignore" on all of 'em...

...

[VaSteve]

Originally Posted by Danny_Ocean

So, idiot...other than how you word it, what's the difference between my advice and yours? I don't need to have kids to know how to discipline them. There's good kids and there's little ****** monsters. Where on the scale do yours fit in?

Sheesh...yet another 944 owner. I should just click "ignore" on all of 'em...

The only difference is that you seem as if you would enjoy it:

Originally Posted by Danny_Ocean

I know it will most likely never happen, but I pray for the day someone permits me to discipline their brat(s)...

I see a lot of "advice" doled out here by people with little experience to speak of (just a loath for children). Until you've walked a mile...

[968rz]

I agree with Harddrive; when kids come over I treat them as they were mine, when I say no it’s no (done!) and if the parents have issues with it they can leave.
My house - my stuff - my rules
In party situations I do give allot of leeway but malicious destruction is out.

[Danny_Ocean]

Originally Posted by VaSteve

The only difference is that you seem as if you would enjoy it: I see a lot of "advice" doled out here by people with little experience to speak of (just a loath for children). Until you've walked a mile...

I got my ass beat if I was out of line as a kid. Never been in trouble with the law. Never even sat in the back seat of a cop car. Perhaps more parents today should break out the belt/yardstick and get busy.

I don't have to have kids to know when I see those that are undisciplined. And yes, I would enjoy very much disciplining children who deserved it in order to demonstrate to their parents how it's done.

[Seahawk]

Originally Posted by 968rz

I agree with Harddrive; when kids come over I treat them as they were mine, when I say no it’s no (done!) and if the parents have issues with it they can leave.
My house - my stuff - my rules
In party situations I do give allot of leeway but malicious destruction is out.

Absolutely. The most telling was the episode with the Pony: I would have (and have) snatched the little miscreant by the arm, gently and without malice, away from the animal. The animal doesn't need the BS

Having stupid parents is no reason for injury...Speedy, take you BIL for a ride and let him know exactly what to expect next time, just as 968rz detailed.

[Racerbvd]

Your house, your rules, plain & simple. When I was younger, I had a friend who would aways stay at my house when my sister moved in, and he had this really fat girlfriend with a little monster of a kid. My sister would keep inviting them even though she knew I didn't want them there. One night,when I came in from the races, they were all there watching TV and the kid was teasing my cat, I clearly stated that was not OK, and they responded that it was Just A Cat
I then said that Cat lives here, you guys don't and if that kid hits my cat oine more time I was going to hit them, the mother called her brat over to sit with her.
Well, a bit later the kid laid down in front of the TV and went to sleep. Well, Felix walks over to him, climbs up on top of him, at which time, the mother said "see, you cat likes him, them Felix started peeing on the kid, looked at the others and came over & hopped into my lap No one moved and I just laughed. Felix showed how much he like MMatt by crapping in his shoes.