My fiance is cheating on me and addicted to meth
 

I really don't feel like typing it all out again, so I'm just copy+pasting it from my myspace blog. I tried to edit cursing. I'm just really not very happy right now



So this past Friday evening, Melissa goes to work, and sends me a text message saying she went out drinking with a friend and just crashed at her place. No problem. So Saturday morning I call a few times, no answer. So I text her asking if she's coming home. She texts me back "Sorry, I'll be home tomorrow, I LOVE YOU!". I call a few times throughout the day, but she never answers. I texted her a few times, and no answer there either. I start to worry. Sunday rolls around, and she finally texts me again, saying "I'll be home tomorrow, I PROMISE!!!" But she doesn't come home. For that matter, she doesn't answer the phone, or respond to text messages. Odd. I call both places she works, and they haven't seen her either. She showed up Saturday morning to get her paycheck from one place, and that's all anyone has seen her. She's missed a few days of work, and won't answer the phone when she calls.

So naturally, I'm pretty worried. I'm a bit angry, too. She and I recently got engaged, and set "the date" for January 2010. We had been doing very well, at least I thought. Then suddenly BAM! She disappears, and no one knows where she is. She won't call. She isn't at work. What's up? I send her a text saying that this is a really messed up thing to pull on someone she's engaged to. No response. I call. Her phone is turned off, goes straight to voice mail. I'm worried sick. This is the love of my life, and I don't even know if she's safe? What's going on?

Monday shows up. I hear nothing the entire day. She doesn't answer her phone or respond to texts. I go to work that night, worried as *****, praying to the god I don't believe in that she's okay. On my PT break, I run out to my car, hoping that maybe there's a message on my phone saying "I'm sorry about these past few days. I'm coming home." But nothing. Nothing on Tuesday either. Nothing. Something is not right here. I send her a text saying if she isn't home or if I haven't heard from her by the next day, I"m going to the police and reporting her missing. I'm worried sick. No response.

And so Wednesday morning, about 4 hours ago actually, as I get off work I get a bright idea (thanks Ssgt Luna!) to check her cell phone. We share a family plan, which I pay for, so I was able to see all her recent calls. Oh, someone has been calling a lot over the past few days. But does she call me, her fiance? No. What is going on here?

So I start calling the numbers on there. The first one I call, some guy answers and says "Oh, Melissa? Yeah, she's fine! She's just been hanging out with my wife! They're at the mall shopping right now."

What the f*ck? Did I hear this guy correctly? Yes, I did.

So I call the next number. A guy answers, I tell him she's missing and ask if he knows anything. He says no, he's worried too though, 'cause he hasn't heard from her in a while. He asks who I am. "Oh, I'm her fiance," I reply. There is a pause on the other end. As it turns out, this guy was her other boyfriend. They had been together for about 3 weeks. Sleeping together, too. This is great. He tells me the story she told him: Melissa told him she moved here with "some guy" (me) that lied to her and cheated on her, so she left him. Interesting. Also, a complete LIE.

So, my beloved fiance, the absolute love of my life. I've never loved anyone like her. She refuses to talk to me, and apparently she's f*cking someone else. Great. But it gets better.

I send her a text, saying I know about her boyfriend, and she is to return my car to me or I'm reporting the car stolen in a few hours. No reply of course. I also text her saying that I'm putting her stuff in boxes, and she's not welcome here anymore. WELL WELL WELL, as I'm pulling her clothes out of drawers and putting them into boxes, what do I find? A lighter and a small bag with little white rocks and powder in it. Yes, that's right. METH!! I should have pissed on her stuff right there. But no, me being the nice guy I am, I put her stuff in boxes fairly neatly, labeled them with her name and even wrote "heavy, lift carefully" on them and placed them outside. And so right now I'm wondering how much of everything she said was a complete lie.


It's just a really messed up thought. She's the love of my life. She completes me. We've known each other for almost 6 years. I've spent over 6 thousand dollars flying her out to Hawaii, moving her and her stuff out here. I've helped her pay off debts, and I was in the process of helping her fix her credit. I gave her a wonderful life full of love and support. I clothed her, I fed her, I gave her shelter. I never judged her for her past. I was 100% open with her about everything. I bought her a beautiful engagement ring. And in the end, she turned out to be a meth-addicted liar that was ****ing someone else for the past month. And she has has my car! So all that time, all those memories, all of that LOVE... It was all for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Not a f*cking thing in this god d*mn world. I guess I should be glad she has my $300 beater and not my vintage Porsche 911.

I guess I should edit the title of the thread to say "EX-fiance". This is nuts. I'm still in shock. i had no idea. Talking about it seems to make it easier getting over her. Ugh.

And in case anyone is wondering, I have changed the key locks on our apartment, so she can't get in and steal anything and sell it for drug money. Now I'm just worried that she might do something to my Porsche.

Run away from her as fast as you can and count your lucky stars!
In 10 years she'll be a vague memory and not your ex-wife raising your kids or worse.

Sorry for your news, but be thankful, this women is pure evil.

yeah. I'm definitely leaving her far behind, and I'm glad it happened now and not when we were married. But wow, completely blindsided, you know? It's still hard to believe it happened. I still havent heard from her, by the way. I guess at least now I'll have more money for my Porsche.

Thats tough Dude, but like said earlier, better now that after the I do's and many years of your life invested.

Dude, I hope you get your car back.

Yeah. The car she took was just a beater I bought from craigslist, but it has kinda grown on me. And besides, it's mine, and she's on drugs. Gimme mah car back!

Sounds like you've made the right move. Additionally you should get yourself checked for HIV hepatitis, etc.

Not to sound alarmist, but she has been around the block A LOT and you don't need any more suprises in the future.

Be sure you are clean and get it all behind you ASAP.

Seriously consider reporting her to the police. In the end you may do her a big favor.

I'm definitely going in and getting tested for everything.

I called the police and tried reporting the car stolen, but hawaii laws are strange. Friday, last time I saw her, she had my permission to drive the car. Even though later I sent her a text saying to bring it back, I'm reporting it, since INITIALLY she had my permission it gets tricky. Now I have to tell her in person or over the phone to give me my car back and set up a date for her to do so. Then, if she doesn't bring it back, it will be grand theft auto. Here in hawaii they take grand theft auto serious, the cop's own words were that they usually go into auto theft situations "with guns a blazing. She could end up getting shot."

Good luck...I'm sure you will catch up with her eventually. Can you not report her for drug possession? I realize this may be a can of worms.

And get the ring back too.

From what I understand, the ring is considered a gift. So it's hers. Since I haven't heard from her at all in something like 3 days now, I can report her missing. That would at least get the ball rolling, legally.

You are taking it well, and doing the right thing. Park yur car elsewhere for a while, and consider a new apartment. When you get tested for STDs, you will have to have a follow up in six months. Ask me how I know.

Remember, there are women you date, and women you marry. Not all women are like this one. And while a woman wants you to think that she is the only one, there are about 5 billion more out there to choose from. Happy dating.

I know a guy in Omaha with a story similar to yours. Except he came home early one day and got his face bashed in by 3 black guys.

It sucks man and I am sure it will be difficult times for a while but I agree with the rest, you are doing the right thing.

Wait! Don't give up. You can save her from a life of drugs and sex with strangers. Give her more lavish gifts and for heaven's sake....let her drive the Porsche. A $300 beater??? How dare you! She crying out for your help...can't you hear it?

Seriously. . .one has to wonder how you could be an "item" for six years and not have any indication that she's morphed into a meth-whore. Hopefully you've learned a difficult lesson, luckily before getting married. Run Forest Run! The next time the "love of your life" calls to tell you sleeping over at a girlfriend's house...pay attention now...SHE'S NOT.

BTDT.

That's sad. Years from now you'll be thinking "I'm glad it didn't work out with what's her face or I never would have ended up with the wonderful woman I'm with." In the meantime it's hard, very hard.
-Chris

If you have any joint accounts (checking, savings, etc) close them immediately and re-open new accounts in your name only.

Horrible story, man. At least this happened before you were married, had kids, etc. My ex-wife pulled a stunt similar to this minus the meth. It's a huge blow when it happens - I know - but trust me, you'll look back on this and actually be thankful that it happened. As Obi-wan would say, "This is not the wife you're looking for..."

Good luck...

Better now than after the "I do" :( Time to move on Bro, is all about choices.

I have a real good friend that started like that and he married her, she cheated 3 times on him and the last time was after 30 years of been married, he lost everything he work for, his explanation, I should had walk away the first time. ;)

You can't fix broken people. I'm so glad I learned this lesson with a girlfriend in high school and not later on. It's a tough lesson to learn though, especially when the person in question can fake being normal and functional.

wow yer where i was at 10 yrs ago! run like a mo-fo..............split/leave/haul ass/get outta dodge with this one. in regards to the ring.......if ya dont like the idea of it being pawned for more dope, then explain to her that it is a promissary note to get married. since she has defunked on that promise legally in some states you get the ring back.

as mentioned 10 yrs(where i am at) it will be merely a speedbump in yer life. for now get yer stuff back and move on. if not move out to another home with no forwarding address. i promise you they will want to come back sooner or later and the same crap happens again. i made damn sure there "was no coming back", once the line in the sand was crossed.

she left on my birthday 9/22/99.................BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT I EVER GOT OR EVER WILL GET! BAR NONE!

since heavy duty users tend to hang together, you have upset the hornets nest big time by getting cops involved. just get yer stuff back and step away from the dysfunction..........NOW ASAP!

lets see how many of these have i read just like this, just exactly like my situation, here on pelican over the last few years. you aint alone on this juan buddy........ITS EVERYWHERE! illegal heavy duty drug abuse or prescribed heavy duty drug/booze abuse(my case).

man i dont do/handle DYSFUNCTIONAL BEHAVIOR NO MO! EVER! good luck with this.

well you already got the right response several times over so i'll just say i'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Good luck in the future!

What a horrible situation. Sounds like you have your head on straight though, good luck.

Sums it up nicely

Could have been worse. You could have been married and discovered her secret life.

This has the makings of an EPIC thread.

Seriously, consider yourself lucky it went south before you got married.

Don't forget to cancel the cell phone. You should also consider freezing your credit for a while. She will be looking for cash anyway she can get it soon enough.

I'm so very sorry, Armon! Often there can be no worse feeling than that of a broken heart; perhaps the most unique emotion within the "human condition". To add insult to injury, this hurt was delivered by a trusted and loved person who revealed herself to be so duplicitous and destructive. However, there can be no turning back. Thems be the breaks, and you'll have to be strong in moving forward. Sure, you're angry now, but you sound like a caring guy...anger will wear off and you'll begin to feel sentimental, and at some point - as is so often the case with addicts - she'll be plucking your heart strings. I think, when the time is right, forgiveness will help with closure (for your own benefit, not hers), but I think it's important to stop there...close the book and let it go! F_CK IT! Time will heal you...

You're extremely lucky to have it happen now, before the wedding, before kids etc. The woman is screwed up and it's NO LONGER YOUR PROBLEM!!! I would consider that the beater is cheap insurance that she'll stay gone.

Tons of good women out there who would love to find a good man. Put it behind you as fast as possible and don't look back.

Better now than later! I agree with everyone else, make sure her name is off of EVERYTHING, get checked for STDs, and keep a close eye on your credit. If she tries to come back, don't even let her sorry ass into your house.

That's gotta hurt. But it will pass. Sorry for your pain!

H - Man: Was out in NYC last night with fellow HPU grads and we all had drinks and talked about how we miss Hawaii. But the topic of drugs and the transient nature of the place did come up as well. There is an underbelly and it can get very nasty, very quickly.

Take a week or two off from work, go home and see the family for the holidays if you can. Change your phone number and call the repo man to find the car and deliver it strait to the junkyard. When you get back, find a new apartment..

Very good advice on this board. Take it.

Definitely get tested today, and again in 6 mos. That is priority 1.

Priority 2 is removing everything of hers from your place. You already did that.

Some people are rotten to their vile cores. She is rotten. Her mistake was playing her hand before you were married. You got very, very lucky dude. All you have to do to extricate yourself is get rid of her junk. Just give her meth to the police for evidence.

Report the car stolen so that you aren't responsible for whatever she does with it. Forget the ring- its gone. Getting it back would mean seeing her again. Not worth it.

There is a chance she will re-emerge with a story. You guys are through. Anyone who could pull something like she just did is simply vile.

I feel horrible for you- you sound like you knew about some sordid past of hers, and were willing to accept it and be a nurturer and help her out. You are the perfect victim - a nice, caring guy. Legion spoke the cold, hard truth as I know it- people can't be fixed. Find a girl who wants to care for YOU.

Act II will be the most painful.

She will find you again. She will tell you she has "changed" and "learned from her mistakes". She will tell you that she loves you and misses you. She will act normal and functional again. She will be setting you up for the exact same thing again.

She needs a "safety net" so she can go out whoring and doping up. She will say or do anything to make you that safety net. She needs your money, your apartment, your car. She doesn't need you, but she needs to make you think she does.

This will be the real test: what do you do when she returns?

You got lucky, I was married for 16 years to this woman that got involved with that and I dumped her like a hot rock. If you want to rescue something rescue a 911S or a T. not a woman. You will find someone that you don't need to clothe or support that much, I couldn't be happier. I just retired and my current wife makes enough to where I really don't have to go back to work. My ex never worked a day in her life. Good luck.

I've done lots of volunteer work over the years through my church and part of that work was trying to help people with addictions.
One thing I am sure of, trying to help a meth addict is a waste of effort. They will only drag you down and hurt you, you will not help them. Kick her to the curb, cut all ties, under no circumstances should you ever have anything to do with her ever again. Period. It's cold, it's harsh, but it is reality.

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I know a guy in Omaha with a story similar to yours. Except he came home early one day and got his face bashed in by 3 black guys. That's different than getting it bashed in by 3 White guys;)

Hate crime? Oh wait, only white people can commit hate crimes.:cool:

You're letting her keep the ring... good, don't look back. Besides she'll need the ring for some quick cash later on. Harsh, I know.

no way??!!! i guess you cant make this schit up.

go and buy an effen lotto ticket quick! you just got paroled and it is the luckiest moment in your life.

screw the car, call it in stolen, abandon the ring, (unless it is really ROCKin, then get that sucka back) cancel her cell phone. meth is really sweeter if you order up the baggies from a payphone. easier for the dealer to drop it off too.

abandon ship, buddy.

That is some Jerry Springer **** right there!

Get the car back or report it stolen. Now.

If she causes a wreck or hurts or kills someone with it, you and your insurance company could be on the hook. Could ruin you. Adios Porsche.

Do NOT, NOT cancel insurance on a car that has your name on the title. EVER.

Do it now.

Good advise. I recommend a repo man. they will find it faster than the cops and less drama and spare you the "he said, she said..". Just let them find it and give them the title.