Lock and load boys, the invasion has begun.

[HardDrive]

Oh, sure. Penguins. Nice cute news story. But those of us aware of the constant threat of zombie invasion know that this is really just the first infiltration wave of zombies, using zombie penguins as a cute but effective mechanism of distraction from whats REALLY going on.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27004165/

How if you will excuse me, I have magazines to load.....

[RWebb]

are they gonna take our jobs?

[Rot 911]

I don't trust them. The look suspicious.

[id10t]

Anyway, this one looks like the poor penguin is not really strong enough to hold up the world, and it's going to get squashed. Not a good, positive logo, in that respect..

Now, when you think about penguins, first take a deep calming breath, and then think "cuddly". Take another breath, and think "cute". Go back to "cuddly" for a while (and go on breathing), then think "contented".

With me so far? Good..

Now, with penguins, (cuddly such), "contented" means it has either just gotten laid, or it's stuffed on herring. Take it from me, I'm an expert on penguins, those are really the only two options.

Now, working on that angle, we don't really want to be associated with a randy penguin (well, we do, but it's not politic, so we won't), so we should be looking at the "stuffed to its brim with herring" angle here.

So when you think "penguin", you should be imagining a slighly overweight penguin (*), sitting down after having gorged itself, and having just burped. It's sitting there with a beatific smile - the world is a good place to be when you have just eaten a few gallons of raw fish and you can feel another "burp" coming.

(*) Not FAT, but you should be able to see that it's sitting down because it's really too stuffed to stand up. Think "bean bag" here.

Now, if you have problems associating yourself with something that gets off by eating raw fish, think "chocolate" or something, but you get the idea.

Ok, so we should be thinking of a lovable, cuddly, stuffed penguin sitting down after having gorged itself on herring. Still with me?

NOW comes the hard part. With this image firmly etched on your eyeballs, you then scetch a stylizied version of it. Not a lot of detail - just a black brush-type outline (you know the effect you get with a brush where the thickness of the line varies). THAT requires talent. Give people the outline, and they should say [ sickly sweet voice, babytalk almost ]"Ooh, what a cuddly penguin, I bet he is just _stuffed_ with herring", and small children will jump up and down and scream "mommy mommy, can I have one too?".

Some people have told me they don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of Linux, which just tells me they have never seen a angry penguin charging at them in excess of 100mph. They'd be a lot more careful about what they say if they had.

[gtc]

Figures: A bunch of illegals exploiting the [animal] health-care system. What we need is a net around the entire country. With cameras.
Fortunately our Directed Energy Sea Mammal program will be on-line soon.

[dhoward]

That was FUNNY!


uh, wasn't it?

[RWebb]

cuddly?

ever been winged by one of those little muthas?

these are not your ordinary birds - you walk up to one, they don't run off, but stand their ground and dare you to 'eff wit 'em

you try to pick one up -- for the glory of science, you understand -- you'd think they'd be frickin' honored but noooo.... before you can ram a thermometer up their cloaca -- they wap that wing into your shins

you're lucky if you're just black and blue for a few months -- with a good hit they can break you dang leg

we were just errand boy-graduate students sent by professors to collect temperatures and blood samples.

you cannot imagine the horror, the unimaginable horror!

it's impossible for words to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means. Horror. Horror has a face, and you must make a friend of horror. Horror and moral terror are your friends when dealing with these creatues. If they are not, then they are enemies to be feared.

exterminate all the brutes!

[onewhippedpuppy]

Cute and cuddly, common zombie trick. Either that, or they heard that Brazil has some great looking bikini chicks.

[DARISC]

I know a guy who slipped on penguin poop and broke his leg.

That's all.

[Jim Richards]

Penguins taste like chicken.