Room monkeys anyone?

[imcarthur]

Anybody else infested with room monkeys?

(Definition: Room monkey - An adult child that won’t leave home)

We have my wife’s 23 year old son. He finished a local college program. Got a Low level banking job with commiserate pay through the co-op program. A year ago he married his Chinese girlfriend. She arrived last August. They live in his bedroom, only bursting out to feed & go to work.

We hear them thumping around occasionally & mumbled discussions. Thankfully, we’ve never heard THAT. They have a TV, 2 computers, a phone, 2 cell phones, 2 video game consoles. Her clothing also took over & obliterated our spare bedroom. It is now her walk-in closet. She surfaces to cook frequently, but none of us really likes her cooking – including him. But her cooking paraphernalia has consumed all available space in cupboards & fridge. 2 evil vinegars, 3 soy sauces, unidentifiable growths in jars & containers, 30 varieties of tea ingredients & the list goes on. He only cooks with the nuker. Mostly our leftovers or any of the scores of Chinese takeout options in our refrigerator in different stages of going bad. She saves everything & throws nothing out.

She has had difficulty getting suitable work – Master’s from Cdn University & her English is very good but . . . . And that is their excuse for staying. That & the high cost of the perfect condo in the perfect location that they feel that they deserve. He’s financially responsible & they seem to be saving some cash but they also binge in spurts. She is a bit of a princess & she occasionally dresses unsuitably (according to my wife). No. I’m not posting pics. They’re young & stupid, so it’s hard to blame them BUT THEY’RE LIVING IN MY F*CKING HOUSE! I tell them to leave. They laugh but know I’m only half joking. They claim they want to leave as badly as we want them to. We have had some clashes. But my wife won’t let me throw their crap on the front lawn . . . yet. They are driving us crazy.

Room monkeys. Anybody want them? I'll pay . . .

Ian

[Zeke]

I'm sorry Ian, but I'm having a hard time here not LMAO. That's a situation for reality TV.

I guess what they need is an incentive. Sometimes more wood on the fire is the way, if you know what I mean.

[legion]

Charge rent. Make them sign a lease. Spell out exactly what they are and are not allowed to do.

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by legion

Charge rent. Make them sign a lease. Spell out exactly what they are and are not allowed to do.

+1

you are enabling bad behavior. If they want to live life on "their terms" but under your roof...well, then I think you get to set the price.

And make it commensurate with the going rate. I'm paying $1680/mo for a 2br apt. Figure in utilities its north of $2K. Tell 'em that's what you want per month, and btw, the first month is due *in advance*.

I lived at home while i went to college, worked while I went, and once I was done I went off to grad school and that was that. No reason for a college grad with a job and a wife to be living at home unless there were extreme extenuating circumstances.

[imcarthur]

Yes, Reality TV describes it well. It includes a trip to China for the wedding, last-minute threats from her C Party father, drives thru Chinese hinterlands, tearful goodbyes & joyous homecomings. Watching the reality of marriage set in to a young couple. Watching their unrealistic financial plans deflate.

But I want them out.

Charge rent? Ahh, but that steals from their downpayment which means that they'll stay even longer. The concept led to a major meltdown anyway. I thought of charging & saving it & giving it back as a a help with the DP. Due to many factors in the long-term dynamics with the personalities involved, we try to avoid major wars in the house. We have had too many.

We are guilty of circumstantial over-indulgence. But we kept him in school & out of jail. And that was a job well done.

She is a spoiled Chinese one child Beijing princess just to add to the mix.

Ian

[nostatic]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

She is a spoiled Chinese one child Beijing princess just to add to the mix.

Ian

you *have* to follow that with pictures or you will be banned.

You can send her out here for re-education. It's a speciality.

[cstreit]

You'll have to force them out IMO. I don;t know a single person who would have chosen to go back and live with their parents unless a cardboard box in an alley was the only alternative. Honestly you're hurting them because they are not really learning the very important lessons that life has to teach when you start off on your own. I'd have chosen to live in a 1 room *****box than to move back in with the parents. They're supposed to drive you crazy, it's natures way of getting them out of the nest.

She can't find a job? Baloney! She can't find the job that she "deserves" I suspect is closer to the truth. McDonalds is always looking for Asst. Mgr's and the Dry Cleaners is hiring. Get a job, get your own apt. Save your money.

[bell]

1st......start taping classified for-rent ads with circled condos on their bathroom mirror.......
2nd.....kill the internet

i can't believe she even married him since he still lives at home......where the heck is the independence in that?!?!?!

set down the rules and give him a realistic date to move out, 2 months should be PLENTY of notice, he needs to man up and take care of his wife, can't do that when the parents are sleeping in the next room......i learned that one when i was 15

[legion]

Originally Posted by imcarthur

But I want them out.

Charge rent? Ahh, but that steals from their downpayment which means that they'll stay even longer.

Are they too good for an apartment?

A friend of mine went to community college--for a little while. He didn't have much ambition and his parents helped make life comfortable for him. By 23 he was still working at the same job he was at 16--the install bay at Best Buy. He was still living in his childhood bedroom in his parents house.

One day, his father announced that he was charging my friend $400 a month rent. Incensed, he moved out in protest. He found some friends to share an apartment with. Within two years, he had gone from install bay tech, to install bay manager, to store manager. Then he moved to a store manager for Circuit City. He bought a condo. Then he got a job working for a car audio manufacturer working shows like SEMA. He has now hit the point where his lack of bachelor's degree is holding him back. He has gone back to college nights. He plans on proposing to his girlfriend (something he never had when he lived at home) soon.

If his father had never demanded that $400 in rent 4 years ago, I'm convinced he would still be single, without a degree, and working the install bay at Best Buy.

[red-beard]

[Dantilla]

Sell your house. Tell them that you're moving to a great little one-bedroom condo.

[imcarthur]

(pic deleted)

For Nostatic. But I'm deleting it tomorrow.

Ian

[nostatic]

my finger is now off the ban button

Your son is in for a rough ride. Does he understand "whipped"? Because she's going to leave a mark...

[speedracing944]

Start with eviction proceedings much like a real landlord. Document everything and be prepared to have the Sheriffs physically remove their belongings.

My wife's younger brother still lives at home at age 28. He has never moved out and gives excuse after excuse as to why he can't leave. My mother-in-law is a huge enabler and allows it to continue even though it is crippling him. He has time and money to go out almost every day of the week, teach 4 nights a week (unpaid) at the Karate studio he attends and go to school for 8 straight years and never graduate.

I was out by age 18 with only a shirt on my back and my skateboard.

Speedy

[speedracing944]

Start with eviction proceedings much like a real landlord. Document everything and be prepared to have the Sheriffs physically remove their belongings.

My wife's younger brother still lives at home at age 28. He has never moved out and gives excuse after excuse as to why he can't leave. My mother-in-law is a huge enabler and allows it to continue even though it is crippling him. He has time and money to go out almost every day of the week, teach 4 nights a week (unpaid) at the Karate studio he attends and go to school for 8 straight years and never graduate.

I was out by age 18 with only a shirt on my back and my skateboard.

Speedy

[Shaun @ Tru6]

he seems so happy there. this will change.

[legion]

As a contrast....

One of my college roommates still lives in his childhood bedroom. He is 30. He was a Graphic Design major. He would settle for nothing less than either an executive position at an advertising company or a campaign manager. Since graduating 8 years ago, he has been a (non-licensed, non-union) plumber, a teacher's aid, a volunteer soccer coach, and now he is a gopher on a public-access television show. His father (owner of several funeral homes in Chicago) still gives him an allowance and use of his condo in downtown Chicago. His parents are still waiting for him to "find himself" and "get settled".

[m21sniper]

Originally Posted by speedracing944

Start with eviction proceedings much like a real landlord. Document everything and be prepared to have the Sheriffs physically remove their belongings.

My wife's younger brother still lives at home at age 28. He has never moved out and gives excuse after excuse as to why he can't leave. My mother-in-law is a huge enabler and allows it to continue even though it is crippling him. He has time and money to go out almost every day of the week, teach 4 nights a week (unpaid) at the Karate studio he attends and go to school for 8 straight years and never graduate.

I was out by age 18 with only a shirt on my back and my skateboard.

Speedy

Man, some of you guys are ****ing harsh.

I'd just help him with a downpayment...and make it clear that was the end of the gravy train. "Stand or fall, you're on your own now son."

[legion]

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Man, some of you guys are ****ing harsh.

Funny...it's those of us that are younger that are the harshest....

[steveo123456]

I've got my own room monkey but he's not married. My son has just graduated college after a long and difficult 5 years. He's back home since last Saturday and his (and my) priority is to get his career started and his a** out the door. It's all about expectations and you have to make sure everyone is on the same page. I love my son dearly but I know that the best thing I can do for him is to get him out of my house and on with his life.

Oh yeah, he will be paying rent on an escalating scale. The longer he stays the more he pays. Money is a huge motivator. It is not easy to be tough with your baby but it's the responsible thing to do. In the end everyone wins.