Disappointing Experience, Please help me work through this... - Page 3

craigster59 · craigster59's Garage

The Wife and I did the same thing this year, no presents for each other and adopted 2 families. She did the majority of the work, but I went and helped deliver the food baskets and gifts. There were 116 families this year and it is always a different experience with each family. Some, the Wife/Mother/Girlfriend will hide in a bedroom so that you won't recognize them around town as "needy". Most are grateful and the kids get a kick out of it.

I think the kids are key, they're the ones who need a positive experience in their lives, no matter how much of a screw up the parents are. The food baskets help because I'm sure if some of these "adults" had $100 in their pocket it would go towards beer and cigarettes.

What you're doing is a good thing and that's what you need to take from the experience if nothing else. I've got more toys and crap than any person has a right to, might as well spread the wealth.

rammstein · 01-30-2009, 08:51 AM

Volunteer at an animal shelter or a Greyhound rescue. That has been very rewarding for me, and I bet your kids would love it. The dogs ALWAYS love it.

NICKG · 01-30-2009, 09:12 AM

Confusus say: man is not measured by the size of their tv alone

my neighbors have a big tv...new furniture etc...they rent it all. it's like watching the idiots come in to the supermarket with a bucket of change and feed that machine that sorts it....(that is always a good laugh for me, but seriously, it really gives one perspective on how dumb people are )

Laneco · 01-30-2009, 09:14 AM

Years ago, a company that I worked with used to select a family to adopt for Christmas. This went well until the last year we did it... On this particular year, we had selected a family (referred by a local charity organization) with a disabled mother and several pre-teen children. We gathered all the items for a wonderful Christmas dinner, probably several months of canned and non-perishible foods, cleaning supplies, hygiene items and a few gifts (within the paremeters suggested by the organization) for the children.

There was so much stuff that we had to deliver it with my pickup truck and a subaru station wagon! Four of us showed up at the house, a low income subsidzed apartment. The children and mother were all home. Mother had her bed in the living room across from the TV. As she was disabled we did not expect any help moving the items in. The children however, were perfectly capable but just sat there while we hauled in load after load of items. Then she started *****ing because we were blocking her view of the TV...

The kids gifts were last. They asked if that was all...

No "thank you" no nothing.

Ingrates beget ingrates... But here's the deal, Wayne.

Don't let the unworthy spoil the help you are willing to give to those who genuinely need a hand. Find someone (or something) else to benefit from your kindness. Volunteer work rocks. Teach someone to read, mow an elderly widow's lawn, make home made blankets for the homeless shelter, cleanup a national park...

My company has all the concessions at Lake Powell. Every winter we have a cleanup day. Go out on the boats to Rainbow bridge, etc., and pick up every piece of trash on the site and shoreline. Make a beautiful place beautiful again - and have a great family together day in the bargain.

angela

the · 01-30-2009, 09:16 AM

Poor people are addicted to T.V.

We should all be thankful, it helps keep them quiet and docile.

HardDrive · 01-30-2009, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Gaijin

If you let people disappoint you - it will happen all the time. ALL classes, education levels, professional credentials - whatever. Just got to go with the flow...

This is good advice.

One of Buddhas teachings was 'expect no reward for acts of charity'.

Perhaps this picture I took in India will put American poverty in perspective. This photo was taken in a very nice area, with expensive homes. But the poor simply live in mud huts on the vacant lots next door. This is where their kids play.

Rick Lee · Rick Lee's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by HardDrive

Perhaps this picture I took in India will put American poverty in perspective. This photo was taken in a very nice area, with expensive homes. But the poor simply live in mud huts on the vacant lots next door. This is where their kids play.

And that photo isn't even scratching the surface of the poverty that's common in India. At least those kids in that photo don't know they're poor. I've seen some heart-wrenching, horribly maimed beggars in other countries, folks who would get rich panhandling in the U.S. Worse yet, some of those kids are kidnapped and maimed by their kidnappers to make them more pitiful beggars. There is a lot of suffering out there and not too much in the U.S.

therotman · 01-30-2009, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HardDrive

This is good advice.

One of Buddhas teachings was 'expect no reward for acts of charity'.

Perhaps this picture I took in India will put American poverty in perspective. This photo was taken in a very nice area, with expensive homes. But the poor simply live in mud huts on the vacant lots next door. This is where their kids play.

Looks like parts of LA

Except the kids would all have Nike's on and big TV's at home.

911boost · 911boost's Garage

I still have a 36 inch Sony Wega old school tv. All my friends have fancy tv's, its just not high on my priority list.

We also adopted a family over Christmas, as we have over the past few years.

I did Habitat for Humanity every summer I was in College for a week through my Church group, and am thinking about finding a local house this summer to help with.

Bill

Moses · 01-30-2009, 09:41 AM

The "U.S." version of poverty includes cable TV, fresh water, indoor plumbing and obesity. We haven't had real poverty in the U.S. since the 1930's.

Here's what poverty looks like:

m21sniper · 01-30-2009, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wayne at Pelican Parts

This unfortunately, has been bothering me for quite some time. My wife and I have started a tradition at the holiday time. Each Christmas, we work with the local Regional Center and "adopt a needy family" for Christmas. We've tailored it to our own family in adopting a family that has a Down Syndrome child (like our daughter). Last year was the first year we did this, and I assumed it would be a good experience for my kids, especially my older son, to be exposed to this and to instill good values, etc. We typically go buy presents and have our family bring them over to the "needy" family. This year, the family wanted a computer, so we packed up one of the semi-old ones from Pelican and brought it over.

Okay, fine so far. So, he trouble is, now for the 2nd year in a row, both of these families have had bigger TVs than we have in our house. I don't mean 27" TVs, but like 52" projections and/or flatscreens that would kill or injure you if they fell on you. I just cannot let this go. In fact, I joked with my wife this year (before we went there), to tell the Regional Center that we wanted someone with a smaller TV than ours. That did not happen.

I mean, jeepers, how needy can you be with a huge freaking TV (and probably premium cable, etc.) sitting right in your living room. I understand that appearances may not be what they seem (maybe it was a gift or a used model bought at a garage sale?), but really - I feel very disappointed and quite dejected. I also feel that the lesson for my kids was less than clear given the circumstances.

I told my wife I'm not sure if we want to continue doing this next year. At the very least, we'll have to reach down lower on the economic scale to a family that is truly in need of our help.

Thoughts?

-Wayne

For all you know the charitable guy before you brought over the TV(maybe that's what they asked for last year).

Mad Mike · 01-30-2009, 09:47 AM

Wayne,

I am on the receiving end of the adoption this year. Due to Spencer, we had a local family adopt us for Christmas and the future moving forward. They have already came in for a visit to the hospital last week. I can say we were super touched by their generosity and giving. As well as their sincere interest in Spencer and his journey through cancer treatments. We have a nice house, a Porsche in the garage...we are OK. They make the comment multiple times how doing this for Spencer and us made THEIR Christmas.

It also has inspired us to adopt a family with cancer and going through treatment for next year and moving forward. There is a ton of satisfaction in doing this for a family that has their life turned upside down. We appreciated it tremendously and only can hope the family we adopt next year will feel the same.

Sorry the feeling wasn't there for you. Hope you find a family you can connect with and stay in contact forever.

Cheers,

Mike

m21sniper · 10:54 AM

In reading this thread some of you have ridiculous notions of what poor people should be like.

Do you really expect them to be sitting shoeless in an empty apartment with a 13" black and white TV? Their kids want things just like yours do, they go out and get them for them just like you do.

The REAL difference between a poor person and a rich person in America is the savings account and the brand names we buy. That 53" magnavox costs less than your 35" Pioneer, so don't be shocked if their TV is bigger than yours. They simply maximized their bang for their buck on size instead of quality.

HardDrive · 01-30-2009, 09:51 AM

I don't take pictures of the slums, but yes, outside Delhi and Bombay, there are astonishing shanty towns that stretch as far as the eye can see. Millions and millions. The desperation is so great.

You stop along the highway at night, and you realize there are people sleeping in the ditches, with massive, poorly tuned diesel trucks rolling by.

Going to a developing country will change how you think about the world. It sure did for me.

m21sniper · 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mad Mike

Wayne,

I am on the receiving end of the adoption this year. Due to Spencer, we had a local family adopt us for Christmas and the future moving forward. They have already came in for a visit to the hospital last week. I can say we were super touched by their generosity and giving. As well as their sincere interest in Spencer and his journey through cancer treatments. We have a nice house, a Porsche in the garage...we are OK. They make the comment multiple times how doing this for Spencer and us made THEIR Christmas.

It also has inspired us to adopt a family with cancer and going through treatment for next year and moving forward. There is a ton of satisfaction in doing this for a family that has their life turned upside down. We appreciated it tremendously and only can hope the family we adopt next year will feel the same.

Sorry the feeling wasn't there for you. Hope you find a family you can connect with and stay in contact forever.

Cheers,

Mike

THey're probably saying on some other board, "We went over there and the effin' guy had a Porsche!"

It's all about perception.

Seahawk · 01-30-2009, 09:53 AM

Tough subject, this...who is "worthy" of our help. I don't mean that in a sarcastic way at all. There are those that play the margins of our sympathies and desire to help, so I understand the frustration.

Over the years, after getting much the same results as Wayne, I have developed a few litmus tests to focus my charitable efforts on the truly needy (as I see it):

- No gifts of any kind other than necessities such as food, wood for a fire, or clothing if you don't know them in advance. Once you get a sense of the individual or family, that can change.

- Many have mentioned it on the thread, but on of the best gifts is time: Years ago we took a disadvantaged family to dinner and a movie...we had met them before and we all liked each other so it was natural and not uncomfortable. Moose, the Dad, offered to come help me with some farm stuff and we agreed. We all had a ball.

Funny thing with spending time not money: giving folks things or money is less valuable than our time. And everybody knows it.

Interesting side note on Moose. He was disabled in an accident and once he got back on his feet (literally) he got work as a tow truck driver and did well. He got offered a job in Michigan and needed a car (more on cars later) reliable enough to get his family there. I gave him a 1976 320i that I was commuting in, dead reliable and worth about $400.00 bucks. Best thing I ever did. Still get a Christmas cards from the Moose's. I've got many Moose stories, some of them not flattering.

- Help with cars. I became very adept at helping fix old Monte Carlos and other assorted Detroit iron. Sounds like I'm profiling but we did the work and I did the math

Mobility is life so I insisted that whoever owned the car was going to get greasy.

- Volunteer. The time thing again. I do the Habitat thing once a month because I like it and I get a sense of the health of my community. That is how I met Moose.

- Old folks. Great post(s) earlier. When my wife's Grandfather was in an assisted care facility years ago, my whole focus shifted. I took the kids there every Sunday and spent at least two hours with Grandpa Jack and his circle of friends. The three Thanksgivings we celebrated when he was there were great because any of his buddies that didn't have a place to go came here. Nothing like five old farts telling stories...

- Animals. Great post(s) earlier. My Mom was the head of the local SPCA when I was in high school and college. There is no greater calling or more noble work. It is not for the feint of heart or for me. I couldn't do it.

- Once you retire. Best guy I know, a retired Navy O-6, Vietnam helo pilot, medals and ribbons you can't believe, my old XO and CO when I was doing flight test at Patuxent River, did it right, walked the "I just want to give back" walk:

He started 'Healthy Connections' from scratch after he retired. Read about HC and my buddy Bob Young here: http://www.healthy-connections.org/index.php

Amazing man who could flat our rock in a helo...I learned a lot from him.

Sorry to be so preachy, but volunteering, giving, is when we are at our best.

HardDrive · 01-30-2009, 09:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Do you really expect them to be sitting shoeless in an empty apartment with a 13" black and white TV? Their kids want things just like yours do, they go out and get them for them just like you do.

The REAL difference between a poor person and a rich person in America is the savings account and the brand names we buy. That 53" magnavox costs less than your 35" Pioneer, so don't be shocked if their TV is bigger than yours. They simply maximized their bang for their bug on size instead of quality.

Those people aren't poor.

T77911S · 01-30-2009, 10:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

In reading this thread some of you have ridiculous notions of what poor people should be like.

Do you really expect them to be sitting shoeless in an empty apartment with a 13" black and white TV? Their kids want things just like yours do, they go out and get them for them just like you do.

The REAL difference between a poor person and a rich person in America is the savings account and the brand names we buy. That 53" magnavox costs less than your 35" Pioneer, so don't be shocked if their TV is bigger than yours. They simply maximized their bang for their bug on size instead of quality.

i dont know what to say! your amazing!

nice story mike, hope all is well. my sister died from cancer at 13.

wayne, keep looking, find someone that WANTS the help, and not looking for a handout.

DARISC · 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

In reading this thread some of you have ridiculous notions of what poor people should be like....

I basically agree with what you say. There is much to consider in addition to what one first visually percieves and often, that which ought to be considered isn't readily available to do so. In Wayne's example, I can't judge the people without more information.

If I imagine a scenario within which I'm an honest, hard working father supporting my family to the best of my ability and no matter that I'm doing the very best I can, we are living at or below the poverty level and my wife and kids have no more than the bare essentials and the prospects of that situation changing for the better are slim to none, I would be torn with sadness and maybe not think it unreasonable to somehow scrape together enough to buy the family a really super TV for my kids to have as at least one luxury item of their own, which would allow them to at least experience vicariously through that window to the world, some of life's goodness that I just can't afford to give them.

Maybe Wayne's family fits that scenario, maybe not. I don't know.

tabs · 01-30-2009, 10:50 AM

Hey Wayne I understand your pain....as a needy family what size TV do you need? I am sure some of the better to do Pelicans can chip in and buy you a big screen so that will lift your self esteem. At least to the level of those poor people who have more advantage then you do now....