Yes, I seldom go over to the dark side any more (PARF). I think getting too involved with trying to fix what is essentially beyond our immediate reach is tiring. And I need all the energy I can muster. ;)

Isn't it funny how that stuff hits you? We had a lot of coverage over the recent Alabama shooting spree because one of the women was from the Wichita area, she and her 1-year old were killed, her baby was shot, and her 4-year old son witnessed it. Her husband is a cop, and when they interviewed him I almost lost it.

A short time back I was on a business trip to CA, while waiting at the airport I watched a tearful wife and son say goodbye to the husband/dad going off to war. The son was the same age as mine, I was choking back tears at the airport.

Sometimes you just need a little reminder how good life really is, it's easy to take things for granted.

I feel deeply thankful for the things I have.

But I'm 39 and I hate it. I really, really hate it. I feel like I don't have a path. Its all just a random series of events. I have no career to speak of, but my finances are pretty solid. I have absolutely no clue what I am going to do between today and the day I get my pine box. And I don't like that feeling.

On the upside, I just came back from terrorizing my neighborhood on the Ducati, and it is a beautiful sunny day here in Seattle.

I hate watching people say goodbye in airports. Runs me right over.

:eek:

Markus:

As a medical doctor, you will leave behnid a legacy of healing others and protecting their health. There is no more noble cause or profession.

You were born with an uncommon aptitude for learning, but it no doubt took a great deal of hard work and persistance to earn your certification as a Pediatrician. By the grace of your intellect, hard work, and committment, you have positioned your self to have a profound effect on the lives of others.

Be thankful for the fact that your life and your career are of real value to this world. In the big picture, you are a lucky man in so many ways.

Keep up the good work.

Mike

Thanks Matt.

Markus:

As a child of divorce who was raised by a less than sane single mother, I often have feelings of WTF "is this all there is"? My path was not laid out before me, the solutions of nearly everyone in my family did not apply. As a professional engineer I cannot even relate to the blue-collar careers of my loved ones, and they have trouble relating to me. We rarely agree politically, socially, or even emotionally.

Is it confusing? You bet.
Would I have it any other way? Not on your life.

That said, you've got an intense career that most folks are just not fit to do. Its no surprise to me that it takes its toll on your mental well-being. If I could offer advice, it would be to exercise more, cycling has saved me time and time again from becoming overwhelmed.

Good lord Paul, you are an insightful SOB

As I see it, if you change one thing in your past, you change everything.

For example, you suffered, and almost certainly continue to suffer significant ordeals dealing with your ex. I have often thought that if my ex had never been born the world would be a better place, but am clearly mistaken, as my children could not exist if this were the case. Obviously you would not give up Hannah, that is utterly inconceivable, so you deal with the ex prn.

Everyone has doubts, even if they will not admit to it. You try to do what you think is right when you are doing it, best anyone can do. It is just a matter of priorities. I chose to miss a lot of my own children's childhood, in order to get an education so I would be in a position to help them with their education and establishing themselves. I think I did the right thing, but know that there was significant resentment on the part of my children about this.

Just remember, if you think maybe you need to give them antibiotics, you should.

Interesting thread.

I'm up late reading a lot. More times than not I try and figure out what I am doing. Sometimes it turns into, "This is it?" Other times I'm so happy I dont have time to think about much of anything.

I had a long term goal to finish grad school, establish a career and buy a house. Sadly, I havent found the next leg of the plan, yet.

Sailing season is almost here, Chris. Plans? What plans? :)

Markus I know exactly how you feel. I have spent the last 5 years or so trying to resolve the same issues. I find that things (cars and such) are a cheep replacement. I have my 2 kids and even though they are grown and basically on their own, they are my reason to go on. I find strength in them.
It has nothing to do with age, it is just the realization that not all is roses and that some of us will never be truly happy.

You been totin' on the doobies again Livi? :)

sometimes, but sometimes it's not a "lost" but rather a change in life.

yes

buy a motorcycle. Go for a long ride by yourself. Repeat as necessary. You'll figure it out...

That is when you need to go to "MARGARITAVILLE" friend.................

Make a list of everything that you are thankful and grateful for; I have a list like this and I update it twice a year; Jan 1 and Sept long weekend.

There is no emotion greater to JOY than appreciation. Start there.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit lost or down, I watch "Pele the Conquerer" and become so thankful that I don't live in a God-forsaken place like Sweden that I feel great for a month.

Hope that helps.

livi:

Doctors Without Borders.