Do You Sometimes Feel You Have Lost Your Way?
 

Many of us are in or around our forties. Preoccupied with kids, careers, spouses and a variety of other activities. Days go by. Weeks, months, years. Struggling to make it all work in a reasonable harmony. All these activities and responsibilities occupying the mind during the days.

Do you sometimes stop in your tracks to contemplate on your own personal life expectancies, hopes and dreams? Who am I? Where am I and even why am I?

Did life turn out the way you hoped for or is there a nagging feeling that you are missing out on something? That all the responsibilities have dragged you in direction that isn´t really you? Do you sometimes feel your life, at its core, is rather empty.

Not sure what I am looking for with this post. Perhaps recognition. Or maybe I am just sounding like 2 1/2 men in the episode where they are looking to buy a shirt that pretty much says " I am pushing forty and I can´t handle it".

Thanks for letting me whine a bit.

Sometimes you just have to let yourself wander in a daze for a while. Only change the things you can and accept the things you cant.

Markus, here's the answer to all your questions..."No brains, no headaches." Works for me. :)

Almost every day. Literally.

My life has so far not at all turned out the way I hoped for, and that's a good thing - I think I would've been much less happy if it did. I wouldn't have had kids, for one thing.

This I have felt, and it bugs me when I do, but sometimes you just have to shrug it off and realize that with the great things in life comes a price tag, and that's responsibility. Sometimes they do seem to pile up, though, and it can be difficult to see through that pile of ***** to do, pay for, fix, etc.

No. never, and I don't think you really do, either. Sometimes I feel the opposite - that the core is so full sometimes I have to remind myself to enjoy some of the more fun and frivolous aspects of life, for example spending a lot of time at work, writing music, with the family and just saying, ok, it's time for a track day!

It sounds to me more like you feel like you're stuck in a rut. Think of it this way, you've got a great job, great kids, and a great hobby - your "core" is pretty full. Maybe you need to take some time away from work and appreciate the spoils it provides for you. Take the kids on a vacation, something like that. Make it a twice-yearly thing. Something to provide a drastic shift of environment.

Like John Lennon said ......... "life is what happens while you are busy making plans".

you just need to drink more.

Someone needs to fluff the fluffer.








Tim

Silly answers. I guess it's a question more than one could use an answer. ;)

Here's my take and my shortcoming. Life needs to be punctuated by events. Day in and day out hum drum all blends into oblivion. The best times and the times that did not fly by are the times I traveled to race. If I did that even twice a year, it was a memorable year.

I think one has to get out on the go and accomplish something while away. I'd say it would be best if it was different than anything related to your work. Hobbies OK.

+1

Markus-

Life is a path of decisions, like forks in the road. We are forced to choose, even though sometimes you don't see it as a choice.

When we are very young, choosing a wrong path and starting over has little cost.
When we are in our early twenties it might sting, and we might lose ground, but we can 'do-over' and recover.
When we are in our mid to late twenties most of us have 'committed' to a path (career, spouse, home, children, etc) but it is still new and exciting.
When we are in our early thirties, we see some of the mistakes in our chosen path(s) and still believe we can correct them.
When we are in our later thirties, we fret about what might have been had we chosen a different path.
When we are in our forties, we accept our path and make the best of it.
Accepting it leads to happiness from enjoying what you have rather than worrying about what you don't.

It is worse for Americans that have grown up believing that they can acheive anything they set their minds to. There is always another goal, always something better, the grass is always greener. But that truly gets in the way of enjoying what you have now.

I struggle with it everyday.

E

+2. Except when you go for a walk and get lost. Then you have the same problem.:cool:

My life turned out better than I could have possibly hoped for, warts and all.

When I retired from the Navy, I accepted a very senior government job with the Army, as a SES. The work was good but I had to live in DC during the week because the commute was intolerable and the days long.

About two months into the job my son and I were working on the farm together, laughing about something. He turned to me and said, "I wish you were home more."

I put in my one month notice that Monday...my son was right and I knew he was right. Listen to those around you, pay more attention than I did. The core of a person is often a sum of people, and they can help with the orienteering:)

All the best.

kaisen said just about what I would say.

I'll be 42 at the end of April and I'm ok with my life and the choices I have made.

While the most recent months have been quite challenging, they will become the days we talk about down the road. Just like other major events in my life.

I've been in a heavy metal band, saw and met lots of different people, both good and bad. Been married and divorced once.

If there were one decision I could re-do without giving up my family, it would be to join the service or go to college. I graduated HS and was playing in the band with hopes to make drumming my life. That didn't happen.

I have days that I am pissed off at the world and usually something will happen that makes me realise that I really do have it pretty good. I have a job, a great wife, 2 kids that love me no matter what, our cars are paid for and there is a freakin' 911 in the garage. I have no reason to be bitter.

We have had several toddlers killed by fire in the area the past couple of weeks. One was in a car accident that his Mom tried to get him out of the car but could not get the car seat out and he perished. He looked alot like my son.:( I cried when I heard the news report.

Last weekend 2 young children were killed in a house fire, again the parents tried in vain to get to them.


These types of stories wake my dumba$$ up and remind of what I have.


I think there is saying that goes, be thankful for what you have, not for what you don't or something like that.

I've done a lot of things that have led to hardship or other missed opportunities. But I don't regret any of them. My career has certainly suffered because of a lot of my decisions. But if I had them to do over again, I can't think of any I'd do differently. No one lays on their deathbed wishing they had spent more time making their employer rich. I may lay there wishing I had made more money so that I'd have not spent so many years worrying about money. But I'd much rather die wishing I'd made more money than wishing I'd had some of the great experiences I've already had.

Most of us blame for our lack of great experiences due to our lack of money. They don't necessarily go hand-in-hand, but money does open the door for those opportunities.

The death-bed wishes are rarely 'money accumulated', but sometimes 'money spent on great experiences'

Money is just the means. Learning to love what is free, is priceless.

It's called a MID-LIFE CRISIS,

and it's usually the point where most men decide

it's time

to buy

a PORSCHE.


:D:D:D


Sorry, Markus. I don't have any 'real' answers. I feel like I've lost my way every few hours. then a few hours later I feel like my life couldn't possibly be any better.

well jumping of your turntable can hurt...
your music may be written..
but Markus..those little ladies of yours,
the lives you have saved /or changed for the better...
don't fret so much..
awesome lyrics so far...

Rika

A long boring story - but my ex-fiance is going for another major operation today. She has not been well for years and has been through everything modern medicine can throw at her.

We were sweethearts as kids, then many years went by and we finally got together as adults. Her situation happened very quickly and all our plans went out the window. Every one. It has been a long hard fight - and when she thought she was better - she was just sick of being sick and sick of me too (for good reason), but we are still close..

Anyway, she is only alive now because she has kept raising her son, who was only a kid then, but really a man now. That responsibility has paid off - because he has grown up to be a wonderful person with a bright future. He makes the world a better place, just by being in it. No matter how bad things are now - she has found happiness and profound meaning to her life by raising him.

So yes, we are all missing out on something, and we all get dragged into all kinds of places we would rather not be - but it is not empty. To much joy and heartbreak and everything else good and bad to be empty.

Anyway, Livi - Man, you see more stuff than the next dozen of us combined. Just stick to the path, one day at a time..

Hey Markus, thanks for your post; great questions and I do think of these things often myself. I dont know you that well, but for what I do I can sense your a man of great humour, you like to enjoy life and maybe your career is burdening you down too much lately?

Two things for me pop out after reading this thread:
1. I am so very blessed to have met and married my wife that I could never feel unsuccessful, having her as my life partner is truly an over-accomplishment for me. I married up as they say.
2. Grandpa and I would have long talks and he told me his secret was "always having something to look forward to"; so along the lines of what Milt posted, create milestones in your life; I agree with that.

I look back and think about my childhood and the things that stick out the most are the things that had repitition; Grandparents took me to the lake every summer was a big one. The one time shot events seem to have less long term affect. From this advise our family likes to plan things in advance, we spend the time savouring the events because bingo, bango, bongo they come and go too fast. We planned a trip to Florida for over a year and we all got so much enjoyment out of it.

The last time I had feelings as you descibe I can honestly say were because I'd gotten away from my own priorities in life..... allowed myself to be distracted and lost focus on what was truly important in my life. Today, I dont let that happen; I'm a big family guy and it shows in my calendar.

Hope this helps? Make some plans to create a milestone this year!
Cheers pal,

Markus, is there anyway you can get away for more than just a short vacation to refresh? I was laid off last fall, but I was ready to go...classic burnout after 25 years of the SOS (IT in corporate america). I don't know what I'll do next, but have been spending time working on my house(s), etc. My .02 worth, lacking money can be a real downer, but money doesn't buy happiness either...once your basic needs are taken care of, you're either happy or you're not...money doesn't change that. You've got a great career and you help children...you just need a break to get out of the "rut" you're in imo...be well and good luck!

ps: At least, take a vacation from PARF...I'm not typically "that political" in nature, and it's depressing these days :)

Yes, I seldom go over to the dark side any more (PARF). I think getting too involved with trying to fix what is essentially beyond our immediate reach is tiring. And I need all the energy I can muster. ;)

Isn't it funny how that stuff hits you? We had a lot of coverage over the recent Alabama shooting spree because one of the women was from the Wichita area, she and her 1-year old were killed, her baby was shot, and her 4-year old son witnessed it. Her husband is a cop, and when they interviewed him I almost lost it.

A short time back I was on a business trip to CA, while waiting at the airport I watched a tearful wife and son say goodbye to the husband/dad going off to war. The son was the same age as mine, I was choking back tears at the airport.

Sometimes you just need a little reminder how good life really is, it's easy to take things for granted.

I feel deeply thankful for the things I have.

But I'm 39 and I hate it. I really, really hate it. I feel like I don't have a path. Its all just a random series of events. I have no career to speak of, but my finances are pretty solid. I have absolutely no clue what I am going to do between today and the day I get my pine box. And I don't like that feeling.

On the upside, I just came back from terrorizing my neighborhood on the Ducati, and it is a beautiful sunny day here in Seattle.

I hate watching people say goodbye in airports. Runs me right over.

:eek:

Markus:

As a medical doctor, you will leave behnid a legacy of healing others and protecting their health. There is no more noble cause or profession.

You were born with an uncommon aptitude for learning, but it no doubt took a great deal of hard work and persistance to earn your certification as a Pediatrician. By the grace of your intellect, hard work, and committment, you have positioned your self to have a profound effect on the lives of others.

Be thankful for the fact that your life and your career are of real value to this world. In the big picture, you are a lucky man in so many ways.

Keep up the good work.

Mike

Thanks Matt.

Markus:

As a child of divorce who was raised by a less than sane single mother, I often have feelings of WTF "is this all there is"? My path was not laid out before me, the solutions of nearly everyone in my family did not apply. As a professional engineer I cannot even relate to the blue-collar careers of my loved ones, and they have trouble relating to me. We rarely agree politically, socially, or even emotionally.

Is it confusing? You bet.
Would I have it any other way? Not on your life.

That said, you've got an intense career that most folks are just not fit to do. Its no surprise to me that it takes its toll on your mental well-being. If I could offer advice, it would be to exercise more, cycling has saved me time and time again from becoming overwhelmed.

Good lord Paul, you are an insightful SOB

As I see it, if you change one thing in your past, you change everything.

For example, you suffered, and almost certainly continue to suffer significant ordeals dealing with your ex. I have often thought that if my ex had never been born the world would be a better place, but am clearly mistaken, as my children could not exist if this were the case. Obviously you would not give up Hannah, that is utterly inconceivable, so you deal with the ex prn.

Everyone has doubts, even if they will not admit to it. You try to do what you think is right when you are doing it, best anyone can do. It is just a matter of priorities. I chose to miss a lot of my own children's childhood, in order to get an education so I would be in a position to help them with their education and establishing themselves. I think I did the right thing, but know that there was significant resentment on the part of my children about this.

Just remember, if you think maybe you need to give them antibiotics, you should.

Interesting thread.

I'm up late reading a lot. More times than not I try and figure out what I am doing. Sometimes it turns into, "This is it?" Other times I'm so happy I dont have time to think about much of anything.

I had a long term goal to finish grad school, establish a career and buy a house. Sadly, I havent found the next leg of the plan, yet.

Sailing season is almost here, Chris. Plans? What plans? :)

Markus I know exactly how you feel. I have spent the last 5 years or so trying to resolve the same issues. I find that things (cars and such) are a cheep replacement. I have my 2 kids and even though they are grown and basically on their own, they are my reason to go on. I find strength in them.
It has nothing to do with age, it is just the realization that not all is roses and that some of us will never be truly happy.

You been totin' on the doobies again Livi? :)

sometimes, but sometimes it's not a "lost" but rather a change in life.

yes

buy a motorcycle. Go for a long ride by yourself. Repeat as necessary. You'll figure it out...

That is when you need to go to "MARGARITAVILLE" friend.................

Make a list of everything that you are thankful and grateful for; I have a list like this and I update it twice a year; Jan 1 and Sept long weekend.

There is no emotion greater to JOY than appreciation. Start there.

Whenever I'm feeling a bit lost or down, I watch "Pele the Conquerer" and become so thankful that I don't live in a God-forsaken place like Sweden that I feel great for a month.

Hope that helps.

livi:

Doctors Without Borders.