You Minor Daughter with an adult?

cgarr · cgarr's Garage

My 16 yo Daughter leaves School with her boyfriend without our permission, its a closed campus so they are not to leave during lunch anyway. He is 18 so he can excuse himself anytime. I know what I can do as a Father! but what as far as the law is concerned? I just shot it by a gal who used to work for the Sheriffs Dept and she said there is nothing that can be done, she is 16 Its hard for me to believe this.

And, no we don't live in Tennessee.

legion · 03-18-2009, 07:43 AM

How about grounding her on Friday and Saturday nights?

How about taking away the car for two weeks?

There's plenty you can do as a parent.

Edit: I guess I'm suggesting focusing on the transgression (leaving school without permission) and not who she is dating. Focusing on that will surely backfire. I would be sure to ask him why he thinks you should be okay with him taking your daughter away from her education should be tolerated....if she ever brings him by.

cgarr · cgarr's Garage

Oh I know what I am going to do! I just need something to put the fear into him if it ever happens again with my minor Daughter.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by cgarr

Oh I know what I am going to do! I just need something to put the fear into him if it ever happens again with my minor Daughter.

Invite him over while cleaning your guns.

You do have guns, don't you? If not, buy some...

cgarr · cgarr's Garage

Yes, they could use another good cleaning! I could cast some lead for the SW 629 also, I do have an unmarked extra barrel for it too!

creaturecat · 03-18-2009, 07:54 AM

We had a lurker outside our high school. 19 yrs old. Hitting on underage girls.
Buddy's dad, a hunter, grabbed him and told him he would gut shoot him if he ever saw him around the school again.
End of problem.

stomachmonkey · 03-18-2009, 08:09 AM

Who kids hang around with is always something you need to watch.

Reality is he did not kidnap your daughter, she obviously left of her own free will.

Our job as parents is not to isolate them from every potential bad influence but to teach them to make the correct choices.

She, for whatever reason, made the wrong choice.

Your focus should be correcting that.

The boyfriend is irrelevant. He will not be the last person in her life that will lead her astray.

Teach her not to be a follower.

Jim Richards · 03-18-2009, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nostatic

Invite him over while cleaning your guns.

You do have guns, don't you? If not, buy some...

+1. Also, watch John Candy in Uncle Buck, so you can hone your delivery of the fear-inspiring lines you're going to use on numbnuts.

rattlsnak · rattlsnak's Garage

Pics of your daughter??

well someone was going to say it..

legion · 03-18-2009, 08:12 AM

Ask him if he hunts.

Invite him quail hunting with you and your buddy Dick.

Dueller · 08:25 AM

I think you may be mixing the age of consent with the age of majority. If you are talking about when she can consent to sex with an adult, that train has left the station. Its 16 in Michigan and there is nothing you can do legally.

However, she is still a minor for whom you are the responsible guardian/parent. As far as school attendance, most states have mandatory attendance laws until age 17. She has violated school rules so they (as well as you) can still punish her. If the problems with the young man are serious enough, (i.e., providing alcohol, drugs, assisting running away, etc.) you might be able to charge him with contributing to the delinquency of a minor depending on state laws re: when the age of majority is for purposes of charging him. In my state for example, the age of majority is 21 for most purposes and therefore an 18 y.o. facilitating bad behavior is just another minor and could not be charged with contrubuting.

If her behavior deteriorates you can go to the Youth Courts and have her dseclared delinquent and get her into the state system for reform....but skipping campus a time or two ain't gonna cut it in most cases. She has to be pretty much out of control before they will get involved.

Welcome to my world...be prepared for it to get worse with her attempting to establish her independence. But most come to their senses somewhat as they approach 20.

As far as confronting the boy, in all likelihood he knows (or thinks he knows) there's not much you can do legally. Be careful not to make yourself their shared nemisis so that they form an alliance against you....a very romantic bond between them in their distorted little minds.

You might talk to him about lack of respect for your rules for dtr which in your mind translates into lack of respect for her. Or you could threaten to whip his azz if it happens again and since he is over 18 he ain't a minor for charging you with assault. But he probably thinks he could take you in a fist fight

The old gun cleaning anecdotes are whimsical fantasies.

We had a similar issue with one of the twins who at 15 fell for a 19 y.o. college freshman. I met with the kid and told him he needed to be careful as 16 was AOC, what would happen if he decided to break up with her and she decided to press charges to get back at him. He said "we aren't having sex" to which I responded Ya'll have kissed right?" He said yeah...I said " Well, that's gratification of lust with a minor which carries up to a 10 year senrtence." That made him think a bit. But I said fine...you want to date her? O.K., but any dates had to be HS functions, not college functions. Relationship fizzled about three weeks after that discussion.

Good luck.

Tishabet · 03-18-2009, 08:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Who kids hang around with is always something you need to watch.

Reality is he did not kidnap your daughter, she obviously left of her own free will.

Our job as parents is not to isolate them from every potential bad influence but to teach them to make the correct choices.

She, for whatever reason, made the wrong choice.

Your focus should be correcting that.

The boyfriend is irrelevant. He will not be the last person in her life that will lead her astray.

Teach her not to be a follower.

Excellent advice here, IMHO. "The law" is of tertiary importance.

onewhippedpuppy · 03-18-2009, 08:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Who kids hang around with is always something you need to watch.

Reality is he did not kidnap your daughter, she obviously left of her own free will.

Our job as parents is not to isolate them from every potential bad influence but to teach them to make the correct choices.

She, for whatever reason, made the wrong choice.

Your focus should be correcting that.

The boyfriend is irrelevant. He will not be the last person in her life that will lead her astray.

Teach her not to be a follower.

Amen to that. You probably have plenty of leverage over her, make sure she regrets her mistake. She CHOSE to left school, don't push the blame off on her boyfriend. Then threaten to whip his ass.

Hugh R · 03-18-2009, 08:25 AM

When my daughter was 16, I just tell the boys that I have 18 acres, a shovel and a bag of lime.

legion · 03-18-2009, 08:30 AM

On the other side of things...

When I was 17 I kept dating a girl for two years because her mother hated me. I'd probably have gotten bored and broken up with her after a few months otherwise.

Dueller · 03-18-2009, 08:40 AM

Wow! I just made a cursory look at MI law. You can't charge contributing once the child is 17.

Arizona_928 · 03-18-2009, 08:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nostatic

Invite him over while cleaning your guns.

You do have guns, don't you? If not, buy some...

couldn't said it better.

Gogar · 03-18-2009, 08:49 AM

if she left the school without permission, have the school take appropriate action.

As far as her being with an 18-year old boy, well.....

I think if you call the Sheriff and tell them your 16 year old daughter skipped school and went to lunch with her 18 year-old boyfriend and you want them take action, they're going to tell you to get a grip.

You can discipline her for leaving school, don't discipline her for her choice of boyfriend. That isn't going to work for ya.

Dueller · 03-18-2009, 08:52 AM

When my stepdtrs turned 16 I sat them down and explained the laws of the state no longer were available to protect them. But I damn sure would continue to do so.

Went in one ear and out the other, if I hadda gues.

Kids are growing up. Not a whole lot you can do if they choose to defy you other than cut of $$$$, privileges, etc. And if you're stepdad, like me, there is nothing you can do but let mom deal with them.

Dueller · 03-18-2009, 08:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gogar

if she left the school without permission, have the school take appropriate action.

As far as her being with an 18-year old boy, well.....

I think if you call the Sheriff and tell them your 16 year old daughter skipped school and went to lunch with her 18 year-old boyfriend and you want them take action, they're going to tell you to get a grip.

You can discipline her for leaving school, don't discipline her for her choice of boyfriend. That isn't going to work for ya.

That pretty much nails it.