Just found out my Dad has colon cancer

[126coupe]

My Dad is 81 years old with many health problems. 7 stints, bladder cancer, high blood pressure. He also has to have a 10-16 hour surgery to remove this gelatinous growth in his abdominal cavity, the growth is 25 pounds. He had it removed 5 years ago and it grew back. Its some kind of rare condition that pinches off his large intestine and prevents him from going #2. Now Colon cancer.

He won't tell any family members what's going on, I have to find out from his close friend and family lawyer the facts, weird?

You doctors out there, what is the chance of a man in his 80"s surviving an intense surgery like this? Apparently when they are in there the plan is to try and kill the colon cancer with chemo injections, (some new procedure).

The entire family wishes he would talk about it. He is old school and thinks its a sign of weakness to discuss his health issues, he does not even tell my Mom, his wife much.

[Dueller]

So sorry to hear that, 'shifter. Thoughts are with your dad and family.

[crustychief]

My thoughts are with you and your family.

[scottmandue]

So sorry, my prayers go out to you and your family...

On a positive note my mom is now 84 and still doing well... had colon cancer several years ago and had a complete recovery... since then has had a shoulder and a hip replacement... planing another hip replacement.

[Evans, Marv]

Best of luck to you, your dad & family. My dad died of colon cancer at 72, but that was just the start. It spread to his liver and brain before & after they operated on the colon. In fact they informed him of the liver cancer after the operation by telling him they looked at his liver while in there and saw a bunch of spots on it. The horrible thing was when it had spread to his brain, they told him & my mother he would live another 6 months if they operated. So they agreed, they operated on his brain to take out the tumor, and he lived 6 weeks like a vegetable and died. But they made 250K off of the operation. Don't let that kind of thing happen to your dad if you can prevent it.

So sorry to hear that. Wish I had some advice, but I don't, so I'll just send good wishes.

[Rikao4]

my Mom beat it (colon)
respect his wishes..
whatever they may be..
make sure your 'right' with him..

Rika

[Rot 911]

Man, I don't know what to say, so I will just send good thoughts your way.

[motion]

Dad sounds like a tough old coot. Part of the old generation that keeps it in and toughs it out. Best of luck & stay strong.

[Buckterrier]

Originally Posted by Evans, Marv

Best of luck to you, your dad & family. My dad died of colon cancer at 72, but that was just the start. It spread to his liver and brain before & after they operated on the colon. In fact they informed him of the liver cancer after the operation by telling him they looked at his liver while in there and saw a bunch of spots on it. The horrible thing was when it had spread to his brain, they told him & my mother he would live another 6 months if they operated. So they agreed, they operated on his brain to take out the tumor, and he lived 6 weeks like a vegetable and died. But they made 250K off of the operation. Don't let that kind of thing happen to your dad if you can prevent it.

First my positive thoughts to 126coupe and his family.

This post makes me sick to my F'ing stomach. Something very similar happened to my father this past fall.

[pwd72s]

Originally Posted by Rikao4

my Mom beat it (colon)
respect his wishes..
whatever they may be..
make sure your 'right' with him..

Rika

Couldn't agree more. Best wishes through a damned tough period of life.

[Tobra]

depends on how the pump is, 7 stents later maybe not so good

the daughter got a job though

[lisa_spyder]

Originally Posted by 126coupe

My Dad is 81 years old with many health problems. 7 stints, bladder cancer, high blood pressure. He also has to have a 10-16 hour surgery to remove this gelatinous growth in his abdominal cavity, the growth is 25 pounds. He had it removed 5 years ago and it grew back. Its some kind of rare condition that pinches off his large intestine and prevents him from going #2. Now Colon cancer.

He won't tell any family members what's going on, I have to find out from his close friend and family lawyer the facts, weird?

You doctors out there, what is the chance of a man in his 80"s surviving an intense surgery like this? Apparently when they are in there the plan is to try and kill the colon cancer with chemo injections, (some new procedure).

The entire family wishes he would talk about it. He is old school and thinks its a sign of weakness to discuss his health issues, he does not even tell my Mom, his wife much.

I can empathise....but please don't be too harsh on your Dad for not telling you what is going on. He has obviously been through so much already with his health; that maybe he just can't sit you all down and talk with you about this.

I really don't want to upset you further; but I can't explain why I think your Dad is behaving like this without recounting my own experience...

I lost my Dad to colon cancer when he was only 71...after he had many other health issues; all of which he had beaten. He was TOUGH...and I still cannot believe he could succumb to this insidious cancer 7 years ago...

He never really wanted to sit Mum and I down to tell us exactly how dire the situation was...long story, but Mum and I had 4 days to ready ourselves for the inevitable. 4 days before he passed his specialist spent an hour with Mum and I with Dad's blessing and took us through the journey...I could have been SO ANGRY with him for this...Mum could have been totally incensed as well and we could have gone through a lot of energy being mad and feeling cheated by him...but we didn't. At no stage did either of us feel he had done the wrong thing by not keeping us totally in the loop...we just loved him all the more for trying to deal with all this the best way he thought how. He knew us both so well...and he knew particularly for me how I would have reacted....I would not have left his side; night or day. This would not have helped as he relied on me to keep everything together for all of us. He made a judgment call and I respect that call to this day. It was his life after all...

Maybe all you can do at this point is to give your Dad a big hug and a big kiss and let him know you are there for him...let him know you are willing to listen should he want to talk...

Just remember; none of us can walk a mile in another man's shoes...try not to judge him even though you are hurting so much...and be a rock for your Mum as no doubt she is being the rock for your Dad...she needs your support and strength now.

[RKC]

I hope & trust that your father does well, and comes through this with flying colors. But make no mistake, tough times are ahead either way. What to do to beat the cancer will be pretty clear. But if that proves impossible....

My father-in-law died of colon cancer at age 69 five years ago. He was from that same generation that didn't talk about such things. He ignored the symptoms for months, and was finally diagnosed as stage IV. He was a good man, and we were close, and when he wouldn't talk to his kids, I went for a drive with him and asked him straight out what was going on. He told me (the son-in-law) about his cancer first and in detail, and later put me in charge of his finances. There were reasons for this (family squabbles), but part of it is that one sees one's own children very tenderly - even when grown - and it is hard to tell those who once fully depended on you that you will no longer be there to depend on.

They tried surgery, but when the opened him up the tumors were large and everywhere, and nothing could be done. He lasted 18 months.

In those 18 months he showed us letters he had written to his girlfriend (later wife) from Europe when he was in the Army, and we spent significant time with him, learning about his past, his adventures, his favorite memories, etc. This was a poignant and beautiful time. The last 6 months were tough and terrible and depressing, and took away much of that beauty - but not all of it.

Having lost one friend suddenly to a heart attack, and another to suicide, I think that the extended period we had to say goodbye was a better way to go. We learned things and felt things and shared things that would have gone unsaid otherwise.

If you dad beats the cancer, more power to you both. But if the diagnosis is negative, use the time wisely and well. The end may be awful, but those precious weeks and months before the end will keep him alive in a way you cannot yet conceive....

[artplumber]

Sorry to hear the news. Similar situation for me, but our family is pretty stubborn about getting what we want.

Try just offering to go with him to an appiontment.. He doesn't have to tell you anything and you can hear for yourself what is going on from the docs. It's entirely possible he doesn't know what is happening/planned himself.