Funny story from local small paper

[David]

This article's from The Sea Breeze, a small local paper from a bay community south of Houston. They're known for good fictional stories, but this one's real

The guy used to work for our company which makes it funnier if you know the guy, but hopefully you'll still find it amusing:

Local Man Injured While Shooting Compound Bow

A San Leon man was recently visiting in Jewett, Texas, at a farm. He was watching two men practice with a compound bow with deer season just around the comer. The San Leon man had been drinking all day long. He had been pouring down Busch Tall Boys and doing shots of tequila until he had trouble sitting on a stump. He then decided that he wanted to shoot this compound bow. The others tried to talk him out of it because of his alcohol induced delicate condition but he would have none of it. He was dressed only in a pair of gym shorts, no underwear, and that was all. He grabbed the bow while sitting down, notched an arrow and pulled back. As he had the bottom part of the bow with the cam sitting in his lap, his testicles got wrapped up in the cam. He had the bow pulled back and was screaming like a girl, but he was locked in. He couldn't stand up, he couldn't let go of the bow string - because he knew what was going to happen. We all told him there was only one thing he could do and that was to let go. But, in doing so he knew what would happen next. All of his "junk" that wrapped up in that cam, which was now stretched out to be about eighteen inches long, was going to unwrap at about 500 feet per second. As his arm was giving out, tears were running down his face. Tears were also running down our faces as we were laughing hysterically. The more he whined and cried, the funnier it was. We finally all counted to three and he let it go. You could hear him scream all the way to the county court house. Now, you folks would think that his privates would turn black and blue, but that was not the case. They turned an amazing green and yellow. It looked a lot like a brightly colored parrot with a badly damaged beak. I promised my buddy that I would not use his name, however, I will say that his initials are Robbie Akes. (Steve)

[rouxroux]

OOoooooowwww!

[masraum]

Hilarious!

"Watch this! Here, hold my beer. Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh...."

[p930man]

We had a very good oil field just off of San Leon called Eagle Point Field. The kind of Folks
you find there are beyond belief. I totally believe this story!!!!

[widgeon13]

That's painful just visualizing.

[cgarr]

This made me think of my all time favorite: (2004)


Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome, Everitt Sanchez tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course. Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez managed to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain, collapsed and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the washer, and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke a new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery, and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course.

[widgeon13]

Is that how the USGA really defines a lost ball??

[herr_oberst]

So, the moral of the story, if you are planning to get really hammered and then shoot compound bows, be sure to wear underwear.

[KarlCarrera]

Man, you guys are on a roll. First the dogfight to visualize and enjoy, now the "bow" story. The correlation to a parrot and damaged beak....whew!

Karl
88 Targa

[David]

I wish I still had the old copy of The Sea Breeze that had an ad for Robbie Akes Helicoptor Tours with a picture of Robbie standing next to a helicopter with a bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand. That one was fictional.

[Danimal16]

Yoweeeee!