Funny big girl stories, what's your story

[s_morrison57]

Has it happened to you? something funny?
WE arrived a week late to camp and the cook , Annie put on a big spread , big roast , all the fixin's , wine glasses , the works , she was a big girl maybe 350 lbs but it could have been closer to 400, she could not do up the seat belt in the chopper and the pilot said he had to Fly on an angle to counter balance her wieght. Its the Geoligists on 1 side of the table , us and the chopper crew on our bench on our side and we had a big wine toast to a good job to come and we sat down on our bench and started to dish up this huge feast, Annie sits down just as we finish dishing and are ready to eat, as soon as her butt hits the bench it collapses, a few of us grab the table and cloth and pull the whole meal down on top of us , we were covered in lobster , gravey , broccilli, wine - you name it we were wearing it NO ONE SAID A THING our biggest concern was for Annie cause she dropped 20" on her tail bone , we helped her up, dripping food and she lit into the camp carpenter like a Marine Sgt. with a foul mouth - that in it's self was classic, she ripped a strip off this guy wider than the Mississippi. We politley excused ourselves so we could change our clothes and when we got to our tent we laughed so hard we had tears and sore stomaches. I guess you had to be there,and we loved Annie , for the 6 weeks we were there she treated us like we were her kids , we ended up calling her mom, and she could cook. and for the next 6 weeks she road shipshod on that poor carpenter. 15 years later we still laugh about it and Annie's looking at us from above and I know she's laughing too.

[M.D. Holloway]

You won't find better love than from a fat women!

[pwd72s]

Nice tribute...seriously! Our best memories of those who are gone are humorous ones...

[Oracle]

back in HS I was what 5'1"? and maybe 130 lbs and this big chick had a huge crush on me so she decided to lock me up in a room with her.. Nothing dirty happened she just wanted to talk but I didn't want my friends to find out I was in a room with her.. you know the looks about dating a fat chick (stupidly I must say) so I started by politely asking her to let me out when she said no then I tried to push her a little bit.. hm.. not an inch she moved then I tried harder and harder, at some point that was a full wrestle contest with my friends looking how I was tossed from side to side, the "talk" ended at some point with me begging her to let me out and to get off me (probably with a tear in my eyes). Not good for my morale and my cool looks..

20 years later.. I grew and she too.. HOLY MOLY!! (I would still beg her to get off me if she ever decides to try that move on me again)

[slodave]

I was river rafting many years ago and almost drowned....

We were supposed to hit a rapid on the side, as it was to dangerous to hit the middle this time of year. Well, we tried to paddle to the right, but a nice wind was blowing us to the left and straight into the rapid. Some of us fell out of the raft - one lady was stuck in an eddy and her only option was some impromptu rock climbing. I fell into the raft - which had taken on a lot of water... Next thing I know, another lady (Not outright fat, but had a larger rear) fell on top of my face, forcing my head under the water that had collected in the raft. She did not realize that she was sitting on my face and did not get off promptly. I thought I was going to drown IN the raft because some lady's ass was on my face.

[Bill Douglas]

Geez SloDave that's a funny story.

[M.D. Holloway]

Originally Posted by slodave

... I thought I was going to drown some lady's ass was on my face.

man you just discribed my honeymoon

[Tass 928]

Originally Posted by slodave

I was river rafting many years ago and almost drowned....

We were supposed to hit a rapid on the side, as it was to dangerous to hit the middle this time of year. Well, we tried to paddle to the right, but a nice wind was blowing us to the left and straight into the rapid. Some of us fell out of the raft - one lady was stuck in an eddy and her only option was some impromptu rock climbing. I fell into the raft - which had taken on a lot of water... Next thing I know, another lady (Not outright fat, but had a larger rear) fell on top of my face, forcing my head under the water that had collected in the raft. She did not realize that she was sitting on my face and did not get off promptly. I thought I was going to drown IN the raft because some lady's ass was on my face.

DING DING !!!!

WINNER HERE !!

[Zef]

Man, this BBS is now at a level I would'nt ever imaginate....!

[slodave]

It's amazing what goes through your head in a situation like that. It happened so fast, that at first I couldn't figure out why I could not lift my head out of the water. Since it was sudden, I didn't get a chance to take a deep breath. The oxygen depleted, my brain started to panic and I also realized that this lady was sitting on my face. All of a sudden, I have this thought of my obituary.... "Dave drowned in a raft because some lady was sitting on his face." We all had a good laugh over the incident for the rest of the rafting trip.

Not a pleasant way to die, but it is a funny memory and story.

[Moses]

True story...

Years ago I was delivering the baby of an enormous woman. She was about a biscuit shy of 400 pounds. I tried to estimate the size of the baby using ultrasound but the sound waves would not penetrate her abdomen. I thought about borrowing a SONAR unit from the navy. I figured if they could map the ocean floor with a SONAR unit, I might be able to have a look at this baby. But I digress...

With a mighty grunt, this lady pushed out a toddler. The baby was 12 pounds! After a few moments, the woman started yelling at me; "Why didn't you TELL me the baby was so big?!" Without hesitation, the woman's husband responded; "Honey, you could have had a Volkswagen in there. How was the doc gonna know?"

[Laneco]

In my college days, had a buddy Shelly who was a little on the porky side... A group of 5 of us decided it would be GREAT fun to TP another friends house (Dan). Now Shelly had a wicked crush on Dan which made what happened even funnier.

Dad worked graveyard shift 5 days a week. Well, his "friday" was a little different than what most of assume is a Friday. Further, his car had broken down and was in the shop instead of his driveway. Gleefully we fully grown hooligans began "decorating" the house, porch, etc., with toilet paper in the wee hours of the morning. Much giggling accompanied this activity. Abruptly, the porch light goes on and Dan yells "WHO IS THERE I'm CALLING THE POLICE!"

All 5 of us make a sprint straight for the car which is parked stealthily across the street. Between us and the car, along the shortest path to the car, was about a 3" high white picket fence.

Four of us hurdled the fence like NCAA track stars. The 5th was not so athletically inclined. Shelly ran full hilt into the fence and downed about 20 feet of it. Splinters of wood shot up everywhere as she careened forward. We all watched in horror as she righted herself and continued toward the car dragging about 3 feet of the fence behind her...

Swear to God I've never laughed so hard in my life. And yes, we rebuilt Dan's fence the next day. By "we" I mean including Shelly.

angela

[legion]

Senior year of college. Four guys in the apartment. We all had girlfriends, but they all weren't around one weekend for some reason or another.

We decided to hit one of the local college bars. (Rocky's to be exact, which is no longer there, now replaced by the Children's Discovery Museum.) After a few beers, we had a great idea: a contest. Whoever could get the largest girl to dance with them would win. My friend Nick won. All 120 lbs. of his scrawny little ass was bumping and grinding with a 300 lb. girl. We had fun. They had fun. Another fun moment was when Mike went up to a table of a bunch of hotties and their large friend, ignored the hotties, and proceeded to take the big girl out to the dance floor.

[URY914]

I was fixed up with a blind date. This was in a college where the boys and girls were in separate dorms and no guys were allowed past the lobby. (yes it was in the South about 30 years ago.) I go to the desk and ask the RA to call what's her name and tell her I'm here. I stood at the desk and I told the the RA to cough when she came off off the elevator. The doors opened and this 300 pound whale walked off. The RA coughed and I knew it was her. I walked up to her and said I was Paul's roommate and he was called home for something by his parents on short notice and he wanted me to tell you personally that he had to break the date. He was sorry but he couldn't make it. She said OK and walked away. I walked out got in my 914 and hauled azz.

True story.

[Moses]

Quick thinking, Paul!

[M.D. Holloway]

might have been a mistake. Some of the best skull I ever got was from fat chicks. They just try so darn hard and love putting stuff into their gob!

[924slover]

I've been with a few large women and in the bedroom it's like a grown man's playground. we always made fun of this large girl in school because she drove a little bug and looked like you needed a pry bar to pop her out of there. In high school i was staying over this girls house and she was plus sized and she fell asleep before me and I'm laying there in silence and in her sleep she lets one rip that hands down beat any of mine. i walked out of there laughing so hard i was choking.

[mikester]

Originally Posted by Moses

True story...

Years ago I was delivering the baby of an enormous woman. She was about a biscuit shy of 400 pounds. I tried to estimate the size of the baby using ultrasound but the sound waves would not penetrate her abdomen. I thought about borrowing a SONAR unit from the navy. I figured if they could map the ocean floor with a SONAR unit, I might be able to have a look at this baby. But I digress...

With a mighty grunt, this lady pushed out a toddler. The baby was 12 pounds! After a few moments, the woman started yelling at me; "Why didn't you TELL me the baby was so big?!" Without hesitation, the woman's husband responded; "Honey, you could have had a Volkswagen in there. How was the doc gonna know?"

How do you get rum and coke off of a laptop?

I spit mine out all over the damn thing when I got to 'toddler'...in fact...I'm laughing so hard that it has taken me a serious effort to type this out...

[serge944]

Where's Thom when you need him?

[widebody911]

Originally Posted by serge944

where's thom when you need him?

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