Cowboy Rules to Live By...

[M.D. Holloway]

Cowboy rules for:

Arizona, Texas , Colorado ,Kansas, Oklahoma , New Mexico , Wyoming , Montana , Utah , Idaho, Nevada and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us.. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10, I-40, I-70 and I-80 go east and west, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person in the Wild West waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept...

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah . . We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

[equality72521]

I completely agree with #12. I will NEVER eat Cincinnati "chili" again. Nasty crap.

[Joe Ricard]

Nice, Now that we got that straight let's start enforcing them rules.

[livi]

Whats this? The Red Neck Bentley Manual?

[masraum]

Hmm, I guess it's because I'm not a cowboy or a TX native, but I'm not feelin' it. I do agree with #1, #2, and #16 though.

[cashflyer]

17. What happens between two cowboys on the range, stays on the range.

18. The barn is where young men learn about hard work and sex education.

19. College? You don't need to attend college to shovel schit from the stalls, though A&M will be happy to teach you how to shovel it faster.

[Hugh R]

Salad is what food eats.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

I'd love to live in any one of those places. They call it "God's country" for a reason.

Unfortunately there's no jobs there either...

[slakjaw]

Originally Posted by Porsche-O-Phile

I'd love to live in any one of those places. They call it "God's country" for a reason.

Unfortunately there's no jobs there either...

+1

I have no intention of staying in the city forever!

#14 is true for me.

[M.D. Holloway]

Jeff - depends on what you do - Tejas is a hiring state for most every job - blue, white or none. The cost of living here is very attractive, taxes are lower than most and we have money to pay our road crews, teachers, police and firemen and clean our water.

[svandamme]

I have never seen a cowboy ride a combine, there's no use for combines when herding cows.
A jeep, or Quad or maybe even a Helicopter in some regions
Maybe a tractor, for pulling hay and food or water that to the cows in a dry season or something like that... But i just don't see the use for a cowboy on a combine.

[M.D. Holloway]

maybe in Sweden they don't but I assure you sir that a Cowboy here in the states can 'combine' his talents.

[Zeke]

In CA we have lots of farmers but not many cowboys. A big crop here is Mary Jane. The rest makes up 2% of our state gross product and 13% of the nation's food. One forth of that 2% is livestock revenue. A hell of a lot of chickens make up much of that. So, cowboys are few.

Cowboys with combines are simply "making hay." They are not farmers. So they can have their own set of rules if they want them. Me, I eat salad and don't hunt. My neighbors waive, my fellow citizens don't. We'd never have our hand down if we did. There isn't much of the time you are not in someone else's sight unless you're sitting on the crapper. If you waived, you'd look like Dave on the enhancement commercials.

But, I could shoot a few cell phones.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Jeff - depends on what you do - Tejas is a hiring state for most every job - blue, white or none. The cost of living here is very attractive, taxes are lower than most and we have money to pay our road crews, teachers, police and firemen and clean our water.

I've seen a few things out in the Lone Star State and even got a couple of follow-up inquiries. The hardest thing to do is convince people you're really serious about relocating (which I am). Personally I really do like Tejas. Always have. Yeah, it's got its problems like everywhere else (lots of bubbas, hotter than hades, kinda' flat and boring in a lot of places) but it certainly has an attraction. People down there are honest and down-to-earth. They "get it" in a way that's becoming progressively more and more absent out here on the left coast.

I'll do a little more digging. Thus far, the best leads I have are all in the northeast (MA, NY and PA). But I'd frankly prefer Texas to any of them!

[scottmandue]

Get offa my lawn!

[74-911]

Originally Posted by svandamme

I have never seen a cowboy ride a combine, there's no use for combines when herding cows.
A jeep, or Quad or maybe even a Helicopter in some regions
Maybe a tractor, for pulling hay and food or water that to the cows in a dry season or something like that... But i just don't see the use for a cowboy on a combine.

Farmers drive combines, not cowboys....
And most cowboys, particularly those around Dallas tend to be Rexallers....
aka drugstore cowboys...

[svandamme]

that's what i figured

[M.D. Holloway]

Lets not git away from ourselves fellas - the term Cowboy is used pretty loose here. In the strictest sense, my Father-in-law has always had several hundred head of cattle as well as a few thousand acres that he farms on and yes he owns (thats owns) a 300K combine. He is no Cowboy per se.

Cowboy is also used to refer to a Mexican. Most do wear Cowboy hats but thats to keep the sun off their heads cuz they all work outside 10 to 12 years a day, 6 days a week.

The Cowboys the above refers to is more of a mental state and not a professional state.

[74-911]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

The Cowboys the above refers to is more of a mental state and not a professional state.

There are definitely a lot of "mental state" cowboys in these parts.

Your FIL is what we always referred to as a farmer/rancher which is what most are and what my parents, grandparents etc were.

Also #3, should also say" the ditches on either side of the gravel road are called "bar ditches"