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Every family has a history, and a perception or story about that history.

Oh yeah Dad was a brave guy who served in the army, went to work every day and provided a good living but he got drunk every weekend and used to beat the he11 out of mom and us kids

Unless you confront that history you are doomed to repeat it in some fashion or form. It might even skip a generation but that history WILL rear its ugly head. It will echo from generation to generation.

Now the question is: What does it take to change the perceptions of the family history in one of the principles of that history? Understand it is like changing the perception of it being night into it being day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Looking_for_911;4868880
With all due respect to "berettafan" I can't buy this line of thinking... the "then you have kids and learn about reality" thing. This is so much like some people I currently know and how they choose to not deal with the deplorable behavior of some of their kids... that "kids will be kids" thing. And again the reasoning doesn't hold water for me.

See the first quote above. This man sounds like my dad and mom! My sister and I learned to behave. They had it down to a science. They took us everywhere when we were kids... couldn't afford a baby sitter I suppose, and if we started to act up, get out of line, etc., we'd usually get one warning. After that one warning it was On if we didn't straighten up fast. They were so good at it that all it took was [B

a Look [/B]to make up stop cold in our tracks and behave.

I'll back up berettafan by using myself as an example. When I was 3 (or 4), I said something to my mother. My father insisted that I apologize, I insisted I was right and therefore did nothing wrong. This little dance went on for a little bit until my father said, "Apologize or you'll get spanked." To which I replied, "go for it."

Needless to say, my father had to abandon spanking me, because not only was I not budging in my position but his hand had become much too sore to continue the spanking. I was sent to my room (around 10am) and told not to come out until I was ready to apologize.

Around 5pm my father came to my room, assuming that he would find that I had already apologized and was just playing. Instead, He found a Scooby Doo lunch box full of pee (remember, I couldn't leave my room until I was ready to apologize), sitting outside my door.

The lesson learned was that a determined 3yr old can outlast an equally determined parent. A lesson I am being reminded of, as I now have a 3yr old daughter. As the saying goes, "Payback is a b*tch."

Now if only they would come with an owners manual :-) I must admit I was not prepared for what is involved in raising my three sons. As they say... until you walk a mile in my shoes ...one may not totaly understand how it really is. My three sons have been the joys and challenges of my life. I pray that I have raised them in a better way than I was raised and that they intern raise their children better than they where raised.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tabs (Post 4869010)

There is no right way or wrong way of raising children, there is only your way.

In actuality it is the way you were taught to do onto your children as it was done onto to you. Even in revulsion of what your parents have done unto you will be an echo of that raising.

THE ONLY WAY TO UNDO WHAT WAS DONE TO YOU IS BY CONFRONTING THE SOURCE AND TELLING THEM IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT

There is no other way to be truly transcendent, to change the the modius of operandi.

Taking this into account, maybe it's best I never have kids.....