I f'd up the anniversary..

[Paul T]

It's not often I flub these things, but I did this time...5yr anniv last night, had a great day, nice dinner at a favorite restaurant, etc. For months we have talked about taking a nice trip somewhere for our 5 yr but needed to pin down a date later in the year since my work schedule is crazy right now. So, I figured this future trip was going to be our gift to each other. I even asked her (somewhat) jokingly the other night, "you're not getting me some expensive gift for our anniversary are you?".."no, of course not". OK. So last night, all was going well until late evening when my lovely wife springs a gift on me. A NICE gift...a very nice watch. And here I am with a card. Nothing else, nada. Now I feel like an ass. I can tell she's pissed...so much for a nice weekend.

Now the question, what can I do about it? If i get her something now, it's like I'm only doing it out of guilt, not because I want to (or else I already would have, right?). I've been trying to wean ourselves out of this extravagent gift giving, but its clearly not working...seems like a no win for me this weekend...

[imcarthur]

Sorry, Paul. You're screwed. I have absolutely no advice - just brotherly commiseration. I have done the same. And I still hear about it 10 years later.

Ian

[Schumi]

Book a weekend getaway now a few weeks from this weekend when you know she won't be busy, then spring it on her. Lie and tell her it was supposed to be for the anniversary weekend but they were booked, and you were too embarrassed to tell her you flubbed it after she gave you the watch. All will be forgiven in her mind.

[peppy]

Originally Posted by Schumi

Book a weekend getaway now a few weeks from this weekend when you know she won't be busy, then spring it on her. Lie and tell her it was supposed to be for the anniversary weekend but they were booked, and you were too embarrassed to tell her you flubbed it after she gave you the watch. All will be forgiven in her mind.

Oh yeah fix it with a lie. Even I'm not that stupid.

You have dug a deep hole but you can always make it deeper.


No suggestions here, my fifth is coming up Nov 13th.

[stomachmonkey]

Screwed

last year sent the wife to Paris with her sis an mom, sent her to NY for a show she wanted to catch, picked her up a new rig to interface her guitars and computer, new Canon Rebel, all before her B-day
so her b-day comes and I took her to a nice dinner

no extravagent gift which I learned was a mistake

my wife is not materiel at all and we always discuss anniversary/Christmas/bday spending beforehand but this was her 40th and I misses the importance of the milestone

[cbush]

This isn't about your messing up the anniversary, it is about communication. Wait until she isn't mad about it, and then have a talk about expectations and such. At 5 years you are practically newlyweds. It will make life a lot easier if you at least work out the basics like gift giving. And yes I have been in your shoes before! Good luck.

[Paul T]

Originally Posted by peppy

No suggestions here, my fifth is coming up Nov 13th.

If I may offer some friendly advice, get a gift!!

Thanks for the replies, you have all confirmed my suspicions that I'm screwed. We're talking at least, about to go out for the day so we'll see how it goes. I can't believe I got myself in this mess. Truth be told, I started a new job in July and have been working like mad, 60+ hrs a week, and I just let work take priority I guess..lesson learned for sure! Live and learn I guess...

[Paul T]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

my wife is not materiel at all and we always discuss anniversary/Christmas/bday spending beforehand but this was her 40th and I misses the importance of the milestone

Yes, I think it's the milestone thing that's at play here (if 5 yrs is a milestone?)...we often do not exchange on such events, but it'a communicated beforehand..I thought this was also, but I think in her mind it was assumed we would exchange since it's a "big one"....FWIW, we have a great relationship and never ever fight or stay mad at anything for long, so I'm sure this will pass, but I'll continue to feel bad nonetheless...

[stomachmonkey]

Ahh the work thing

lemme tell you about working 7 days a week 18-20 hours a day for a month straight and waking up on a plane and realizing that it's mothers day, my wifes first ever as a new mother and I did not even leave a card

good thing I was out of town for a week

she was only mildly pissed by the time I got back

learned a lesson about priorities on that one

9 years later and I still kick myself for that one

[jhynesrockmtn]

The fact that you feel bad about this and want to make it right should mean a lot to her. Let her know that when you give her the nice gift you are going to buy soon, now, today!

[cstreit]

Yep you're probably not getting out of this easy...

However in this case I'd say you're not wrong except through the fact that you're the man, and thus always wrong... You did plan on a nice present, the trip. However you didn't present it at the appropriate time.

So you probably need to acknowledge to her that you were a thoughtless jerk. ...but at the same time show commitment to getting the trip done. Even if it's a homemade trip brochure. What she saw was no commitment to the gift/display of your commitment. You can't fix that. You can make it better. I wouldn't run out and just buy something, it wouldn't mean much because to anyone it would feel like a guilt gift.

[MBAtarga]

Apologize profusely. Then address the communication issue like Chuck (cbush) posted.

If you asked her point blank about a gift, and she said she wasn't getting you anything, this is half her fault. She set the expectations of not exchanging gifts - not you. If she had said she was getting you something, I'm sure you would have gotten her something. Tell her so.

[Oh Haha]

Be honest with her. Tell her you thought the trip was supposed the gift to each other. Yeah, you are still wrong but I think she would rather hear the truth.

I f'd up Mother's Day for my wife this year. No gift, just a card. I tried to fix things by offering to take her shopping for something nice. No, uh uh. I received an email from her telling me how she felt like we didn't care, etc. I apologized several times but you can't undo stupid.

For her birthday, I bought her a nice gift AND surprised her while on a visit to my hometown.

We'll be married for 8 years on the 29th. We've already discussed that we are only getting each other cards. We are trying to plan for a dinner out at her favorite restaurant. If the babysitter works out, we'll go.

[Dantilla]

Good thing to set the bar low at 5 years. Now you will look like a hero at 10 and 25 years.

[svandamme]

tell her you cheated on her, that will take the heat off the Anniversary booboo

[vash]

lick the alphabet..........

honestly, george carlin called this female "double talk". paul, the way i see it is that you listened to your wife, and did what she asked...good on you.

turn it around and get mad at your wife...hahah. you should have freaked out about the watch..got mildly angry on the spot about not "following gift rules". preemptive strike...

i am just kidding. good luck. i am still feeling the wrath of a gift i gave 6 years ago...she said she wanted it. till she got it. female double talk.

[Tishabet]

Originally Posted by MBAtarga

If you asked her point blank about a gift, and she said she wasn't getting you anything, this is half her fault.

Agreed... So what kind of watch did you get

[TSNAPCRACKLEPOP]

tell her that the g*****n watch won't keep time, and you are taking it back to get money for porsche parts which you really wanted, then be pouty for a week, run to your mothers house and *****.

then look for a nice tent to live in!

[m21sniper]

Originally Posted by Paul T

Now the question, what can I do about it?

Trade her in on a new model. One that doesn't think you're an insensitive ass.

[nostatic]

Times like this I look to Homer for advice.

Get her a bowling ball. Drilled to fit your fingers. Works every time...

Or buy another 911.