we may have lost our foster license.

T77911S · 11-04-2009, 09:41 AM

here is some background. i will tryt to keep it short

there are some friends that were foster parents until almost a year ago. they had several kids and were very close to completing the adoption for some of them.
one was an older girl that was a lot of trouble. the foster mom spanked her, which is a no no for foster parents. well, the kid told the school counselor and from there it went down hill. DSS took all the kids and split them up and we got 2 year courtney. what is so bad about this is that they give these drug addict no good parents chance after chance to get the kids back, but they did nothing for the foster parents. BTW, the foster parents are related to courtneys mother, so they have contact with the mother.

the foster parents brought some things to my wifes store and courtney was there so they got to see courtney. (just recently we let the foster parents come give courtney a birthday present at the house) DSS called my wife in and accused her of letting the old foster parents see courtney over the past year. my wife confirmed the sighting at the store, but there really is nothing we can do if they come to the store. so here is the real kicker. courtney will be going back to her real mom soon, so the old foster parents will be able to see her any time they want, but it is not alright for them to see her now. i dont get it. we provide a great home for kids, the old foster parents are the nicest people you will ever meet and just love kids to death, but because they saw courtney, we are treated like dirt. why arent they out there looking into real dangers for kids? after some of the other things DSS has done, i have no doubt DSS is run by idiots.

we had a drug baby for a while. DSS sat in my living room and bragged about how they were going to put the mother in jail for abuse for doing drugs while pregnant and they had all this evidense. thye went to court and now the mother has the kid back. we have not seen her in a while but she seems to be one of the few that may be doing ok.

my wife is taking this very hard. she went home for a while.
so now we are expecting the cops and DSS to show up and take courtney, which will not be the first time.

we let a homeless mother come stay with us. once we realized helping her was beyond our abilities and she really was not in any condition to be a mother, we had her talked into giving her son up for adoption. in the mean time, we called DSS to let them know the mother was staying with us and she had her son. we hid nothing from DSS. next thing you know the cops and DSS are at our door and taking her kid. we are foster parnets but i guess we are not capable of determining a childs safety. (this is the short of this very long story).

Moses · 11-04-2009, 09:51 AM

Public agencies largely concern themselves with process, not intent or outcome. They want to dot their "i's" and cross their "t's". At the end of the day that's the primary focus.

I wouldn't take it personally, there is just no room for flexibility or innovation in a behemoth state agency. It's all about process and protocol.

cashflyer · 11-04-2009, 09:53 AM

I will not go into detail on an open forum, but I have prior dealings with the DSS in SC.
In my experience and my opinion, they are the most screwed up bureaucracy in the state, and in many cases do more harm than good.

Sorry to hear you are now one of their many victims.

TechnoViking · TechnoViking's Garage

Stories like this are why we decided to adopt internationally. Our social worker told us horror stories of dealing with the foster system in our area.

That said, if I had a kid and the rule was he or she is not allowed to see XYZ person, you can be darned sure I'd follow the rules.

Joeaksa · 11-04-2009, 10:32 AM

A friend of mine does what you are doing here in AZ. Same sort of thing, the state agency cares only about CYA than how the kid works out in the end.

Rikao4 · 11-04-2009, 10:32 AM

SA has a great DSS...
just about every week..
another baby/child is found,
the last one was skinned alive...
one was starved to death while the 'family' ate Christmas dinner in the next room..
you have case mgr. forging visit stats..
and their mantra..
they need to be with their ' Parent's '

Rika

T77911S · 11-04-2009, 10:44 AM

yes, but if DSS knows we are friends with the old FP's, should have given the child to us?

BTW, they are picking her up at 430 today.

we had another kid whose grandmother, the one he was taken from, worked at the food lion next to our house. my wife went in there with him and everyone recognized him, cant remember if the grandmother ever saw him or not.
she may have seen him once. but we definately did not want her to see him. that poor kid will be messed up for life.

if DSS cant trust our judgment as to a safe situation for a child, then i guess we should not be foster parents.

well, on the lighter side, we were planning on stopping or at least not taking on any more long term kids. we are about to get one very unrulely kid....MY MOTHER! ........help? whimper, whimper.

you know, they drag these kids down to their office once a week and let them see the drug addict, abusive parenets that put them there, but these FP's are good people and the people at DSS have known them for years. a lot of times it is more tramatic for the kids to see their parents like that. we have to deal with the kids after these visits and you can sometimes tell a difference in the kids just in a sort time visit. a lot of times it just confuses them more.

thanks, i just had to vent.

T77911S · 11-04-2009, 10:52 AM

it just gets me that they are not concerned about the trauma of moving her, when she will be going back to her mother in a month or so. but yet when she goes back to her mother they have to do a transition period where the kid goes back and forth fo a while.

Rikao4 · 11-04-2009, 10:58 AM

thank you for trying to help..
but they know better..
until....
then it's were overworked / we had no idea..

Rika

sammyg2 · 11-04-2009, 11:19 AM

Government screws up everything it gets involved with. No common sense, no logic, only bureaucracy.
But the government run health care will be different

red-beard · red-beard's Garage

My sister is a VP of Human Resources in a Division of United Technologies (Pratt and Whitney). A while after my sister's husband died, she re-married.

She decided to go through the "adoption" of the kids by the new husband. Of course, this means visits by DSS and CPS, etc. So my sister has to go through an interview.

The CPS person starts off in some sort of really snotty tone: "Why are you wanting to have you new husband adopt your Children? WHat about their father? How often do they see him now and what is their relationship like?"

Obviously, she hadn't even bothered to read the folder.

My sister looked at the woman and asked for her surpervisor. When the social worker asked why, she simply said: "I'm a WIDOW!"

Por_sha911 · Por_sha911's Garage

These are the reasons that many folks are afraid to be foster parents. Years ago, my wife and I were looking into adoption. Then a high profile case hit the news where a couple legally adopted a child at birth but when the crack addict mother decided she wanted her baby back the govt ripped that two year old child out of her parents arms and gave her back to the birth mother. Right then and there we said we would never adopt because we couldn't risk the heartbreak if that happened to us (it would have killed my wife).
Any time the govt says "I'm here to help you"...

Dantilla · 11-04-2009, 05:33 PM

My sister adopted through being a FP. Nightmare experience.

Social workers need help.

Schumi · 11-04-2009, 05:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by T77911S

after some of the other things DSS has done, i have no doubt DSS is run by idiots.

You may be onto something here.

You sound like a very caring, loving household. I hope things like this turn out better for you in the future.

crustychief · crustychief's Garage

I commend you for your generosity and time, but as a foster parent to my now adult niece, you are basically a babysitter for the court. It used to p@#^ me off to no end when child protective services would make strange decisions FOR my family, and yes they gave her back to her mother several times from the age of 3 until she was 13. I am sorry for your pain you and yours feel. I know I will never do it again.

T77911S · 11-05-2009, 10:54 AM

my wife is taking this very hard. she put her heart into this and to now be treated like we are no better than the drug adicts is tearing her up. this is making her feel like a failure. she is not very strong when things like this happen and i think thats because she puts so much of herself into something like this. she is also on the board of a group called voices that repesents foster parents, not really sure what all they do. she started a scrapbook program to encourage other foster parents to make scrapbooks for the kids. she is finishing the scrapbook for the kid we had and it is very hard for her, lots of tears.

she made one for this little boy we that we took camping with us. we heard all he talked about for months after he went back home was that camping trip and riding the horses. we then heard his mother through away the scrapbook, which in a way i guess i can understand, but still, it would not be something i would have done.

we are still on the adoption list. we are worried this may hurt us. the adoptions said we need to get a letter stating the reason we were terminated. they also said georgetown county has done this to several other familes. one went to court and won and i think another settle out of court, not sure so i will try to find out more. i dont know if i want to go that route.

Rot 911 · 11-05-2009, 01:36 PM

Hang in there! Your DSS does sound like a bunch of inept government workers. Here is Mid-Missouri they are so desperate they treat foster parents quite well. Don't give up on adoption. It may happen when you least expect it. We were foster parents to a little 2 year old girl we thought we would only have for a month. 3 years later we adopted her. And yes I will use any excuse to post pictures of her.

TechnoViking · TechnoViking's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

These are the reasons that many folks are afraid to be foster parents. Years ago, my wife and I were looking into adoption. Then a high profile case hit the news where a couple legally adopted a child at birth but when the crack addict mother decided she wanted her baby back the govt ripped that two year old child out of her parents arms and gave her back to the birth mother. Right then and there we said we would never adopt because we couldn't risk the heartbreak if that happened to us (it would have killed my wife).
Any time the govt says "I'm here to help you"...

We know a couple that had gone through an open adoption with the teenage birth mother. Months of waiting for a baby and then months of the baby living in their home. They were completely in love with the child, and they were down to the last few days before the adoption was to be finalized. Then the biological father's mother decided to step in. IIRC, he was 1/4 native American, and there is some law that says native American kids can't be adopted outside of their tribe or some BS.

So Social Services took the baby away to be raised by his biological grandma. Birth mother had no idea one of the father's grandparents was native American.

Schrup · Schrup's Garage

I called Child Protective Services on my ex-wife about ten years ago. I had just got temp custody of my then 12 year old daughter, but there was still a 2 year old & two 3 year olds that lived with her & her husband. They had overdosed on heroin & cocaine, & she had laid on the bathroom floor for 12 hours while the kids were unattended.

I went to the fire station of the paramedics that had responded & was surprised when they gave me an unedited copy of the incident report. The report contained the drug overdose info, that there was drug paraphernalia present, & that the house was in near squaller conditions.

When I showed this report to the CPS agent, her only concern was how I had got this report & getting the fire station nailed for giving it to me.

T77911S · 11-06-2009, 07:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Schrup

I called Child Protective Services on my ex-wife about ten years ago. I had just got temp custody of my then 12 year old daughter, but there was still a 2 year old & two 3 year olds that lived with her & her husband. They had overdosed on heroin & cocaine, & she had laid on the bathroom floor for 12 hours while the kids were unattended.

I went to the fire station of the paramedics that had responded & was surprised when they gave me an unedited copy of the incident report. The report contained the drug overdose info, that there was drug paraphernalia present, & that the house was in near squaller conditions.

When I showed this report to the CPS agent, her only concern was how I had got this report & getting the fire station nailed for giving it to me.

that story sounds like the first 2 kids we had. mom was passed out in a hotel with a baby and 3 year old.

your last statement sounds familiar. my wife found out through another FP friend that DSS told her the reason they dumped us was because my wife finds out information she should not know, kinda ironic huh? i think they leaked that to the other FP because they know that my wife and her are good friends. the foster community is very small, plus they have meetings and classes together so what else do they expect teh parents to talk about.

when DSS took the kid of the mother that was with us, DSS would not tell us where the kid was. shortly after, there was a FP dinner, the FP that had the kid was there and told us she had him. then a few months back, the FP and the kid came to my wifes store for a scrapbook class. i dont think my wife did any digging to find out that info, DSS kinds laid it in her lap.

now my wife is saying she does not want to be a FP anymore even if we got our license back becasue she does not want to deal with DSS anymore. i think it is just her way to get over this.

well, i just got off the phone with the wife. she went down to DSS and had a talk with the head triggy. BTW, she was also at the initial meeting/trial. my wife reminded her of a conversation they had when we were going to get courtney back were my wife asked do you think it is a good idea to give her to us since we are friends with the FP;s the kid was taken from.
in the end, the DSS lady asked her if she was still going to foster. my wife told her not right now. so we are not sure where we stand. but the good thing is that this is helping her to get over this and she already feels a lot better since she got some things off her chest, thank goodness none of it was her cup size

i told her we should get our license back so at least we can stop on our terms and perhaps when our daughter is gone, we will do it again.

what i dont understand is that when the mother gets the kid back, the FP's she was taken from will be babysitting her when the mother goes to work, so why make such a big deal out of all this?

thanks, some of the replies have been encouraging.