Joe all I can say has already said in the famous movie line "Run Forrest, Run". Matter of fact if you are using the "conventional" delivery method that you mentioned earlier I believe I would end that situation as of this minute, just my .02

Todd

What others have said. At 57 do you really need that baggage?

This Thursday, I will be buying my son his first legal beer when he turns 21; I'm 55. When you do the same, you'll be what, 79?

Best Advice Ever!

Joe, these are all the wrong reasons to have a child (in my opinion).

Have a child with someone you love and can't stand to be without. If you CAN stand to be without her then in all the trials and tribulations of marriage and parenthood your relationship might not survive.

So, with that in mind having a child in this sort of situation is so far from good - I can't even imagine considering it.

I honestly don't know how single parents do it with more than one kid. Especially if they are young. I cringe at the thought of my wife leaving me alone with both kids awake for more than a few hours and I think I'm pretty good at this. It falls apart so easily...

I'm just sayin...

Also, I don't think your age is too old if you're in good shape and committed to a healthy lifestyle that will help keep you there. Older parents aren't bad parents.

I'm in my mid thirties and had my first about 5 years ago. If I could do it again, I might have started earlier. If I could do it again I KNOW two things about my life.

1: I can't say.

2: I'd make enough money to have as many kids as I could. They are quite expensive.

You are approaching this situation with both logic and good faith. Your mistake is in assuming she will do the same, whether it be now or 3 years down the road.

Occam's Razor, Joe.

I am in a similar situation... I'm 48, she is 30 and has a 5 year old kid..

The difference is that she and I will be getting married, and another kid is a good probability..

Talk about something that wrenches at your gut and makes your head spin.... I feel wonderful about marrying her, and look forward to a life together.. being a step dad.. and possibly a father..

Don't know if I could just be a donor....

I wish that would happen to me, I'd say yes in a mili-second. 50 and no kids.

The fundamental question:

Do you want a child?

Anyway it plays, you will have one. Along with all of the joy, anguish, responsibility, guilt, happiness and heartache that a child will bring.

If the answer is yes, then this might be your shot.

Ian

run forest, run.

I was asked by two different women if I would sire a child...30 yrs. ago ~ 2 yrs. apart. Strangely enough, both women used the same word, sire.

The seriousness of both invites shocked me (that clock makes them crazy). :eek:
I just couldn't have trusted being involved in such a risky matter. I would want to be the father...and at that time, I didn't want to be a father.

Each honorable justification I made for not participating made them more/more insistent. Very difficult conversations, they were. The first lady left within a couple of months, the second lady and I split up 3 yrs. later.

Hmm...ask her for a printout of her FICO score.

I swear I heard bells, too, Joe. :eek:

same proposition made to me in 2006. not too uncommon, maybe?

in 2008, raising a child from birth to 18 can cost a middle-income, two-parent American family an average of more than $290,000

be careful, joe. time for celibacy as a spiritual practice. my .02.

A 57 year old single guy who likes the ladies and has no vasectomy? WTF?

Agreed, time to take the venom out of that snake.

Not only will you end up with the legal responsibilities of being the kid's father, you will also lose the first position you now have with the mother. No longer will your needs be at the top of her priority list. They probably aren't now, since she already has a kid. But your needs will really be on the back burner after the second kid. That's why I only ever dated MILF's and never thought about marrying one. If you want to be your partner's #1 priority, don't marry one with kids and don't have kids with one you're not married to.

A kid that's 8 and a baby is like two only children. She should adopt a child closer to her son's age and even that might be a bad idea given that her son has been an only child for so long. This has bad idea written all over it.

Well let's take a look at another side of this...

Successful professional woman (pilot) already a single parent (knows the "score") apparently financially able. Been in a relationship with a really neat but decidedly older guy.

Not to be unflattering, but did it ever occur to you that she doesn't consider you marriage material? That with all of your virtues (and I believe you have plethora of them) the realistic side is that you are too old to raise a child and she is perfectly capable both emotionally and financially of doing this herself.

I'm sorry for saying such a cruel thing, but the fact is, she's smart. She knows that you'll be in your 70's when the child is a teenager. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule but in general, this is NOT a good thing.

edit: - also the sperm donor thing - no way... You are not a walk-away kind of guy.

angela

Interesting take Angela.

Joe, I only know you from your posts here, but I honestly don't think you could walk away from Jr. once he/she arrives. Unless of course I've totally misjudged you. I can't see you NOT being in the child's life. What will you do when you piss this woman off, and then she won't let you see this child? You KNOW that most women are more than capable of using a child to play games with a guy. I honestly don't see you sitting back and just taking it.

Run away my friend, this seems like a chance for her to own you lock, stock, and barrel.

Plus one! Unless you wish to marry the woman and raise a child...RUN!

After all this bandwidth...it seems our Joe has already made his decision. Not a wise one...but a decision none-the-less.

Perhaps you could have asked this question BEFORE you threw away the rubbers.....Just sayin'.

You're living the dream Joe! Cheers.

do what makes you happy ;) I can't relate on any level fwiw.

You are assuming an awful lot. Just did not tell everything at the top.

Have not made any decision but its pretty clear that having a kid at this age with someone that you are not living with, and married to, is not a good call.

Never threw the rubbers away, was in uniform and ready to head out the door and she forced me to get back into bed and raped me. Have to admit that it did put a smile on my face the rest of the day...

Yes and no, and for me the dream does not include getting saddled with child support payments until I die.

Believe that I will hold off. Unless I find someone I am ready to marry and live with that this is not a smart decision...

Joe, that sounds like a good call. Hope you didn't ask this questions of the guys in the hangar?? That would have been very interesting.

Thanks and agree with much of your above comment. Frankly after being divorced for almost 10 years, and being as old as I am, even getting married again, not to mention having a child, would be a massive change in my life.

Still leaning that this is not a good thing to happen... but appreciate the insight.

How is it I just found this thread? And during a search for movie lines? I'm guessing there aren't any little Pelicans on their way?

Not in my hangar! :)

Doan do it.
Iffn she has a kid from your "donation", you can still be on the hook for child support.

if you do not do it, where will you be in 10 years?

you know, it would not be the worst thing that has ever happened to you. If i were you, i would!!

Do NOT do it....'nuff said.

any more peach cobbler?

Nope, cut it off cold. Only way for me to do it and have not seen her since. If she lived in the area it might be different but not 1000 miles away.

yer thinkin' with the wrong head buddy. get the blood flowing to the right organ.

Already did, the pants are zipped up and not using the lower head anymore.

good. why even risk the chance that some day it would come back to haunt you.

Just read the whole thread...

Something similar happened to me years ago. I was married at the time so it was a bit more complicated.
A lesbian couple I knew approached me about donating sperm so they could have a child.
I didn't say no straight away. I was too shocked for that. Instead I went home and told my then wife about it.
Can you imagine what she said? Anyway the final decision was NO for a lot of reasons besides them being Lesbians.

OK> Fast forward 12 years. I'm divorced and raising my three kids on my own. Work full-time and turned 45 in February.
My girls are 20 and 21 and my son is 14.

Funny thing is a little part of me I regrets not doing it. I can't fully explain it but that's how I feel.

I hope you don't regret your decision.