Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Rally

dhoward · dhoward's Garage

Pennsylvania - ~Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally.~
Johnstown, PA: Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers "duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters," according to police officials.

"Something just went wrong," said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest. "Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong."

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups, "growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats," decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event "in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats." "In fact," said the organizer. "Motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it... Ergo, they should stop."

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960's era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting "you're murderers" to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

"They peed on me!!!" charged one activist. "They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me 'La Trene', and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!"

"I... I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket. And, he... he didn't even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was, 'You can't prove that.' Next thing I know is he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and not left me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman."

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers "farted on their heads."

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed "surprise" at the allegations.

"That's preposterous," said on high ranking member of the biker organizing committee. "We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome."

When confronted with the allegations of force feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and 'farting on their heads,' the organizer declined to comment in detail. "That's just our secret handshake," assured the organizer.

Tervuren · Tervuren's Garage

ROFL.

I've got one question though for those that object to leather...what else should we do with dead cow skins?

legion · 01-04-2010, 01:30 PM

Just shows you how stupid these PETA types can be.

And part of me is glad they finally met someone who wouldn't put up with their crap.

herr_oberst · 01-04-2010, 01:36 PM

The Spoof : Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally. funny satire story

look 171 · 01-04-2010, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legion

Just shows you how stupid these PETA types can be.

And part of me is glad they finally met someone who wouldn't put up with their crap.

+1 million

legion · 01-04-2010, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by herr_oberst

The Spoof : Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally. funny satire story

Yeah, I figured, but there was a moment of schadenfreude there...

pete3799 · pete3799's Garage

Hey I got an idea. Lets throw water filled balloons at biker thugs.
Brilliant!

skinnerd · skinnerd's Garage

It would totally happen...or worse (the missing part).

Can you imagine some of these animal rights activists doing this to the Sons of Anarchy?
They would certainly go end up MIA or worse.

Maybe the activists actually have half a brain?
They know enough to at least stay alive.

m21sniper · 01-04-2010, 02:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by legion

Yeah, I figured, but there was a moment of schadenfreude there...

Are you a "2 and a half men" fan?

legion · 01-04-2010, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by m21sniper

Are you a "2 and a half men" fan?

I watch the show from time to time...

pwd72s · 01-04-2010, 02:38 PM

If only it were true...

varmint · 01-04-2010, 02:47 PM

i wander around every day dressed like something out of mad max. i dream of some peta protestor giving me an excuse.

McLovin · 01-04-2010, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhoward

Pennsylvania - ~Three Reported Missing After Animal Rights Activists Take "War on Leather" to Motorcycle Gang Rally.~

Moses has them hostage in his back office, go check.

Taz's Master · 01-04-2010, 03:12 PM

I'd rather be a hostage in Moses' office than urine soaked and taped to a tree in the hills outside of Johnstown tonight. I'm north of Johnstown, but in this part of PA the thermometer reads 18 and it's only 7pm. Moses is keeping them from the coroner, they'd better be prepared to thank him.

Rick V · 01-04-2010, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by varmint

i wander around every day dressed like something out of mad max. i dream of some peta protestor giving me an excuse.

Had one take aim at me with a balloon once, they drew back, I stopped, looked them right in the eye, and very calmly said, "do it and die". I didn't get pelted.

cgarr · cgarr's Garage

tie-dyed human skin seat covers might be in next year then?

McLovin · 01-04-2010, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rick V

I didn't get pelted.

Nice pun.

Jeff Higgins · 01-04-2010, 05:36 PM

I've had exactly one run-in with the PETA crowd in my lifetime. My oldest son was about five, we had a new dog, and we were heading out pheasant hunting at a local release site. My son just wanted to tag along to keep me company and watch.

Here in Western Washington, ground nesting birds simply do not survive our wet falls and winters. As a result, the only way to "hunt" (and I use that term very loosely) them around here is to hunt the Game Department's release sites, where they release farm raised birds. Good stuff for a new dog and a little kid.

They do not allow access to the sites before either 7:00 or 8:00 am. All of the hunters mill around in front of the gate and b.s. while waiting for it to open. Great place for PETA ass holes to come and harass the maximum number of hunters with the least effort expended. That's what they were doing this morning, with their obligatory news camera crews in tow.

When it was time to hunt, the PETA putzes lined up at the gate (more like just a chain across the road) and attempted to block our passage. That's about when the ranger pulled in. Just in time to see one of the PETA guys grab my kid in an effort to not let him past. And, therefore, just in time to see me break his jaw and knock all of his front teeth out with the comb of my shotgun stock. By the time the ranger got there, I had my three shells in the gun (one chambered and two in the magazine) and the muzzle about a foot from this bastard's head, as he lay sprawled on the ground. Everyone else was loading their shotguns, too.

Of course the other PETA morons were all screaming and raising hell about me. The ranger then said (in a very loud voice addressing the PETA folks) something like "every last god damn one of you - spread eagle on the ground, face down - NOW!!!" He then told the hunters to cover them (there were about seven or eight protestors, and about twice that many hunters).

When enough back-up arrived to properly handle the protestors, they quietly rounded them up and carted them off. "Mine" in an aid unit. The rangers and deputies got all of the hunters' names, then demanded the film that was shot. He said "my" guy would be charged with assault, and the rest with criminal interference of a lawful hunt. Not sure what ever became of it; I was never contacted. Oh well - I think I got my point across.

legion · 01-04-2010, 05:41 PM

He tried to grab your kid?

I don't know that I could have shown the restraint you did, Jeff.

Jeff Higgins · 01-04-2010, 05:48 PM

No, he didn't just try, Chris - he succeeded. Yanked him back pretty hard to boot. The upper cut with the shotgun got him pretty good, though. I must admit, I think I was honestly trying to kill him. The gun wasn't loaded yet, as there is a "safe zone" where they cannot be loaded out to about 20-30 yards or so from the parking lot. Had it been loaded, I'm afraid my first reaction would have been to clock him in the jaw with an ounce and a half of number sixes instead. I was seeing red...