Dementia

[Dottore]

So with my father recently deceased, my mother is slipping into an increasingly deep fog.

Her short term memory is deteriorating rapidly. She asks the same question 20 times. Tries telephoning her girlfriends on the TV remote control. Is incapable of looking after her finances. Constantly misplaces things and blames others.

She is seriously batty in other words, but categorically refuses to accept this.

We want to drag her to the doctor for a dementia test —but will have to do so kicking and screaming.

Anybody been here before? How comprehensive and involved are dementia tests? Are there any meaningful treatment options? How do you actually get someone to the doctor who is in complete denial?

What a drag it is growing old....

[crustychief]

I am sorry to hear this, I am lucky enough to have my parents but dread the day I have to make decisions concerning their health and safety.
Regards,
Sandy

[pwd72s]

Both sets of parents now gone. But Cindy & I have BTDT...my sympathy. You are entering a difficult time period. We muddle through the best we can...because we must.

[dd74]

Sorry to hear this.

I've been through this with my MIL. It's not fun at all. She's a Wyoming cowgirl, head-strong, etc., and wouldn't accept the fact something wasn't right with her - which turned out to be Alzheimer's.

All I can tell you is you have to be firm and not let the disease get ahead of you.

Almost immediately we had to take away the MIL's car because she would get lost driving in Los Angeles on her way up to the Hollywood Hills where she lived.

Living at home by herself lasted only a short period of time. We hired live-in help who proceeded to steal her jewelry, others who did nothing other than drink her liquor and eat her food, plus it's easy to get lost up around Lake Hollywood and near the H'Wood Sign. So when we finally committed her to a home, things became better, though exponentially more expensive.

As to the doctor: how do you know it's Dementia and not Alzheimer's? I'm not certain there's a significant real-world difference between the two. You should ask.

One test I know they give potential Alzheimer's sufferers is a test where one counts back from 49 by seven. Sounds elementary, but supposedly a patient will invariably lose their way, forget why they're doing this, and therein give a sign that something is wrong. If there were meaningful treatments, we would have tried them, but I'm afraid there are none of any significance.

You have to be patient, but direct and no cowing. We faced a degenerative disease. In very little time, on many levels, we were dealing with a 70+ year-old child.

[tabs]

YES?

Anyway enough at my attempt at levity...Your Mother is in DENIAL about her husbands death. She can not face the facts or the grief...get her outa the house and into a new environment and see if she improves..If she does not it will be a straight road DOWN....I have seen this shyte too many times before...

Just go to the cemetary and look at the graves where both long term husband and wife are buried and see how long it is before one joined the other...sometimes it is just a week or two.

[GH85Carrera]

That is bad news. If she still has a car take it away NOW. That is a major burden on you and her but if she can't think rationally she should not drive. My FIL died of Alzheimer's. It is a horrible way to be alive.

[tabs]

Here is the fking question...Did your Moms exhibit any signs of DEMENTIA before Dad passed away? Or is this a recently noticiable condition?

Think NOW..go back over the memory bank...

[creaturecat]

Firstly, my condolences.
My father had the test administered in B.C.. Pretty basic memory test. Confirmation of what had already become obvious. No meaningful therapy.
It was a tough road, slightly downhill all the way.

[Dottore]

Originally Posted by tabs

Here is the fking question...Did your Moms exhibit any signs of DEMENTIA before Dad passed away? Or is this a recently noticiable condition?

...

Yes, she had a mild case before my father passed away. So mild we could laugh about it.

It very suddenly turned serious though. From slightly eccentric to completely batty in about 4 months.

[daepp]

We are living with this now, and for the last 2 years.

My mother had the tests, hated us for suggesting she take them. Sad but necessary.

She has dementia. She is stable. Asks the same questions 20 times. It is very hard on many levels, but you just smile and try to make it nice for them.

[flatbutt]

I've been going thru this with my 86 year old Mom for awhile. She kept passing the dang dementia tests so the Dr wouldn't do anything. Finally the Dr spent enough time with her to see what I had been going on about and he agreed to put her on Arisept. I'm still waiting to see if it helps.

[daepp]

We also have help. Fortunately my parents saved and invested, so we are able to keep her in her home very near us (1/8 mile). 5 days per week 8 hrs a day I have a 24 year old unmarried niece who takes care of her. She makes more from us than she could anywhere else, and she loves her grandma.

We also have overnight help, which is very reasonable as all they have to do is sit with her and be there in case she needs anything.

Finally, two days a week we have the same woman from the Visiting Nurses Association. THAT is pricey but worth it.

Good luck. In our case, it is harder on the family than on my mother. SHE is comfortable and happy now, even though she is a mere shell of her former self (Chem degree as a woman in 1942!)

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Dottore

Yes, she had a mild case before my father passed away. So mild we could laugh about it.

It very suddenly turned serious though. From slightly eccentric to completely batty in about 4 months.

How bout before your dad got sick? I would expect that the knowledge that Dad was sick would cause her to exhibit some symptoms..that would fortell how she would be dealing with it once the event occured.

This seems to be her way of dealing with the loss...she would rather retreat into Dementia than face the emotional reality of her loss....The grief probably overwhelms her..and she does not know how she is going to face life without the man she was with for so many years...

This does not mean the Dementia is not real it is just a sort of caving into it..

Does she refer to happy memories from many years ago?

Get her to a new environment that breaks the cycle of memories and living in the past...she needs to see that life CAN go on after the old guy has passed. She as many others may chose that they just don't want to go on, that life holds nothing more for them...

[Dottore]

Originally Posted by tabs

How bout before your dad got sick? I would expect that the knowledge that Dad was sick would cause her to exhibit some symptoms..that would fortell how she would be dealing with it once the event occured.

This seems to be her way of dealing with the loss...she would rather retreat into Dementia than face the emotional reality of her loss....The grief probably overwhelms her..and she does not know how she is going to face life without the man she was with for so many years...

This does not mean the Dementia is not real it is just a sort of caving into it..

Does she refer to happy memories from many years ago?

Get her to a new environment that breaks the cycle of memories and living in the past...she needs to see that life CAN go on after the old guy has passed. She as many others may chose that they just don't want to go on, that life holds nothing more for them...

Tabs: Is your point that she is not suffering from an illness as such—but merely from deep grief? If so what's the difference if the symptoms are the same? Or is your point that it's self-inflicted because her life is suddenly pointless from her perspective, and there's nothing really we can do apart from trying to cheer her up with new distractions?

I'm only just beginning to do some reading on this, and it all seems pretty grim.

Thank you for your responses. Very interesting.

[Dottore]

For many years I used to think getting old had something to do with a fireplace, a dog at the feet, glass of scotch at the side and a lot time to read all of the good books you always wanted to read.

Just never had to deal with the deep decrepitude of old age before.

2009 was a very rude awakening for me on that score.

Thank you all for the helpful replies.

[asphaltgambler]

I went through all the stages with my mom a few years ago...................................prolly one of the toughest times of my life and certainly hers. You need to either have her move in with you which would not happen because most folks that age would rather die in their home than leave it.

Hire a caretaker for a daytime shift to help and watch over her

[tabs]

Originally Posted by Dottore

Tabs: Is your point that she is not suffering from an illness as such—but merely from deep grief? If so what's the difference if the symptoms are the same? Or is your point that it's self-inflicted because her life is suddenly pointless from her perspective, and there's nothing really we can do apart from trying to cheer her up with new distractions?

I'm only just beginning to do some reading on this, and it all seems pretty grim.

Thank you for your responses. Very interesting.

Tricky to know...you need to be very sensitive and thoughtfull in your observations.

Perhaps just a deep grief and or letting herslef go towards that end...

Anytime Dementia or other behavior just springs itself out in such a short period of time AND AFTER such a traumatic event as losing a life partner.....one has to be suspicious and think of other causes besides a physical condition. Thats where your memory comes in..to think back...

Now she may snap back and decide there is life after Dad...that is kinda where you come in to help show that path...her environment needs to be changed so that she can see that path..then she can make her own decision..

I would try this first before I went down the Alzeheimers or Senility road..

In most cases true Alzeheimers or Senilty just doesn't become full blown in a short period of time but is a GRADUAL progression over years.

Fear and anxiety about the future coupled with a seemingily unbearable grief and lonliness...could cause anyone of us to slip a gear or two. Don't cha think?

[HarryD]

My 90+ years old parents are traveling this road. Dad is ahead but mom is trying to catch up.

My brother is dealing with the day to day stuff but what I see is that mom and dad cannot really recognize what is lost. If you are going to be the caretaker, you need to have them see the doc and let him guide them (and you) through the process to figure out what needs to be done. Talk to the doc, tell him your concerns and bring them in for a checkup, let the doctor suggest the tests etc to make the diagnosis.

Best of Luck

[tabs]

Modern Medicine has a tendency to tell ya here is your pill..it will fix that..it is partly that they don't have the time to truly figure it out...and its easy to give ya a pill.

Most people accept the MD as an authority on the matter...however that does not absolve you of the responsibility of being self aware...

[tabs]

At 90+ what the fk do ya expect...there is going to at least be some physical deterioation. Most people are lucky to be still drawing a breath at 90