"Great gains require great risks"

I can't imagine shutting down all emotion and living as a zombie... what is the point of living if you are not experiencing it? Sounds like going to an amusement part and sitting on a bench watching everyone else enjoying the rides... all because you are afraid.

Sup, every person is unique... every relationship is unique... we can drive ourself crazy trying to "figure it out".

We can't change or live in the past... just be the best person we can today.

Only if you don't want to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm reading through the posts and it's difficult to focus, to not get distracted, but have to share.........your crystal ball is correct and incorrect. When she comes along, I will know it and she will be a huge blessing. But that will not and cannot happen until I meet myself and accept myself. Forgive myself. Understand myself. That's my message to you.

as you know, supe, we are our own worst critics. Look around for someone, or a group where you generally recieve postive strokes, and go there. you seem too down on yourself, and we out here do not see you as that at all!!

A local Pelicanhead has offered a referral. Someone who, according to the Pelicanhead, has actual talent. According to my observation, approximately 3% of psychologists have actual talent. The rest, for someone like me, are a waste of time. I'm not joking at all. I estimate 3%.

Clearly I am suffering from a raging depression, but I have never had a serious suicide thought in my life. Just so you know.......

But yeah, this is serious. Deadly serious. Suicide is not the danger, but wasting the rest of my life by remaining numb is probably even sadder, and more imminent.

your doing it again...
your convinced your going to get one the 97%..

Rika

geez, at least 10 of those in my hs class did it. somehow, i was saved! surely i was more screwed up than they were, or at least it seemed that way back then. i figure my mission is as of now incomplete, really!

I grok that. There has been full disclosure, and there is ongoing communication. Nobody is abandoning anyone. Whew! My relationship with her will surely change. I have no idea what it will become. But it is probably permanent. Many of my relationships are permanent, and I basically know that when they start.

Wow. Your crystal ball works better than you know. See below.


Bingo. She's been infatuated and in love with me for three years now. I've been waiting for the dishonesty of that to subside. Because I don't believe I am a reasonable target for love. I can't accept it from someone else because I don't have it for myself. I have this weird issue about being required to "earn" love.

Get in touch with my feelings, yes. Medication, no. BTDT. Don't care for the side-effects and don't care for the primary effect. Life is a roller coaster. Antidepressants try to make it into a merry-go-round. I'll take the full-flavor version, if you please.

Right now, my children need me too. The stakes are high and the heat is on. Time to perform. Time for the phone booth.

For someone like you? It seems like you may be putting yourself in a category or box of people who can't benefit from therapy. Have an open mind. So you meet some stupid or crazy one's along the way. You can still get something out of it. Take what works for you from each experience and design your own self help program. Interview them before writing a check, how do they work, what would they expect from you each session...............?

Find some other things that will help. Exercise and diet can be important in battling depression. My own prescription was cycling when I went through my divorce. I pedaled my ass off day and night. Now it's yoga, takes me to a place mentally and physically that is healing. I also find track days and racing to be good therapy :D Best of luck.

Nailed it, Soup. Shotgun blast! That is it. Maybe when you sort through this thread a little more, shoot me a PM.

As a friendly aside, you'd have a better chance of meeting miss right, if you'd stop traipsing around in dresses.

Yes, I deflect serious issues w/humor and/or sarcasm.

Yoga. I've heard that's a great place to meet chicks. Kidding. Sort of.

I've gotta say......I really appreciate you guys' friendship. Very, very much. I might continue to journal some of my stuff in this thread and if somebody reads it, great. I'd be doing it for me, and if someone else benefits then.....all the better.

I've gotten some good advice and suggestions here. Exercise. I'm fairly lean and fit and healthy, but I do not exercise. Anxiety....that's my exercise. Diet. Rest/sleep. Talking, listening, expressing.

I can't follow the advice of Sniper and others of that ilk. I'm not put together that way. I love you guys, but I'm way too sensitive for your lifestyle.

I'm hard on therapists. I have a BS in Psychology, I come from an entire family of over-analyzers and I'm way too smart and way too manipulative and persuasive for most therapists. The moment I start seeing the canned crap "I hear you saying you feel frustrated........." I feel like my time is being wasted. I don't need sympathy. I need coaching, and that requires talent. I've known a lot of counselors and seen plenty professionally. Sadly, counseling is not a skill. It is a talent.

That's the heartiest laugh I've had in weeks, perhaps months.

Yes there are some bad therapist out there... and a lot of bad people (messed up women to get hooked up with)...

But if you hooked up with a bad dentist would you stop seeing a dentist?

Dunno... you could share the wardrobe... think of the money you would save! And the extra closet space! And she could help you match your colors... you kinda suck at that (sorry... tough love)

NO childhood memories? WTF? Something happened.
Shot in the dark - apologies in advance - organized guilt-driven religion?
Wishing you the best, always remember, the "present" IS the gift.

Sup... we have times of feeling down... I find it best to go someplace quiet... meditate and reconnect with nature... and contemplate that somewhere out there... deep deep out there...

Is and asteroid hurtling at earth that will annihilate all life in a matter of seconds.

SmileWavy

In a PM today, I shared with Todd that I NEED silence. Two days minimum. For this reason mostly, I backpack. Alone. I don't do it enough, but three days of silence......no talking.......place me back at my center. Seriously. After two days, I am just starting to relax. Our lives have WAY too much noise and clutter and stress.

i would like to chime in on the "no childhood memories" that sounds like it needs investigatin. regression therapy?