Issue With Mentally Handicapped Neighbor Man/Boy, Sex Conversations with Sons Friends

[M.D. Holloway]

Last night a friend of ours who also has an 11yr old son (our Son's close friend) told me that his son and two other 11 yr olds were ramping their bikes - nothing new. The neighborhood challenged (lets call him R) came by and began discussing how he and his girl friend masterbate each other and someday he wants to make little R's.

This Man/Boy is 21. My first question to my neighbor was "is she hot?" but I quickly erased that statment upon the thought of this guy rubbing one out with what ever would date him.

My immediate response was to call up his parents and make sure he stayed away from our kids. Thing is, it didn't happen to me or mine so I remain mute.

This 'R' has never done anything inappropriate that I know of. I was told (but not confirmed) that he suffered brain damage as a child and yet another source says that 'R's sister said that he is being medicated for Bi-polar. The kid works in slow motion and is very mindful when my wife tells him he has to leave our yard (which she has done ever sense we have been in this hood). I have noticed that he does stare at the neighborhood MILFs but WTF so do I! I just do it with dark glasses on...

So, my friend wants to go to the cops. I think he should first go to this kids parents and discuss the situation. If he was of sound mind than the cops for sure but he really only has the mental capability of an 8 year old - with raging hormones apparently.

I say this is what to do maybe because he didn't say anything like this to our two kids. I really think if he had I would prolly want to cull him - God forbide he ever did anything. No genetic trace would be found. Seriously.

The kids have been told to stay away from him - he he aprouches them they are to leave and report any inappropriate behavior. So, what would you do?

[Cdnone1]

If I where to do anything beside talking to my own children, I would call the parents.
Calling the cops could make an already difficult situation much much worse for young man and his the family.
Also you may be surprised to find out what normal kids talk about and threatening to "cull him " and leave no trace will only get you in trouble.

Steve

[Garp]

Dealing with a kid in the neigbourhood which is slightly retarded is something I am unfortunately familiar with. In my case the kid is 14, just a bit older than my children, but has the brain of a kid half his age. He is very strong though and can be violent.
Rather than isolating my kids from him we discussed the matter and also made some arrangments on how to deal with him. They treat him with respect, talk with him and sometimes he joins one of my kids for a walk with the dog. It stops there however as he can be invasive and I simply don't want him around the house.
I hope this will pay-off in a sense that my kids learn how to deal with a retarded child while at the same time making more or less sure that they will not be bothered (or even agressed) by him. Time will tell if this is a good decision, in the mean time I remain very vigilant.
In your case a first step would be a friendly talk with the parents, no doubt they know his hormonal situation. Going in full defense mode straightaway is perhaps not such a good idea, better to keep him befriended (neutral) than have him as an enemy.

[Racerbvd]

Talk to the parents before going to the cops, explain your concerns without pointing fingers, hard yes, but the right thing to do..

Things will be better if everyone one is on the same page. Remember, this is for HIS protection as well as the kids, as if he doesn't know better, something innocent could blow into something big. A little honest communication can go a long way to keep a happy medium..

[stomachmonkey]

If he were an 8 year old would you call the cops or talk to his folks 1st?

After wife and I first married we were sub letting a ground floor co-op.

Unit above us was an 80 year old woman with a 40ish year old son who had the mental capacity of a 10 year old. He would play his bongos and blast Gloria Estefan and Tito Puente at 3 in the morning.

After one such episode I went up to have a word.

I explained to him how his bongo playing was inappropriate and he was being rude and inconsiderate and to please knock it of or I would make a complaint to the co-op board.

What I think he heard was,

dfhaslkdjal aksdkad hdh asjhfakjd hadshkj bongo dflksdjld......

His eyes lit up and he got all excited, invited me in, showed me his room and his bongos and his record player and his bed and his closet. The whole time I'm trying to get my point across to no avail.

Went downstairs and told the wife, "we're moving".

[ODDJOB UNO]

sheeeeeeeeeeeeeessssh! and i thought my clown non attorney was FEEKED UP!



yeah i know ya cant drink enough tequilas and beers to make this poo up!



wow that hurt my hair!

[Tishabet]

Originally Posted by Racerbvd

Talk to the parents before going to the cops, explain your concerns without pointing fingers, hard yes, but the right thing to do..

Things will be better if everyone one is on the same page. Remember, this is for HIS protection as well as the kids, as if he doesn't know better, something innocent could blow into something big. A little honest communication can go a long way to keep a happy medium..

A big +1 to this... delicate situation, but his family needs to know what is going on and be given the chance to deal with it before you escalate. That being said, they need to know you can/will escalate this issue if it is not dealt with.

[MRM]

Lube, while I agree that intervention and careful handling are required, I think you should consider what you want the cops to do before calling them. I don't think R has engaged in any criminal activity. Cops are set up to arrest people for comitting crimes; they aren't much good for anything else.

On the other hand, I don't think you should let the fact that the icky and inapropriate conversation happened to other people's kids stop you from taking action. I don't think it matters who it happened to and who heard about it first hand or second hand. It was reported to you under circumstances where the report was reliable.

Here's what I suggest. I bet R has a caseworker with the county. I think you ought to talk to the parents and find out who the caseworker is to make sure they deal with R. In the mean time, it sounds like your son is pretty savvy. You can educate him how to handle himself.

Call the County social services/adult protection people and talk to his caseworker. Best chance for good results without you taking on the role of advisor/counselor to R.

[berettafan]

I seem to recall reading or hearing from somewhere that mental disability in certain forms can be accompanied by two things:
-sexual obsessiveness
-inability to deal with the above appropriately

i suspect that sexual needs/desires find themselves into just about everyone's brains but not everyone has the ability to understand boundaries.

take pity on the parents and let them know your concerns. BUT have your children set boundaries as if the risk is very real.

[Gogar]

I agree with MRM,

I don't think you should call the cops unless you can established that "R" has indeed committed a crime.

I think a careful talk with all the adult parties involved is first.

[m21sniper]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Last night a friend of ours who also has an 11yr old son (our Son's close friend) told me that his son and two other 11 yr olds were ramping their bikes - nothing new. The neighborhood challenged (lets call him R) came by and began discussing how he and his girl friend masterbate each other and someday he wants to make little R's.

This Man/Boy is 21. My first question to my neighbor was "is she hot?" but I quickly erased that statment upon the thought of this guy rubbing one out with what ever would date him.

My immediate response was to call up his parents and make sure he stayed away from our kids. Thing is, it didn't happen to me or mine so I remain mute.

This 'R' has never done anything inappropriate that I know of. I was told (but not confirmed) that he suffered brain damage as a child and yet another source says that 'R's sister said that he is being medicated for Bi-polar. The kid works in slow motion and is very mindful when my wife tells him he has to leave our yard (which she has done ever sense we have been in this hood). I have noticed that he does stare at the neighborhood MILFs but WTF so do I! I just do it with dark glasses on...

So, my friend wants to go to the cops. I think he should first go to this kids parents and discuss the situation. If he was of sound mind than the cops for sure but he really only has the mental capability of an 8 year old - with raging hormones apparently.

I say this is what to do maybe because he didn't say anything like this to our two kids. I really think if he had I would prolly want to cull him - God forbide he ever did anything. No genetic trace would be found. Seriously.

The kids have been told to stay away from him - he he aprouches them they are to leave and report any inappropriate behavior. So, what would you do?

Go to the cops for....what?

[carambola]

so the way that i'm reading this is a guy in neighborhood has finally started getting a little at the age of 21 and he's sharing it with the world and your first response is to call the cops?
warn your kids about what could happen and congratulate R next time you see him.

[URY914]

I agree with Sniper, he's 21 and has a girlfriend. He's legal, is she? Cop can't touch him if she is, right?

Tell the parents. Soon.

[M.D. Holloway]

Guys guys guys - I don't want to go to the cops, my neighbor does. I think a talk to the parents is in order only because of his situation.

Now lets say he was a fully capable 21 yr old and he said this to 11 yr olds? That is a form of sexual harrassment to a minor. Very actionable.

Think not? Go try it out and get back to me. Just don't be calling me for bail money...

[gprsh924]

If this was a functioning 21yr old talking to 11yr old boys about banging his gf, they wouldn't be telling you about it.

Obviously there would still be something wrong with the situation.

[jhynesrockmtn]

I work at an agency that provides services for people with disabilities and went through some training for dealing with teens with autism and other cognitive disorders when I was volunteering. One of things stressed in the training was for the women and teen girl volunteers to wear "plenty" of clothing and be aware that the teen boys were often curious and could be sexually inappropriate. They don't have the filters others do when it comes to being discrete or really even knowing what they are talking about. They will translate things they see on tv, read, or hear about it into experiences they have had. Go to the parents with any concerns.

[m21sniper]

Lube your neighbor is a moron.

[aap1966]

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

...but he really only has the mental capability of an 8 year old - with raging hormones apparently........

Unfortunately, a potentially real bad situation.
Recent fatality in Queensland in very similar circumstances. 19 y.o. retarded man, 7 y.o. girl neighbour.
Talk to the parents, talk to your own kids
You've got a problem.

[RWebb]

tell the neighbor to contact the case worker as per above

not sure re TX, but in OR, many types of job holders are REQUIRED to report any type of sex or child abuse - and the defns are very open-ended -- if an attorney heard this while standing in line at the grocery store it would be reportable

so what does the neighbor do? they might be required to report to whatever agency deals with this

[BGCarrera32]

Originally Posted by berettafan

I seem to recall reading or hearing from somewhere that mental disability in certain forms can be accompanied by two things:
-sexual obsessiveness
-inability to deal with the above appropriately

So...like half of this forum then?