Originally Posted by nostatic
(Post 5312978)
A few years back after I separated, I was dating this wonderful woman who was 10 years younger than me (45 - 35). A lot of the relationship was downright amazing, and I credit her with literally saving me after many rough years. But one day we went to a picnic/party at the park next to LACMA. Almost all her friends/peers, some of whom I knew through work, others just through her. I had Calvin that weekend so I brought him along. While I had a great time, the nature of the problem crystalized. We were sitting around and her friends were talking about marriage (some recent), kids (one was pregnant, others thinking about it), careers (some of them just out of grad school), etc.
At that point I realized that I was just in a different point/phase of my life. I'd been down those roads (some of them a few times). And this wonderful woman that I was with hadn't yet traveled them. She totally deserved to walk those paths, but for some of them I'd btdt and was now somewhere else. I then understood the concept of two people needing to be "in-phase" on some/most of the elements of their lives in order to have things deeply work.
While there are exceptions, and everyone has somewhat different experiences, I believe that in general having a large age difference cannot be overcome in the end, unless one partner is willing and able to forgo part of their journey. And even if they are, that sacrifice may come back to bite them in the end (eg a woman who doesn't have kids because the guy already has them, or the guy who has kids at 55 and then can't really be part of their lives, etc).
ymmv, but that certainly has been my experience, and I've seen it happen with a lot of other couples. That and I find that often the old guy/young woman is all about the guy desperately trying to turn back the clock. Similar to using hair dye, etc. I really respect those that don't surrender to the years ("rage against the dying of the light"), but find a way to stay dignified and not look like a bad joke.
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