Empty Nesters - A question...

daepp · 05-12-2010, 07:04 PM

...life goes on, yes?

Oldest is heading off to college out of state - can you tell

Por_sha911 · Por_sha911's Garage

No. Life gets better.

ODDJOB UNO · ODDJOB UNO's Garage

kicking them outta the damn nest and making them flap their damn wings is whats hard!

harry chapin stated it very well in one of his songs.

cbush · 05-12-2010, 09:26 PM

Life goes on? Depends on how you and your wife approach it-some mothers have a hard time dealing with their "babies" leaving. You might have to help your wife through this.

For us, it was awesome! It is even better when they get out of college and start a life on their own. We redecorated their rooms, and made the whole house ours

We love our kids, and am very happy/relieved to see them making their own way. We stay in close touch via cell phone family plans--much more so than when we fled the nest 30 years ago.
Not only is my relationship with my wife that much better not having to deal with the daily stresses caused by the kids, but our relationship with our kids is that much better as the adult to adult relationship is much more rewarding.

Congratulations!

Jim Richards · 05-13-2010, 02:16 AM

It make take a year or two to get used to your new-found freedom, but then, you'll really enjoy it.

Crowbob · 05-13-2010, 02:36 AM

Watch out for bommerang kids.

widgeon13 · 05-13-2010, 05:20 AM

Sex in any room in the house!

Moses · 05-13-2010, 05:45 AM

My experience has been completely different.

My son left for college almost a year ago and I miss him every day. There's an empty seat at the dinner table and the noise and laughter he filled our house with is gone.

In a few months my daughter leaves for college as well and it will be a sad day for us. We will miss her terribly and the house will feel empty without her.

I've enjoyed the teen years more than any part of my kids lives. We've made a nice transition from pure parenting and we've all become close friends. Like all kids, my teens are opinionated, noisy and a little edgy. My wife and I love the energy they bring to our family. I'll admit I've been lucky. Our kids are not sullen and angry. We haven't dealt with drugs, tattoos or failing in school. They are not perfect, but I love their company.

My kids are leaving the nest just like they are supposed to, but we miss them every day. If I were rich, I'd buy them houses next to mine so they could live their lives closer to mom and dad.

widgeon13 · 05-13-2010, 06:19 AM

You aren't alone in those feelings, it's not easy seeing them go but they have a right and responsibility to move on in their lives. Both my wife and I have gotten great enjoyment out of watching the process after our efforts have been put in place during the formative years.

Our son will be 39 later this month, just married last September and now has a baby on the way. He never came back home and has always been gainfully employed but we were wondering for a number of years when he would outgrow some of the less mature habits, like staying out and hitting the bars until 3AM.

That stuff stopped when he fell in love and things have progressed nicely over the last 3 to 4 years. He's always been around on weekends and we love our daughter in law. It's great fun for us watching their relationship grow.

We are very fortunate that we have a great relationship with them as well as the in laws.

You are right in that seeing them go for the first time is one of the most difficult challenges in a parent's life but as time progresses, it's also one of the most rewarding memories.

Rikao4 · 05-13-2010, 06:47 AM

they never really 'leave you'...
they do get cheaper...

Rika

Joeaksa · 05-13-2010, 07:04 AM

Moses,

Thats an easy one!

Have more kids!

Joe A

Moses · 05-13-2010, 07:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joeaksa

Moses,

Thats an easy one!

Have more kids!

Joe A

That's what my wife said 10 years ago. We have a nine year old girl!

Seahawk · 05-13-2010, 07:49 AM

I may be in the minority as well, but I rue the day my children leave. It is of course right and necessary that they do, but I don't have to like it.

Once they are both on their way, I am downsizing like you read about: I simply cannot imagine working this place without my two Wingmen happily by my side.

Jim Richards · 05-13-2010, 07:55 AM

+1 Paul, however, after a year or two, you'll actually get used to the kid(s) being out of the house. When we got to that point, my wife and I started to feel like we were dating again.

Our kid is on the other side of the continent from us and we only get to see him sporadically (like two weeks ago

). Thank goodness for cell phones and email.

Sunroof · 05-13-2010, 07:56 AM

............don't kid yourself!

Most end up coming back to live with you for awhile. We have five kids between us (second marriage for us both) and ages range from 21 to 30. All finished college besides the 21 year old who is now a senior. One of the kids after college lost her job and had to temporarily move back in. One had an medical emergency a few years ago and ended up with us for over a year. It seems that kids in their twenties out there have more issues then in their teens! We thought once the last kid was gone, all would be quiet and we would enjoy the solitude, but............with this crazy economy and uncertainty you do not know what will happen next. My daughter just finished her masters in applied statistics and already they are talking of reducing staff in the department she works in. Guess where she will end up living for awhile?
You do what you have to do................so for now enjoy your solitude.

Bob

Paul_Heery · Paul_Heery's Garage

I've BTDT on a lot of things on this thread.

We sold our big house when my youngest was in his last year of college. We downsized to a two-bedroom townhouse. It was nice to get rid of all of the extra crap and have a brand-new place as well. We were empty-nesters and enjoyed it, but not to its fullest.

About nine months after he had graduated from college, my son needed to return home. So, I have had a boomerang child. His coming back for five months taught us a very valuable lesson, especially coming back to a smaller residence. My wife and I had become very comfortable and with my son being there, while welcome, was a bit of an intrusion.

Come around to today and we are really enjoying life. Both of my kids are out on their own and doing well. My wife and I, while we both still work full-time, are out and doing things. We go to at least one concert every month. We go to at least one Broadway show every month. We are exploring different restaurants. We take at least two trips every year. We speak to the kids often, and they come to see us when they can.

I'm enjoying it.

Hugh R · 05-13-2010, 08:10 AM

My daughter moved out for college 6 years ago, and I always enjoy when she visits. My son is still at home at 21. I get along fine with him, but tired of him leaving his crap all over the place. Then again, my 81 y/o MIL lives with us and in the kitchen doesn't put ANYTHING away.

Dueller · 05-13-2010, 08:15 AM

Many of you are familiar with my crazy dynamic with the steptwins in particular. I won't bore you with the past or present details. Well, they are "home" for the summer. I use the term loosely as the house is essentially a closet/storage unit until they return to college. In a nutshell they are virtually never here, including at night. The exception was that we were away for 3 nights and they had a small group of friends over on each of those evenings. But when we returned the house was immaculate and thy added quite a bounty to the aluminum recycling bin.

They usually text their mom about 11 p.m. to let her know they won't be in. While I think they are being manipulative and taking advantage of us, it seems to be just fine with my wife. While initially stressing over it, I've come to the conclusion that its a good thing...I don't have to see them or put up with their drama. Rather than crawling on them about it, the next time they are in for the evening, I'm thinking about asking them to go elsewhere so I can defile their mom in the dining room.

I chit you not.

gprsh924 · 05-13-2010, 08:17 AM

Having just graduated, I think that my mom is happy to have me home for a few months, while I can not wait to move out. I start work in the middle of June. Once that happens, I will be gone all day everyday and then will head to the lake on the weekends, so I decided to post-pone moving out until August so I don't throw money away on rent for a place that I will spend almost zero time in.

While she is happy to have the kids home, I think she and my dad both got pretty used to the empty house with both kids away at school this year. There still isn't really any food in the fridge/pantry.

ODDJOB UNO · ODDJOB UNO's Garage

i flat out told my (2) meatheads to get the HELL OUT! get a JOB, pay for your cell,your insurance,your ammo,your food, your gas etc.

ages 22 and 24. the older one gets the equation. the younger does not.

the younger one is hating life. the older one just bought a nicer toyota truck than the younger ones toyota truck. the younger one feels that everythang should be handed to him on a silver platter.

example and i freeking quote " i'm not going racing with dad unless i get to drive this weekend!"

now considering the fastest hes ever been in his life has only been with me driving, i dont think that qualifies him for "driver status". now considering hes too lazy to even help out on this event, he screwed himself out of a damn good time and at the least some "shotgun" time at mach speed on a private track.

i dont feel sorry for him in the least.

i have been working since i was 12.....................................and im now 52.