Friday Joke Time

[M.D. Holloway]

5000 men were surveyed as to why they like blowjobs.

1% liked the warmth.
2% liked the sensation.
3% liked the eroticism.
94% just liked the peace and quiet.

[Jeff Higgins]

Presidents Obama and Bush found themselves in the same barbershop one afternoon for a haircut and a shave. Sitting at opposite ends of the shop from one another, there was a palpable tension in the air. The two barbers were a bit afraid to even start any small talk, so they did their work in silence.

When they were done, they both grabbed bottles of aftershave from the shelf and began rubbing it on their hands.

"Oh, no - none for me, thank you" said President Obama. "Michelle will think I've been in a whorehouse."

Overhearing that, President Bush exclaimed "go right ahead; I like the smell of that stuff. Besides, Barbara has no idea what the inside of a whorehouse smells like".

[Superman]

As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."



"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."



"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Irishman, "back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on the house!"



The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. "Did this actually happen to you?"



"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

[Heel n Toe]

An Irishman moves to America and attends his first baseball game.

The first batter approached the batters' box, took a few swings, and then hits
a double. Everyone jumps to their feet screaming, "Run, runnnnn!!!!"

The next batter hits a single and the Irishman listened as the crowd again
cheered, "Run, runnnnn!!!!"

The Irishman enjoyed the game and began screaming with the fans.

The fifth batter came up and four balls went by. The umpire called "Walk!"
and the batter started his slow trot to first base. The Irishman stood up
and screamed, "R-r-r-run ye bastard, run!!!!!"

The people around him began laughing. Embarrassed, the Irishman sat back
down. A friendly fan noted the man's embarrassment, leaned over and
explained; "He can't run. He's got four balls."

The Irishman stood up and screamed, "Walk with pride, lad!"

[dad911]

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a. m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, “I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body”.

The officer then asks, “Really? Who will be giving a lecture at this time of night?”

The man replies, “My wife.”

[HardDrive]

What to gay horses eat?


Hey, HEY, hey!!!! *triple snap*