Why I'm depressed:

[Racerbvd]

Why I'm depressed:

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your
asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare payments were introduced) President Roosevelt said, "Lay down
your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, the present economy has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and
mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, diminished savings,
Social Security, ruined retirement funds, immigration, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hot-line and had to press 1 for English.

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck

[Evans, Marv]

Too funny, Byron!

[porsche911girl]

That's really funny! Thanks for posting that!

[tevake]

HA HA Byron!! funny wrap up to that post. Definitely made me shift gears.

[DARISC]

Guy down the block took Moses' advice, mounted his camel and is now in the slammer serving time for bestiality.

[artplumber]

Originally Posted by DARISC

Guy down the block took Moses' advice, mounted his camel and is now in the slammer serving time for bestiality.

Weird taste for that guy. They spit and don't take showers. Just like the...

[M.D. Holloway]

Bad camel, good camels don't tell...

[DARISC]

Originally Posted by artplumber

...and don't take showers...

Yeah, smelled so bad he had to keep it in a field, a mile away - no road to it, just a foot path.

Originally Posted by LubeMaster77

Bad camel, good camels don't tell...

Yeah, he was real disappointed.

He walked a mile for that camel.

I think it was a bactrian, in which case the poor dumbass got double-humped.

[DARISC]

That happened years ago. He served his time, was released, and they moved away, taking their menagerie of farm animals with them.

They were an odd couple. But not one you'd make a movie about...well, nowadays, they might comprise the makin's of some kind o' wierd reality show.

His wife was...obese. Actually, when you saw her for the first time, she was soooo obese that you might cry out in astonishment, Oh, beast!

They may have been wierd, but they had the saving grace (in my book) of loving animals. They had a special affection for donkeys and they both had one for a personal pet. The sad thing is that the wife overfed her donkey as she did herself and her donkey was easily distinguishable from her husband's by virtue of its obesity.

But they loved all of their animals. She even forgave the camel for ratting out her husband (they even loved rats! ).

While the husband was in the slammer, she took very good care of the camel.

It was an amazing sight to behold. Every day that he was gone, she'd tie her fat ass to a tree and walk a mile to feed that camel. Unnnnnnnbelievable!

[Joe Bob]

Camel's lie worse than sheep.....goats, ya can't understand the accent.

[DARISC]

Originally Posted by Joe Bob

Camel's lie worse than sheep.....goats, ya can't understand the accent.

Eh, eh, eh, eh?

[Joe Bob]

Yes, Goats are Canadian.....

[DARISC]

Originally Posted by Joe Bob

Yes, Goats are Canadian.....

I'm not one to be sheepish about making fun of Canadians, but, that is just...
bah, ah, ah, ad.

[Joe Bob]

So, Normy was dating this Eastern Goat and was seen by a few pilots who immediately laughed at him.

Normy got miffed and said, "hey you guys date Eastern goats too!!!!"

He then proceeded to the scantron.....the gate attendant whispered in his ear....."Normy, ya gots an uglee one....and it has a landing gear"

[DARISC]

Originally Posted by Joe Bob

So, Normy was dating this Eastern Goat and was seen by a few pilots who immediately laughed at him....

I heard about that. It wasn't just an Eastern goat; it was a Middle Eastern goat!

You think the few pilots were laughing?

You shoulda' heard the few Arabs that was close by in the approximate near-by proximity; now they were really laughing...lasciviously, as only lascivious Arabs can laugh (Arabs eat their dates, you know).

[rnln]

Originally Posted by Racerbvd

Why I'm depressed:

Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your
asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare payments were introduced) President Roosevelt said, "Lay down
your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Today, the present economy has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of camels and
mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, the economy, the wars, lost jobs, diminished savings,
Social Security, ruined retirement funds, immigration, etc . . . I called a Suicide Hot-line and had to press 1 for English.

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck

[widgeon13]

Thanks, I needed that.

[Zeke]

New twist to an old joke.

You guys were on a roll last night. The thread is as finny as the joke.

[DARISC]

Originally Posted by milt

...The thread is as finny as the joke.

[jpachard]

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare payments were introduced) President Roosevelt said, "Lay down
your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."

Umm, sorry, Roosevelt never said that. Way to put down someone who guided our country through WWII and did a fine job. Did he do things I didn't agree with, sure but then I don't know any politician who is perfect.

If it wasn't for his leadership along with our Allies leadership and the countless lives lost to protect our freedoms, we might be typing this conversation in German.

Regards, James