How to explain death to a 5 year old?

fastfredracing · 01-03-2011, 08:21 AM

In the last year, my boy has lost his grandfather who lived with us until his death, his great grandmother, and just today "Wicked" who is grandma's black cat. My kid loved this cat, and my son is the only person that this cat would go near without attacking, hence the name wicked.
He clearly did not understand what happenend when pap pap did not come home, and was equally upset at the passing of great grandma. Now , he is asking a ton of questions, and you can tell that this is bothering his little brain.
Tough part of life, I remember being scared of death right after my grandfather passed.

mikeferg75 · mikeferg75's Garage

Can't help you with the human aspect of your situation, but I found the book "the rainbow bridge" really helped with our then 5 year old and the passing of our dog.

stomachmonkey · 01-03-2011, 08:30 AM

Be honest and upfront. It is what it is.

Both my kids had to deal with the lose of grandfather, great grandmother, pets at a young age. The oldest right in at around 5.

Though they do not like death they both accept it for what it is.

Asking questions at that age is natural and healthy.

It's when they clam up and internalize that you've got something to worry about.

Instrument 41 · 01-03-2011, 09:00 AM

Been through this recently. Know that kids don't view death in the same way that adults do. Be honest with them and let them know that they are gone but in a better place. After a brief explanation they will be fine and move on. Be ready because this may open up other questions from them that may leave you blind sided. Just be truthful with them, but mindful of how you tell them certain things. Kids teach us so much about life.

Crowbob · 01-03-2011, 09:21 AM

After you explain it to your son, please explain it to me.

fastfredracing · 01-03-2011, 09:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowbob

After you explain it to your son, please explain it to me.

That is exactly what my lady said. She is still trying to get over the loss of her father .

azasadny · azasadny's Garage

It's tough, but it's a lesson we have to learn and relearn. When my grandfather died(he lived with us the last few months), I had the kids say "goodbye" and they learned a little more each day what missing someone (or a beloved pet) really means. No way to insulate them from the hurt, but have them focus on happier times...

arcsine · 01-03-2011, 10:37 AM

My 8 year old has had a grandfather, great grandmother, two beloved great danes and a captured cricket die in her young life. We have tried to be as honest as possible that life is fragile and we all have to go sometime. We did read a book, "Saying Goodbye to Lulu" that helped her with the death of the dogs.

McLovin · 01-03-2011, 12:10 PM

Of course, it depends on what YOU think death is.

You may want to refer your son to the ITAG (Is There A God?) thread for guidance.

If that seems a bit much, in summary, the answer to the question ranges from "It's just blackness, baby" to "If you are a good boy you get to go to heaven, where all your dead relatives, pets, etc. will be to greet you." What you tell him is up to you.

Christien · Christien's Garage

My wife's grandmother died just a couple months ago. Our girls are 4 and 2 and both knew her as well as they could at that age - spent lots of time with her, etc. Our youngest of course is too young to understand, but our 4-year-old had to have it explained to her. I think it's actually easier at that age than maybe 5 or 6, because they're old enough to understand some of it, but not really emotionally aware enough to feel a sense of pain and loss. So now she understands what death is, and that it means you're gone forever, which will hopefully make the next loss a bit easier for her.

Oh Haha · 01-03-2011, 02:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Instrument 41

Been through this recently. Know that kids don't view death in the same way that adults do. Be honest with them and let them know that they are gone but in a better place. After a brief explanation they will be fine and move on. Be ready because this may open up other questions from them that may leave you blind sided. Just be truthful with them, but mindful of how you tell them certain things. Kids teach us so much about life.

This sums up how we dealt with the death of my wife's Grandmother last Feb. My kids are the last "new" kids in the family so they grew close. When she passed away we planted a tree in the backyard for "G-Ma".

I think that your beliefs should help guide in WHAT you tell the kids.

MMARSH · MMARSH's Garage

This is something I fear I will have to do in the future as well. My kids are very close to my parents and my mothers health hasn't been to good recently.....Frankly, I'm not sure how I will deal with it. I'm 43 and have never had to deal with the death of a loved one.....

nynor · 01-03-2011, 08:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crowbob

After you explain it to your son, please explain it to me.

damn. me too.

DanielDudley · 01-04-2011, 02:21 AM

MY Grandfather always said that death was a natural part of life. It is natures way of allowing for change and new life.

If we keep people alive in our hearts, they can never really die . In time we remember the good things and we can smile about them. Nobody has to keep sorrow in their hearts forever, to prove how much they love someone. Try to be happy the way those that have passed would want you to, because love never dies.

It is OK to cry, and it is OK to smile too. Remember the love, and look for it in life.

Oh Haha · 01-04-2011, 02:43 AM

Well said, Daniel.

That's almost exactly what we told our kids about "G-Ma".

HardDrive · 01-04-2011, 08:03 AM

I don't understand this thread.

First off, fastfredracing, and I sorry for you loss.

My wifes father died this year. We went to see him on his death bed. He was unconcious and in bad shape. It was a grim scene (dirty government hospital in Northern India). Our 6 year old daughter was with us.

She asked if grandpa was going to get better, and we said no, that he was going to die. She accepted this because we have never presented death as something unnatural.

I will never understand Americans thinking that death is some sort of natural or 'bad' event'. Should one avoid death if possible? Well of course. Everyone cherishes their life. And those around them cherish their life. But it is not a question of 'if', but rather of 'when'.

I am 41 years old. If I am lucky, I will get another 40-50 years on this earth, and then I will die. Why should I avoid this? Why should we avoid talking about this? When you accept that nature of our human lives, when you accept death, there is tremendous freedom. There is no longer some evil boogyman lurking out there in the distance.