Personal Rules for The USA Farm Country...

[M.D. Holloway]

Rules for The USA Farm Country...

1. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Turn your cap right, your head ain't crooked.

3. Let's get this straight: it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

4. They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-10 & I-40 go east and west, I-17 & I-15 goes north and south. Pick one and go.

5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 Combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

6. Every person here waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of geese/pheasants/ducks/doves are comin' in during a hunt, we WILL shoot it outta your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

10. We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah ... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

13. You bring 'Coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

16. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!

[Head416]

I'm longing for the day when I move away from the SoCal suburbs to this ^ place.

[Joe Bob]

I see some asshat gave this a one star...fixed it.

[vash]

funny stuff.

but the best sushi i had was streamside. freshly caught, and my buddy had the sensiblity to pack wasabi, soy sauce and ginger..i ate it on a sheet of driftwood. we were both dressed in camo!!

[M.D. Holloway]

First time I ever had it I was on a dock off the Thames River in Connecticut. I forgot my lunch and tried some snapper (young Bluefish). Alsways been a fan of 'snapper'.

[oldE]

17. We have a deal if we've 'shook'. I don't need to see your name on a contract. I know who you you are, where you live and who your Pappy is. If I didn't know those things, I wouldn't have 'shook'.

[Gogar]

Rules from the other guy:

1. When you come to our city and get lost, please do not slow down at every intersection and look at your map and squint and look at the street sign, then continue straight. In fact, we suggest that you not look at the map at all while driving.

2. When you are walking on the sidewalk, please look in front of you. Do not look up in the air at the purdy buildings, or 90 degrees to the left or right.

3. We applaud you for your relaxed pace in walking. However, if you choose to do so, please move to the inside edge of the sidewalk, nearer to the purdy buildings and windows.

[wdfifteen]

Cant' we all just get along?

[Jeff Higgins]

Isn't it odd how the country boy can go to the city, and while many may find him amusing, he will do nothing to offend anyone, but when the city boy goes to the country, no one finds him amusing and he offends everyone he meets?

[Gogar]

In the city, it's called "tolerance." In the country, they call it "put-uppance."

No one should put up with those stupid baggy pants and the sideways hat anywhere, though.

[stomachmonkey]

Rules from the other guy:

1. When you come to our city and get lost, please do not slow down at every intersection and look at your map and squint and look at the street sign, then continue straight. In fact, we suggest that you not look at the map at all while driving.

2. When you are walking on the sidewalk, please look in front of you. Do not look up in the air at the purdy buildings, or 90 degrees to the left or right.

3. We applaud you for your relaxed pace in walking. However, if you choose to do so, please move to the inside edge of the sidewalk, nearer to the purdy buildings and windows.

4. Hello how are you is not an invitation for a lengthy conversation. We are just being polite. We really don't care how you are.

5. Have your cash in hand ready to pay. Don't wait to hear your total before digging in your wallet/purse for 4 $1 dollar bills and 93cents in change, hand over a 5 and leave. There are people waiting behind you that have places to go and things to do. Oh, and refresh yourself on #4.

6. When walking in the city please do not impede foot traffic by standing at the corner waiting for the little hand to turn from Red to White. With 50 people in the intersection with you your odds of being run down are fairly small. If you stop your odds of being shoved out of the way into the path of a delivery truck will be fairly high. Refresh yourself on the last part of #5.

7. Fold your damn Pizza, you look like an idiot any other way. And unless your are 5 years old a fork and knife are not necessary.

8. When I'm visiting you don't ask me if I know your friend Joe. No, I don't know Joe Bob either.

9. Don't spit on our streets or subway platforms, we don't like it. If you must have a face full of chew bring a spit cup.

[Joe Bob]

Everybody knows a Joe Bob....

[sammyg2]

Thank you for reminding me why I hate going to L.A. but like going to the country. (and why I've never been to new york and prolly never will.)

[oldE]

The City rules serve to remind me why I hate cities, or at least the people who think they are so important that the rules of polite civilization should not apply to them.

Sad, isn't it?

My wife and I are self-professed 'country mice'. I tend to feel sorry for people who have to deal with crowds every day.

To each their own.
Les

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by sammyg2

(and why I've never been to new york and prolly never will.)

Why, you dislike diversity and culture?

Your lose.

[VINMAN]

Originally Posted by sammyg2

. (and why I've never been to new york and prolly never will.)

I dont blame ya!

[stomachmonkey]

Originally Posted by oldE

The City rules serve to remind me why I hate cities, or at least the people who think they are so important that the rules of polite civilization should not apply to them.

Les

Actually the rules for polite civilization are simply different in a large city. You can't be self important. It messes with the flow, the pulse, interferes with others.

A lot of people think NY'rs are rude. They really are not. They are a friendly bunch of people.

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Why, you dislike diversity and culture?

Your lose.

My lose? LOL.

[Tim Hancock]

I will NEVER live in a city again. I grew up with woods and farm fields around me. I did the city thing for about 6 years..... It was fun when I was college age... bar hopping... chasing tail. Now I would not trade my freedom to do what I want on my rural property for anything. I still work in the city, but I simply could not even imagine "living" there anymore.

[dafischer]

Originally Posted by olde

the city rules serve to remind me why i hate cities, or at least the people who think they are so important that the rules of polite civilization should not apply to them.

Sad, isn't it?

My wife and i are self-professed 'country mice'. I tend to feel sorry for people who have to deal with crowds every day.

To each their own.smilewavy
les

+1,000