I think the reason this bothers you is because you aren't sure what happened, so you are not sure how you will prevent it from happening again.

But you WILL prevent it from happening again, won't you ? And you will resolve to make sure it doesn't happen again, right this minute.

IMO, you have good reflexes. That is a darned good thing.

I'm glad that you're not hurt. It is never good when someone dies at a young age. Of course, the term "young age" takes a different meaning the older I get...
We all have an instinctive desire to avoid death. Eating right, exercise, be careful, do certain things in moderation... The question is not if we will die but when. I think that the real question you need to answer is how do you feel about your mortality and what do you believe happens next? The only person you must give the answer to is yourself.

Two things really bothered me about this.

First, that I was mentally committed to the move. Based on some of the comments, I think I've successfully communicated the fact that I was going. The brain told the legs to go. The stop was all reflex. The time that passed from the former to the latter was truly a tiny fraction of a second. That's what give me the "I think I'm going to be sick" feeling I'm having right now just thinking about it. "Close call" just doesn't begin to do it justice. The odd thing about the reflexive stop was that my conscious self was confused about why I wasn't in the street. I could see the headlights I was looking for, at the distance I expected... only I was looking at them through the windshield of the Chevy. It took a bit to process what had happened.

The second bothersome detail is that the outcome, had I gone, is sickeningly clear. It wasn't a question of would/could the driver slow, stop, or swerve. Not a chance. The certainty of the outcome makes it easy to imagine how things would have unfolded in great detail. Yes, that's torturous for sure, and hard to turn off. But, as Marcus pointed out, there's a reason for that. Happen again? Not a chance. The lesson has been learned.

I can think back to various close calls I've had in my life - as a daredevil kid, teenage dirt biker, teen driver, overall car guy, sport biker, etc. I can dredge up various events from those categories, but none were in same league as this by any stretch. At this point I can only say I've had only one truly close call in my life.

A little post script: My running partner, Joe, was ahead and to the left of me and saw the car. He was yelling something - can't even be sure what, but I wasn't really conscious of this. Joe was originally more disturbed by this whole thing than I was. He told me that when he was a kid, the school's crossing guard was killed by a speeding car, right in front of him. Joe said that based on my body language that he was absolutely sure he was about to see me suffer the same fate.

I truly appreciate the comments and kind words. They, along with just having a place to put all this down in print, has helped immensely. SmileWavy

I had a close call a few weekends ago on my sunday morning commute to fly my model airplanes up in the valley.

I was shook up about it for some of the same reasons you are shook up - you didn't see if coming and didn't continuously react.

Well - mine I swear I must have missed by a layer of paint...I was coming from one freeway offramp onto the main freeway north bound. I was crossing over to get to the HOV lane (by myself - have HOV stickers). As I am changing lanes from the right to the left I'm doing the dance. Looking forward, over the shoulder, signal, forward, over the shoulder. It's early on Sunday - there isn't much traffic. I just like to get in the HOV lane and slow down to 45 mph and piss everyone off (just kidding). So as I'm going from one lane to the next and I look forward at about 70mph a car on the right whizzes by me - he's at a dead stop in the lane I had just exited and I never saw him.

Holy crap. I would have hit that car dead on at 70mph...

I stopped, called CHP to get the car off the road and then drove to my destination where I sat there for a bit. My buddy was like 'you alright'...it was scary. I don't feel like I'm a bad or unsafe driver. I have been doing this a while now and I wasn't not looking - I just didn't see it. Uncool.

Reliving this experience in graphic, gut-wrenching detail, is absolutely normal. We all do this. My unprofessional opinion is that human beings are "hard wired" to relive our near-misses in great detail so that we do not repeat that behavior again. We are a weak species with a long lifespan and slow procreation (compared to, say a rabbit - octomom excluded). To keep us alive for long enough to be viable within the gene pool, we need some safe guards. Our vivid memories and our ability to learn from near-misses ensures that we will survive.

Reliving this means that you are normal. Well, as normal as any of us who hang out here! ;)

angela

^^^ This

Most of my near death experiences were crazy teen&early 20's shenanigans that could have ended very badly and thus lost in the memory banks.

Don't want to be captain obvious but remember 3rd grade? Stop, look, and listen... as in don't run across the highway in the middle of the night.

Glad to hear you are OK.

I was 8 y/o, shooting my .22LR unsupervised at a home-made backstop in the basement. Fired, heard an impact behind my head, figured out the bullet had come back the length of the garage, missing my head by about 6", to strike the wall behind me. I still think about that today. A never-forgotten lesson in firearms safety. Had a couple of driving lessons of the same ilk. Look on the positive side - you are a safer and smarter man thanks to your near-death experience.

Reminds me of my first step off of a curb in London some 40 years ago. The mirror of a double decker bus wiped the excitement right off my face. Glad you're still with us.

Lee,
This took place a week ago today, in broad daylight, on a corner I drive through daily. I'd say it these can be explained by something to do with the mind-set of a serious runner. Way too focused in this case.
It was not your time to go - just a good wake up call, I'd say.

Take care, friend.

Runner Scott Birk killed in crash

Good you didn't get hurt. Now you also understand why there is such a thing as Critical Incident Stress Management. Every ATC will have it offered to him after a near-miss or other significant incident. It does help to talk (which you just did).

sailing.
 

I was sailing back from Michigan to Chicago on Lake Michigan at night in a forty ft. sloop.We had been racing and the crew was tired and asleep down below.A squall came out of the north with no warning and we got knocked down.We had a full main and jib and in an instant we had the rail in the water in a full knock down and I had the helm.I was standing on the side of the cockpit with my hand holding the windward stantion and trying to push the tillar down to come up into the wind.Guys were falling out of bunks and screaming "come up,come up".Easier said then done.Wind was at somewhere in the sixtie mile an hour range in the dark and water spraying horizontally in your face.Boat took what seamed like forever to respond,but i really thought it was over as we were taking water into the cabin through the open hatchway.Thought I was Done.Found out the next day three boats had been demasted.No one lost,but it made an impression that has lasted 50 years!

Someone mentioned motorcycles. I was riding along a RR right of way when I decided to climb the banking of gravel that supports the tracks. Went up and back down. Just as I turned to come back down a train whizzed by. I was riding a 2-stroke dirt bike with a off road exhaust. I never heard that train. Felt the wind though.

I stopped breathing as a newborn and was declared dead. Came back to life a little later on.

Thought I'd share.

I was riding my bike to baseball practice in college. Perfect afternoon. Ride to the gym, dress and go.

Never made it. I was t-boned by a small car that ran a red light. Witnesses, there were many, said I flew almost twenty feet in the air from the point of impact. My left leg was shattered, as was my left foot.

I did stick the landing.

I carry the scars and lumps: I'll never be a left leg model:cool:

Here I am...and so are you.

I look both ways at almost every light - no matter how long it has been green. I have zero faith in humanity. It was a habbit I started doing in my 914 (a t-bone in that car is death) and have carried it over to any modern car I drive.

Well I do to, now:D

Changed my life.

I would have to agree that it was a close call experience and not a near death which believe me is a real life changer. In 2004 I had a massive DVT in my right leg that was misdiagnosed by my GP and two cardiac specialists. The DVT broke up one day and clogged my Pulmonary artery by 98% and I had two large blood clots in my heart, one in each chamber. Laying on a hospital bed and having a pulmonary specialist walk in with a priest and an angel (a specialized nurse that attends the dying) and being told I had a 2% chance of walking out of the hospital was a sobering experience to say the least. The priest wanted to give me last rights and I told him I was not ready. The doctor offered me a 50% chance by using an experimental drug that was used as a clot buster for stroke patients but had not been used for anything like I had. I figured 50% was better than 2% so I went for it. For a half an hour my life hung in a balance waiting to see if the drug worked and I used the time to phone my mom and children to say goodbye in case it didn't work. Through the miracle of modern chemistry all the clots were dissolved and I live a healthy life today enjoying my daughter, my grand daughter, my son in law and my friends. Every year in October I celebrate another year of life and being a one percenter (actually less than one percent ever survive what I had) and other than that don't think much about that day.

We were 15 years old skateboarding down the sidewalk. We wanted to cross the street so the group of us stopped, grabbed our boards, looked both ways and started to run across the street. My friend Jason was the first person crossing and I was the second only 6 feet behind him. A car came out of nowhere and my friend got struck. He flew onto the hood then hit the wind shield and flew 15 feet into the air spinning around like a rag doll and landed on the grass beyond the sidewalk on the other side of the road.

I do not know why we didn't see the car. None of us in the group saw the car until it was too late. The old couple in the car was not speeding or doing anything out of the ordinary. We must have just all had our blinders on?

Jason had a long recovery and was never the same again. He has permanent physical and brain injuries which allow him to barely live on his own.

Glad you are still with us.

Speedy:)

Wow.

lee.

so glad your reflexes are not krap!! damn glad you paid attention to your spidey senses..