Having trouble putting a near-death experience behind me; how I almost died last week
 

I've had my fair share of "Boy, that was close" moments in my life. Usually I just assume it wasn't my time and move on. Example: I recently replaced a ballast in a fluorescent light fixture at a friends office. Despite every near-by light being off when we flipped the breakers, we found out the one I was working on was on a different circuit. I generally work on electricity like it's hot anyway. This time it really was. A little scary, but no problem.

Well last week I nearly screwed up for the last time. I feel sick just thinking about it and have literally lost a fair amount of sleep over it.

As it's 105 degrees here during the day, a friend and I go running at night. There's a great path through some parks close by, but it crosses a 4 lane divided road sans cross-walk. As I was coming to the crossing I could see the east-bount lanes were absolutely clear. While I was crossing those lanes I started looking right to see if there are any cars coming west-bound. I saw headlights off in the distance, but way off. If I hurry there should be plenty of time to safely cross the median and two lanes before they're a hazard. The median is full of saguaros and various desert shrubs all surrounded by gravel. I accelerated as started across the gravel to give myself plenty of time to beat the cars. I'm still tracking the headlight through the landscaping. They are closer, but not too close. As I'm about to launch myself into the road my view to the right is suddenly filled with headlights and windshield. There is a car in the lane closest to me about 30 feet away traveling at about 50mph. :eek:

The toes of my running shoes were literally hanging off of the curb by the time I slid to a stop in the gravel, a fair amount of which ended up in the road. If I had launched off the median, which I almost did, I doubt my feet would have landed on the blacktop before I would have been hit. Since I couldn't see the car, I'm confident the driver never saw me. There was no honking, swerving, or braking.

Despite my best mental efforts to do otherwise, I've run the event through my head hundreds of times trying to figure out how I missed the closer car, but saw those in the distance. I don't know if the saguaros thoroughly blocked the headlights or if the driver only turned them on as he approached. The street is well lit and I've often seen cars coming down this road with their lights off as they leave the commercial section near by... a thought that really bothers me since I've only really been looking for headlights when we do this run.

I'm happy I didn't end up in the back seat of the Chevy via the windshield, but I'm still having some issues putting this one out of my mind. After staying up late last night I woke up at 5:30 and had trouble shutting down the mental replay, which always ends with me under, over, or through the car. I tell myself that I didn't launch because I saw the car, and I saw the car because I looked. But, I also know how very close I was to leaping into the road and dying. Not trying to sound dramatic, but it's just a fact.

Sorry for the long story. Ignoring it hasn't worked, so I'm hoping that putting all the details down here will result in some mental relief. You can bet I'll be way more cautious on future runs along this route.

Time will pass and you'll put this behind you. Is going on a short trip or holiday an option? Take the misses with you and have fun doing something physical or uplifting.
Do you have something you're passionate about? Like photography or hiking???

Meanwhile.. Keep running. Exercise is always positive.

This really grabbed me, Lee. My memory is still hanging on to a few near death encounters, a couple of them over twenty years old by now. I have a lousy memory in general but these incidents are for ever imprinted in my memory bank with tremendous detail. I think the sinking feelings and sleeping difficulties is very apt for survival. We live day to day as if we are invincible. Thinking of death, end of our own life, as remote. Then, in a flash second, there it is. The sudden, completely unexpected, end of me - myself, I that defines the world. A complete and utterly unexpected turn of events. Not imaginable. One more meter, one more second - a complete random coincidence - and I would at this moment no more exist. Not unexpectedly, the brain will take this extremely seriously and process this situation thoroughly.

One SCUBA Accident last year will haunt me forever....

And then last friday while hiking, fitting a slipped rib(unknown at the time) I was pushing WAY too hard fighting the difficulty breathing, I started seeing lights and nearly fell down about a 200ft rockslide with a 50lb pack on....

Lee, I was almost shot in the head. Had the bullet hit the tree stump 1" higher, it would have not hit enough meat of the stump. Fell 20', landed on my shoulder and head, tearing all the ligaments in my shoulder apart. Hit by a car....

It'll pass. In the beginning, you do replay it over and over. Pretty natural.

Hang in there! :)

Running is not healthy for you. Running at night is downright dangerous. Do you wear a headlight?

I used to run, had a few close calls. Glad you stopped in time.

Do U learn from your mistakes...how many of your 9 lives have you used up? It does seem that you don't pay atention and keep finding/putting yourself in these dangerous situations.

Sidney...tell us about the SCUBA accident. I am a diver as well, and I like to hear about everything that can go wrong, so that I can consciously store it in memory for when I am under the water.

JA

Was it just dumb luck that you didn't jump, the hand of fate or divine providence? Think about it for awhile. Let it sink in. This event should change you if ever so slightly. I tmight make you appreciate what you have, and that is the abiltiy to draw a breath of air. Moreover you don't have to struggle to suck in that breath to stay alive. You might want to think about what is important to you in life and to acknowledge that you are merely a mortal being.

Lee, surviving a near death experience is one of the few things I know much about and can share advice about.

Exactly ten years ago this summer, when my now 16 year old son was 6, he almost drowned in a local lake while attending a YMCA day camp. Alex was a shy kid and my wife was a safety freak, and this was the first time we let him out of our sight. Alex was a little afraid of water and refused to get his face wet to begin with. My wife interrogated the poor staff person who signed us up, but she swore up and down about how good their safety program was, and that was what the Y was best at.

The last day of the week-long day camp they took the kids to a public beach at a local lake. It turns out there were 15 or so kids and one counselor. The counselor took a bathroom break and lost Alex.

We pieced together what happened over the next several years as Alex was more comfortable talking about it and remembered more. Apparently he was playing with another boy by climbing the back of a bigger boy and jumping off his shoulders. The last time he jumped away from shore instead of toward shore and went in over his head. No one noticed.

He would have died except that three young teen girls were marching up and down the lake, arms around each other's necks, at about their neck level in the water. They were just playing, but they couldn't have been more suited for a rescue line if they had tried. One of them stepped on Alex. At first she thought that it was a kid playing, but when he didn't move she had the presence of mind to borrow a friend's goggles and look down. She and her friends started screaming for the lifeguard, who promptly ignored them. The little girl reached down and dragged Alex out on her own.

By the time they got him to the beach he was fully unconscious and blue. We never figured out whether the girl dragging him up by his stomach caused him to spontaneously resuscitate, or if the lifeguard finally got to him and started working on him before he started vomiting on his own. I've never read the police report. Some things you just don't want to know.

He came to quickly. After a terrifying night in the Peds ICU, he was given a complete bill of health. He's had some slight issues with executive functioning over the years, but he's largely grown out of it. Otherwise, he's fine. The shore patrol guy who took over for the lifeguard told me that he's never had a case where the kid was so far gone and was brought back without serious injury. The doc told me if Alex was fully unconscious and blue, he had to have been under for at least five minutes. The shore patrol guy told me the problem is that you have to be able to realize someone is gone, locate AND resuscitate them, all within the 5-7 minutes before the brain starts to die. The doc told me they've had pretty good results in fresh water drownings up to almost 10 minutes. Although upon further questioning, he admitted that his idea of good results and mine are different.

They wouldn't let us check out of the hospital until we had done one session of family counseling and one individual meeting for Alex. That's what saved us. We went back for several more counseling sessions. I can't explain why it is that being so close to the bullet but having it miss is so traumatic, and I can't explain why it is that talking about how close it was and getting the "what if" off your chest makes such a big difference. But it does.
Ultimately, we had planned a family vacation the next week anyway. That, combined with the counseling was what got us through. Just staying together, talking it through, and taking time to appreciate how lucky we were.
You have to talk it through and make some sense of it yourself in your own mind. You can't hide it, it's too big. You have to talk it over and work through it with people.

Shock coming out, its how we learn


well it worked for me when I crashed off a bridge onto railway line,
somehow missing the power lines a couple of years back,

I'd be remiss not echo the headlight mentioned earlier

please forgive me

When I was a runner, I always wore an orange and yellow reflective mesh vest if I was going to be out when it got at all dark. But man, around here, I see cars every single night driving with no headlights on. Every single night. Where the hell are the cops? I would never jog at night here. It's very dangerous. It's bad enough that AZ has no annual vehicle safety inspections, so there are countless cars with all three brake lights out, probably without the driver even knowing it. But I don't know what causes this phenomenon of driving in total darkness with no headlights on and why the cops don't do something about it.

When I was very young I died, saw the light, etc. The whole scenario. Better than any feeling a person could ever imagine. If I focused on it I'd be consumed by it, but I can say I do not fear death in any way.
Put it behind you. if it'll help do a bunch of volunteer work.
Even if it doesn't help you it'll help someone else.

Thanks much for all the support. It was extremely difficult and painful (but seemingly helpful) to consider the event at that level of detail.

Markus - Thank you for your post. I think you nailed the issue. I'm typically methodical and logical in life. Those traits have served me well, but I was not in that mode that night. My initial response to the situation was to deny the seriousness of what happened and to look for external reasons (headlights off?) as the cause. After typing all that out last night I admitted to myself that I was running while distracted (lymph node issue, heavy work load) and it almost cost me my life.

Yes, the mental replay is my brain's attempt to get my attention. Last night I also admitted to myself that I was truly a fraction of a second from horrific death, the reason I was a fraction of a second from death was because I didn't verify it was safe to cross, and I'm confident I won't ever be in that position again while running. And, I slept much better.

Tabs - I don't think it was luck as much as it was really good reflexes. My final glance right wasn't a conscious look to see if the road was clear as much as it was to verify what I had decided while still in the other lanes - that I had plenty of time.

MRM - Can't imagine going through that. That would be my absolute worst nightmare and no parent should ever have to experience such a thing.

Rick - I'm really disturbed by the thought of cars without headlights. Not so much now, but I think of how many times I've crossed Ray Rd. and Chandler Blvd. in the past, relying only on the fact that I didn't see headlights. You can bet I'll be looking for more than lights when I run this route in the future.

I turned onto a two way street thinking is was a one way and only looked one way, just as I started to hit the gas and go a car flew by me from the other direction. I had to pull over a pause for a moment, actually about a half hour.....

just look at the bright side.. so you suck at getting yourself maimed or killed.. but you're a success at staying alive.. and that's usually a good thing

These are all what I call "close call" scenarios...narrowly missing being killed, but no real trauma. I think we've all had those. They do indeed shake you.

My "near death" happened on an operating table. A touch & go surgery. MD told Cindy "I think we saved him, we'll know more in 36 hours."...that kind of near death.

Didn't see any bright light, nothing...it was all black from the time they put me out until I woke up, some 10 hours later.

If you're gonna die, the operating table may be the best place. You won't feel a thing.

Well, ya didn't get killed. Your good sense stopped it- train yourself to leave at that... Seems like people drive too fast in AZ in general...

they also can't merge onto the interstate (they do it at 45 MPH it seems)

rjp

Lee,
I'm glad you are still with us. Why not get a good, thorough physical, including a neurological check-up just to be sure there aren't any underlying organic causes for this. Just a suggestion...

I did some things on motorcycles when I was young that still haunt me......bloody miracle I'm not dead.

I think the reason this bothers you is because you aren't sure what happened, so you are not sure how you will prevent it from happening again.

But you WILL prevent it from happening again, won't you ? And you will resolve to make sure it doesn't happen again, right this minute.

IMO, you have good reflexes. That is a darned good thing.

I'm glad that you're not hurt. It is never good when someone dies at a young age. Of course, the term "young age" takes a different meaning the older I get...
We all have an instinctive desire to avoid death. Eating right, exercise, be careful, do certain things in moderation... The question is not if we will die but when. I think that the real question you need to answer is how do you feel about your mortality and what do you believe happens next? The only person you must give the answer to is yourself.

Two things really bothered me about this.

First, that I was mentally committed to the move. Based on some of the comments, I think I've successfully communicated the fact that I was going. The brain told the legs to go. The stop was all reflex. The time that passed from the former to the latter was truly a tiny fraction of a second. That's what give me the "I think I'm going to be sick" feeling I'm having right now just thinking about it. "Close call" just doesn't begin to do it justice. The odd thing about the reflexive stop was that my conscious self was confused about why I wasn't in the street. I could see the headlights I was looking for, at the distance I expected... only I was looking at them through the windshield of the Chevy. It took a bit to process what had happened.

The second bothersome detail is that the outcome, had I gone, is sickeningly clear. It wasn't a question of would/could the driver slow, stop, or swerve. Not a chance. The certainty of the outcome makes it easy to imagine how things would have unfolded in great detail. Yes, that's torturous for sure, and hard to turn off. But, as Marcus pointed out, there's a reason for that. Happen again? Not a chance. The lesson has been learned.

I can think back to various close calls I've had in my life - as a daredevil kid, teenage dirt biker, teen driver, overall car guy, sport biker, etc. I can dredge up various events from those categories, but none were in same league as this by any stretch. At this point I can only say I've had only one truly close call in my life.

A little post script: My running partner, Joe, was ahead and to the left of me and saw the car. He was yelling something - can't even be sure what, but I wasn't really conscious of this. Joe was originally more disturbed by this whole thing than I was. He told me that when he was a kid, the school's crossing guard was killed by a speeding car, right in front of him. Joe said that based on my body language that he was absolutely sure he was about to see me suffer the same fate.

I truly appreciate the comments and kind words. They, along with just having a place to put all this down in print, has helped immensely. SmileWavy

I had a close call a few weekends ago on my sunday morning commute to fly my model airplanes up in the valley.

I was shook up about it for some of the same reasons you are shook up - you didn't see if coming and didn't continuously react.

Well - mine I swear I must have missed by a layer of paint...I was coming from one freeway offramp onto the main freeway north bound. I was crossing over to get to the HOV lane (by myself - have HOV stickers). As I am changing lanes from the right to the left I'm doing the dance. Looking forward, over the shoulder, signal, forward, over the shoulder. It's early on Sunday - there isn't much traffic. I just like to get in the HOV lane and slow down to 45 mph and piss everyone off (just kidding). So as I'm going from one lane to the next and I look forward at about 70mph a car on the right whizzes by me - he's at a dead stop in the lane I had just exited and I never saw him.

Holy crap. I would have hit that car dead on at 70mph...

I stopped, called CHP to get the car off the road and then drove to my destination where I sat there for a bit. My buddy was like 'you alright'...it was scary. I don't feel like I'm a bad or unsafe driver. I have been doing this a while now and I wasn't not looking - I just didn't see it. Uncool.

Reliving this experience in graphic, gut-wrenching detail, is absolutely normal. We all do this. My unprofessional opinion is that human beings are "hard wired" to relive our near-misses in great detail so that we do not repeat that behavior again. We are a weak species with a long lifespan and slow procreation (compared to, say a rabbit - octomom excluded). To keep us alive for long enough to be viable within the gene pool, we need some safe guards. Our vivid memories and our ability to learn from near-misses ensures that we will survive.

Reliving this means that you are normal. Well, as normal as any of us who hang out here! ;)

angela

^^^ This

Most of my near death experiences were crazy teen&early 20's shenanigans that could have ended very badly and thus lost in the memory banks.

Don't want to be captain obvious but remember 3rd grade? Stop, look, and listen... as in don't run across the highway in the middle of the night.

Glad to hear you are OK.

I was 8 y/o, shooting my .22LR unsupervised at a home-made backstop in the basement. Fired, heard an impact behind my head, figured out the bullet had come back the length of the garage, missing my head by about 6", to strike the wall behind me. I still think about that today. A never-forgotten lesson in firearms safety. Had a couple of driving lessons of the same ilk. Look on the positive side - you are a safer and smarter man thanks to your near-death experience.

Reminds me of my first step off of a curb in London some 40 years ago. The mirror of a double decker bus wiped the excitement right off my face. Glad you're still with us.

Lee,
This took place a week ago today, in broad daylight, on a corner I drive through daily. I'd say it these can be explained by something to do with the mind-set of a serious runner. Way too focused in this case.
It was not your time to go - just a good wake up call, I'd say.

Take care, friend.

Runner Scott Birk killed in crash

Good you didn't get hurt. Now you also understand why there is such a thing as Critical Incident Stress Management. Every ATC will have it offered to him after a near-miss or other significant incident. It does help to talk (which you just did).

sailing.
 

I was sailing back from Michigan to Chicago on Lake Michigan at night in a forty ft. sloop.We had been racing and the crew was tired and asleep down below.A squall came out of the north with no warning and we got knocked down.We had a full main and jib and in an instant we had the rail in the water in a full knock down and I had the helm.I was standing on the side of the cockpit with my hand holding the windward stantion and trying to push the tillar down to come up into the wind.Guys were falling out of bunks and screaming "come up,come up".Easier said then done.Wind was at somewhere in the sixtie mile an hour range in the dark and water spraying horizontally in your face.Boat took what seamed like forever to respond,but i really thought it was over as we were taking water into the cabin through the open hatchway.Thought I was Done.Found out the next day three boats had been demasted.No one lost,but it made an impression that has lasted 50 years!

Someone mentioned motorcycles. I was riding along a RR right of way when I decided to climb the banking of gravel that supports the tracks. Went up and back down. Just as I turned to come back down a train whizzed by. I was riding a 2-stroke dirt bike with a off road exhaust. I never heard that train. Felt the wind though.

I stopped breathing as a newborn and was declared dead. Came back to life a little later on.

Thought I'd share.

I was riding my bike to baseball practice in college. Perfect afternoon. Ride to the gym, dress and go.

Never made it. I was t-boned by a small car that ran a red light. Witnesses, there were many, said I flew almost twenty feet in the air from the point of impact. My left leg was shattered, as was my left foot.

I did stick the landing.

I carry the scars and lumps: I'll never be a left leg model:cool:

Here I am...and so are you.

I look both ways at almost every light - no matter how long it has been green. I have zero faith in humanity. It was a habbit I started doing in my 914 (a t-bone in that car is death) and have carried it over to any modern car I drive.

Well I do to, now:D

Changed my life.

I would have to agree that it was a close call experience and not a near death which believe me is a real life changer. In 2004 I had a massive DVT in my right leg that was misdiagnosed by my GP and two cardiac specialists. The DVT broke up one day and clogged my Pulmonary artery by 98% and I had two large blood clots in my heart, one in each chamber. Laying on a hospital bed and having a pulmonary specialist walk in with a priest and an angel (a specialized nurse that attends the dying) and being told I had a 2% chance of walking out of the hospital was a sobering experience to say the least. The priest wanted to give me last rights and I told him I was not ready. The doctor offered me a 50% chance by using an experimental drug that was used as a clot buster for stroke patients but had not been used for anything like I had. I figured 50% was better than 2% so I went for it. For a half an hour my life hung in a balance waiting to see if the drug worked and I used the time to phone my mom and children to say goodbye in case it didn't work. Through the miracle of modern chemistry all the clots were dissolved and I live a healthy life today enjoying my daughter, my grand daughter, my son in law and my friends. Every year in October I celebrate another year of life and being a one percenter (actually less than one percent ever survive what I had) and other than that don't think much about that day.

We were 15 years old skateboarding down the sidewalk. We wanted to cross the street so the group of us stopped, grabbed our boards, looked both ways and started to run across the street. My friend Jason was the first person crossing and I was the second only 6 feet behind him. A car came out of nowhere and my friend got struck. He flew onto the hood then hit the wind shield and flew 15 feet into the air spinning around like a rag doll and landed on the grass beyond the sidewalk on the other side of the road.

I do not know why we didn't see the car. None of us in the group saw the car until it was too late. The old couple in the car was not speeding or doing anything out of the ordinary. We must have just all had our blinders on?

Jason had a long recovery and was never the same again. He has permanent physical and brain injuries which allow him to barely live on his own.

Glad you are still with us.

Speedy:)

Wow.

lee.

so glad your reflexes are not krap!! damn glad you paid attention to your spidey senses..