Next Major Life Decision

[Brando]

So, the time has come. Well, not yet...

September, I plan to ask my girlfriend to marry me. I welcome all commentary (in regards).

Left to right: Wedding band, circa 1965-1975, Engagement ring + wedding band circa 1890-1910.


The Wedding band is 7 stones, marquis cut, 0.5kt each. Band is yellow gold. My grandmother gave it to me from her first marriage (grandpa passed away in the mid 90s). The Ring + Band on the right is from my great-grandmother. The ring is yellow gold with a bit of nickel or zinc blended in, 5 stones 0.125kt 1 stone 0.25kt with a large setting (for effect). Dated to late 19th century early 20th.

Today I take them both to the jeweler for appraisal and give him my sketches for the engagement ring I would like made (to match the existing wedding band). I also have a few loose stones to trade (0.2-0.25kt) and hopefully it won't cost more than $600 out the door for it all to be made. I'll find a way to post the ring concept as well, but I want it to match my grandmother's wedding band.

The goal: Get her a nice set without having to sell the p-car.

[svandamme]

keep those rings they are worth more due to the sentimental value.
If she doesn't see it that way, she's not the right girl to marry.

[nostatic]

Doesn't matter what we think - it is what she thinks.

That said, language like "I also have a few loose stones to trade (0.2-0.25kt) and hopefully it won't cost more than $600 out the door for it all to be made" might not be that endearing to the g/f. Depends on how she ticks...

[scottmandue]

I know it ruins the surprise but have you consulted your GF about design?

Problem is most ladies are rather picky about jewelry and this is a piece of jewelry she is going to wear every day.

For my wife and I, bought ring off Internet, she didn't like it, returned for refund and got second ring she liked from same vendor, it was "ok".

After we married we were out walking and stopped in an antique store... saw something we both loved, bought it and gave it to her as a Christmas present.

BTW those ae two very nice looking rings... but I'm a guy so that means nothing.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by nostatic

Doesn't matter what we think - it is what she thinks.

That said, language like "I also have a few loose stones to trade (0.2-0.25kt) and hopefully it won't cost more than $600 out the door for it all to be made" might not be that endearing to the g/f. Depends on how she ticks...

Also BTW... the super nice antique ring we got that she gets lots of compliments on... $800. So it can be done with in your budget (with jewlers if you think you are going to get something done for $600 it will end up costing $800-$1000).

FWIW my wife was all "it is only a ring, lets just get a CZ" which we did and she was happy... but when I gave her the antique ring she lit up like a Christmas tree (she still wears the CZ on her right hand)

I'm kinda with svandamme, those two rings are too nice and have too much history to hack up IMHO

[krystar]

yea i'm going down this same road. i'm even more clueless than brando.

so should like i like shop for the rock and the ring seperately? i think she's got tiffany's on the brain *ugh*

[Superman]

Rings can be unreliable. Get her a tattoo on her forehead.

[BRPORSCHE]

Rings don't block holes.

[craigster59]

Engagement Rings, Diamonds, Wedding Rings and Fine Jewelry at Blue Nile and let her help pick it...

[Gogar]

Get this thread off the internet if you want to surprise her, that's my suggestion.

[juanbenae]

nice knowing ya.....

[KarlCarrera]

Originally Posted by car 311

nice knowing ya.....

Glad I'm drinking water, it cleans up easier

Karl
88 Targa

[968rz]

RUN!!! and don't stop till the road ends.

[stomachmonkey]

Personally I would save the rings in case you have a daughter or at least get a pre nup that states they be returned if the marriage ends up not working out.

My wife has her grandmothers rings and wears them all the time.

They, along with our wedding rings will go to our daughter.

[DonDavis]

I have no useful comment on the ring. However, I will share this info, I ripped it from Dave Ramsey's site. These are the 4 BIGGIES. If you both are on the same page with all of these, your chances of a successful marriage are improved.

Money: The first one, and the biggest cause of divorce, is money problems, so there needs to be discussion about money. Put all of the debt on the table—all cards are face up. No secrets. It’s time to come completely clean and get in agreement about what’s going on here. When you do that, you’ll also learn a lot about that person’s habits, whether they are a spender or a saver and those kinds of things.

We’re not talking about, “Oh yeah, I know he has some credit card debt from college.” You need to know, “He’s got $42,321 in debt between student loans and credit card debt. He cut up the cards and started paying off debt before we ever met, and he’s got a plan to be debt-free in 22 months.” Those are the details you need.

Religion: If you have the same faith, you have a much higher chance of making it, statistically speaking. When your faith is aligned, so are your value systems—your guiding principles—and that’s your natural road map through life and through the tough times we all have to face.

Kids: Dig into each other’s expectations about kids and make sure they’re compatible. How many do you have in mind? How should children be raised? Should they be allowed to run around like wild animals, or do we make them behave?

Talk about how each of your families raised you—what you agree with and what you don’t. Kids may not be coming for years, but when they do, you need to know where the other parent stands and be in agreement early. You don’t want to start sorting through this for the first time with baby number one on the way.

In-Laws: You really need to find out what you’re getting into with the in-laws. How much of a part of your life do they want to be—and how involved (or uninvolved) do each of you want them to be? Lay out your expectations up front.

Discuss how you can honor your parents yet separate from them and become one. If you don’t agree about what this looks like from the get-go, you may be headed for real trouble.

Dave recommends renting for the first six months of marriage (even if you’re in a position to buy) in case you need to move farther away from one of your families than you thought!

I wish you many years of happiness.

[Brando]

Don, Excellent points! We did #1 when I asked her to move in with me. It was essential to know "what I would be paying for".

#2, we've come to an excellent understanding on our differences in religious beliefs.

#3, we're also in agreement (for the time being).

#4, her family likes me almost more than they like her

[Groesbeck Hurricane]

Brando,

Those are BOTH beautiful sets!!! Do not break them up, keep them, use them with her. If she is upset because of the jewelry then get another. You will not have lost much in the way of a female and you will gain your future happiness! Seriously, when a woman is so stuck on jewelry she does not understand the meaning of passing love from generation to generation then you do not need her and will be VERY tired of her *&#@*$(@# in short order!


Give the set for your marriage. On your wedding night, give the third ring as a private sign of the love of your family and self. The right woman will understand what is being said.


If she HAS to have NEW jewelry and it HAS to be obnoxious it will not be long before that OLD junk heap of a 911 has to go! We MUST have new cars, nothing old, will be on her lips quickly.


Have the jeweler clean and check the mounts. Swipe one of her current rings to ensure sizing. Use the stones for barter if necessary but you never know if they are really worth that much.


My Wife's ring was a gift through several generations. Her engagement ring is ancient. She wears her favorite Grandmother's wedding band and my Mother's wedding band. She feels lucky to have these (and some other) items handed down to her, it is a show of love through the family. I have a GREAT wife! (She bought the Porsches!)

[Danimal16]

I don't want to be a pain here but some advice that you will never regret.

If you or her have been previously married, YOU NEED A PRENUP. If you don't get one, you need to acknowledge that you discussed it, on such and such a date and have a witness. DO NOT USE YOUR CHURCH FOR THIS. If this is your first marriage or do not have alot of wealth, you MAY not need one.

If either of your were divorced, trade copies of you previous court settlement papers.

Meet each others friends, not the common ones you have together, but the ones that she had and you had before you met.

[mattdavis11]

It all depends on her materialistic view, and it will change over time. My folks were poor when they married. My fathers band was his Vanderbilt class ring, mom got what he could afford. After 5 boys and 15 years, she got a rock set on a simple band. I think it was their 35th anniversary when mom gave dad a ring. It was just a simple band.

One of my brothers used stones from heirlooms for an engagement ring, the other two did not. The eldest brother gave a rock to his wife after 10 years, but she thought it was fake. He said he'd take it back. She still has it. All are solid marriages.

If the situation presents, I'm going for a ring pop.

[Mike C]

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

Personally I would save the rings in case you have a daughter or at least get a pre nup that states they be returned if the marriage ends up not working out.

My wife has her grandmothers rings and wears them all the time.

They, along with our wedding rings will go to our daughter.

This is a very good suggestion and would heed the advice!!!