Two old men were sitting on a park bench. They look over and see a dog licking himself. One old guy says to the other, "Boy, I sure wish I could do that!"
The other replies, "You probably could, but you might want to pet him first"

Did you hear about the fire at the circus? It was in tents.

You know, 10 out of 2 people are dyslexic...

A priest, a Rabii and a Minister walk into a Bar,

Bartender says...."What is this, a joke?"

The phone rings at Miss Piggy's house.
Kermit answers and says...

"She can't come to the phone she has a frog in her throat".

Man asks his wife if she'd like to try a new position called "Wheelbarrow". Wife say's "Sure, but let's not go passed my parents house."

What's black and white a red all over?

a penguin in a blender.

Yeah , is third grade but it is short.

What's black and white and rolls on the beach?


A homeless person and a seagull fighting over a french fry.....

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
One leader.

The number zero walks up to the number eight and says "Nice belt"

A guy comes out of the Liquor store with his purchase and cuts through an alley to get to his car, a bum lounging in the alley asks him what he has in the bag.
"I got some wine for my wife"
the bum says "good trade"

Two condoms are walking down the street. They pass by a gay bar and one condom turns to the other and says "Hey, whatta ya say we go in and get $hitfaced!"

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."