Opinion Poll On timing of an ceremony and follow up affair

stomachmonkey · 10:21 AM

My daughter will be having her Bas Mitzvah in October of 13' so of course if you are my wife that's only 2 years to plan, not a lot of time.

Todays conversation revolves around the timing of the ceremony and party afterwards.

The service will end at 12:30 on a Saturday, we have no control over that portion.

My wife would like to do the celebration event around 5pm ending at 11ish.

I loath that idea and told her so. It means people need to find something to do for 4 hours.

She thinks it's fine since people can go take a nap, relax back at the hotel etc...

I personally hate when the celebration is hours after the ceremony. I think it's inconsiderate to the invited guests. 4 hours sounds like a long time but it's really not long enough to do anything other than sit and wait. Especially for the out of towners.

I prefer to have a lunch affair immediately after and then invite whomever wants back to the house for a catered evening buffet and chill out.

We will have a mix of local attendees and out of towner s from NY , NJ and FL.

The ages will range from 10-70.

Opinions.

Noah930 · Noah930's Garage

4 hrs to kill is a PITA. I say that having recently attended a Bat Mitzvah as well as a wedding. The Bat Mitzvah ended around noon, and it was nice to be able to go straight to the reception hall and have a luncheon. In contrast, my cousin had a wedding a couple months ago in which there were several hours between the ceremony and the dinner. Fortunately another cousin decided to have an informal lunch at his house, so we (and the all the little kids) had something to do. Particularly with kids and the elderly, I think it's hard to stretch things out to all-day affairs. Their stamina isn't there. Plus the all-day affair kills the entire day for guests. Do you go back home/to the hotel? Do you sit around? I'm with you, stomach.

McLovin · 09-18-2011, 11:44 AM

I'm with you, and believe me, a lot of your guests will be too.

Erakad · Erakad's Garage

Prefer just to do the whole thing with no half-times to wait through. If I'm going back to a hotel to chill, I'm eating, sleeping...don't want to get up, get dressed, then go to ANOTHER function. I'm with you all the way!

epbrown · 09-18-2011, 12:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

I personally hate when the celebration is hours after the ceremony. I think it's inconsiderate to the invited guests. 4 hours sounds like a long time but it's really not long enough to do anything other than sit and wait. Especially for the out of towners.

I prefer to have a lunch affair immediately after and then invite whomever wants back to the house for a catered evening buffet and chill out.

The times I've seen this done, it always split attendance. You get a lot of people for the ceremony who don't attend the celebration, and people that skip the ceremony but show up to par-tay - usually the older set in the former group and the younger set in the latter. Rarely will a large number, especially locals, devote a whole day to a split event.

dad911 · 09-18-2011, 12:31 PM

Just invite people back to the house in between......

Por_sha911 · Por_sha911's Garage

First off, mazel tov!
What ep said is on the mark. If you want to delay the party that long, have cocktails, light horses-dee-ovaries, and maybe a low key band until then to try to keep guests enteratained.
That said, remember that there are two ways to argue with a woman.
Neither one works.

Oh Haha · 09-18-2011, 12:50 PM

Add me to the list of no to 4 hours between events.

I think it's just too long to expect folks to "find something to do".

We had 2 hours between our wedding and the reception and I felt THAT was too long.

+1 on the horse-divers and cocktails at the house if you absolutely cannot get the times closer.

Congratulations as well!!

Seahawk · 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stomachmonkey

The service will end at 12:30 on a Saturday, we have no control over that portion.

My wife would like to do the celebration event around 5pm ending at 11ish.

I loath that idea and told her so. It means people need to find something to do for 4 hours.

Math is our friend.

Spending 12 hours (Start at 11am: dress, drive, arrive, ceremony, drive back to hotel, undress, dick around, dress, drive back, arrive, celebration, drive to hotel, etc.) on any child's ceremony is selfish.

Sorry.

I would only go to one or the other.

Por_sha911 · Por_sha911's Garage

Seahawk: FYI: I may be showing my age but on LI NY back in the 60's and early 70's, it was not uncommon for Bas & Bar Mitzvahs to be an entire day and even a weekend-long event. I suspect that a lot of it was keeping up with the Schwartz's...

Seahawk · 09-18-2011, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

Seahawk: FYI: I may be showing my age but on LI NY back in the 60's and early 70's, it was not uncommon for Bas & Bar Mitzvahs to be an entire day and even a weekend-long event. I suspect that a lot of it was keeping up with the Schwartz's...

No worries...I am a gentle gentile: A four hour half-time is too much slack in the critical path to a positive celebration.

Por_sha911 · Por_sha911's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seahawk

A four hour half-time is too much slack in the critical path to a positive celebration.

True that.

12own911 · 09-19-2011, 01:13 PM

Agreed... 4 hours is to long to wait between ceremony and party

bivenator · 09-19-2011, 01:19 PM

Dont tell ms monkey but I will side with 4hrs being too long. Now you have 2 years to try and convince your bride. Good luck.

stomachmonkey · 09-19-2011, 01:30 PM

Thanks all.

As I suspected.

I agree it totally kills the flow of the day but more than that is a lot to ask of even family.

She'll come around easy enough.

Just wanted to get it out of her head as early as possible so I don't have to discuss an option for the next year that just ain't gonna happen.

Burnin' oil · 09-19-2011, 01:34 PM

Planning two years in advance. That gives me a headache. Props to you for even engaging in the conversation - I would get real crabby real fast and tell my wife to come back in 23 months.

Anyway, I'm with everyone else - I would go to one or the other, but never both, with that time separation. Not even if it was my own daughter's affair. Deal breaker.

scottmandue · 09-19-2011, 01:39 PM

Also vote for too long... the 4 hour break that is!

What about the folks who drove an hour or more to be at the early event? PITA to drive home and drive back for the party (as in not going to happen).

Noah930 · Noah930's Garage

The other alternative (though it doesn't work well for out-of-town guests) is having the ceremony in Synogogue on day (Saturday morning), and then hosting the reception/dinner on the next night. It seems like a fair number of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs here in LA are done that way. Of course, the events are more luxurious than most weddings, but that's another story.

aigel · aigel's Garage

If things are being planned that far in advance, it is obvious that you need to stay out of it. Just let your wife organize it the way she wants. Trust me, you can only lose if you get involved. Gatherings like these need to be enjoyed - one way to keep it low friction is to show up as if you are guest.

George

stomachmonkey · 09-19-2011, 08:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Noah930

The other alternative (though it doesn't work well for out-of-town guests) is having the ceremony in Synogogue on day (Saturday morning), and then hosting the reception/dinner on the next night. It seems like a fair number of Bar/Bat Mitzvahs here in LA are done that way. Of course, the events are more luxurious than most weddings, but that's another story.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aigel

If things are being planned that far in advance, it is obvious that you need to stay out of it. Just let your wife organize it the way she wants. Trust me, you can only lose if you get involved. Gatherings like these need to be enjoyed - one way to keep it low friction is to show up as if you are guest.

George

Part of the "that far in advance" thing is because of the number of Bar/Bas Mitzvahs in the temple for 2013. 26 of them which does not sound like a lot until you factor there are only 52 Saturdays, then pull out black out days and we are looking at maybe 35 days for the 26 kids. Then you have clusters of b-days.

The only fair way to do it was a lottery to pick your preferred date.

My daughter picked number 1 so the wife got the date she wanted and is excited, as she should be.

We got Columbus Day weekend so we have an extra day which makes a 2 day affair feasible but I highly doubt we will spread it out.

My plan which my wife seems to like so far is after the service we head back to our neighborhood and have the reception at our clubhouse. (We live in a Golf course community) After the formal reception we will have everyone back to the house and do a proper TX BBQ buffet for dinner. It'll be October so pleasant weather to fire up the outdoor fireplaces.

The local guests will all be from the hood so that works for them. They can hang or go home.

We have no hotels in our area, the closest are 20 miles away. The Temple is half way in between. So i figure I rent some vans/buses to shuttle guests from the hotel to the temple, then to the clubhouse, then to my house, then back to the hotel.

I think my plan has good flow, minimal stress for my guests and myself.