What do you do when a family member is going crazy.

mikester · 10-03-2011, 07:51 PM

Maybe it isn't crazy but from the outside it sure seems like it.

Every couple of months my mom seems to have a breakdown - you can tell when it is coming mostly but sometimes something will set her off.

This time it was apparently visibly coming but at Christmas last year with my sister it wasn't.

My mom had a rough childhood and it has haunted her since; she needs help but has never been willing to really commit to it.

Tonight she did her thing again with her miniature breakdown, calls me (I'm usually able to talk her down and get her to just go to bed because these things usually apex late at night). I'm on the west coast and she's on the east coast. Her husband is a good guy and I trust him; I've known him for a very long time as he was a family friend prior to their marriage.

I don't know what his options are for getting her help, she is seeing a psychologist so I suggested he call him and have him pages because it is an emergency. Hopefully he will do that but right now; she is at home and going to bed. I'll call her in the morning...

Crowbob · 10-03-2011, 07:55 PM

You hide.

jhynesrockmtn · 10-04-2011, 06:01 AM

Age? Early signs of dementia/alzheimers possibly?

vash · vash's Garage

sounds awful.

sucks that sometime (no usually) in life, the roles switch and the kids become the "parents".

i wish i could ground my mom sometimes. she lost her edge.

HardDrive · 10-04-2011, 06:53 AM

I'm going to try and write a bit later when I have more time. My mother also has mental health issues. Its upsetting and difficult to write about.

ted · ted's Garage

Get your mom to a doctor, start treating her issues.

Something to think about down the road...
Long-term care insurance - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
In our family my mother and my mother in law both required years of help while living in assisted living facilitys.
Back in the late 80s my mom had a policy that paid $4k a month.
Today my mother in law has a long term policy that will pay up to $9k a month.
About 1/2 the seniors at her home don't have the insurance they can afford to stay there while spending $$$$$$$ out their savings.

This insurance provides the care required and at the same time basically protects your/your parents assets, so you don't have to spend out all savings on assisted care.

David · David's Garage

I'm going through this right now

All I can do is deal with it and hope my marriage stays together, since my mother is living with us until we get her well enough to go home (not likely) or moved into assisted living.

My mom's been seeing a Psychiatrist for years and years but I'd gotten to the point that her mother, sisters, and friends can't deal with her anymore. So I drove the 200 miles to her small town, picked her up, brought her to Houston, and took her into the emergency room at one of the Medical Center hospitals. 2-1/2 weeks later they release her to me for outpatient care. And then the fun really began.

What really drives me crazy is when she's down she can't do anything but stay in bed and then almost as quick she's really up and can't understand that she needs to make some decisions before she's down again.

If you're still of child bearing age... have more than one child. I'm an only child and it's really taking it's toll on me. Of course I realized this little tidbit after having only one child.

I've been resisting bringing any of this crap up on here, but I'm about on the edge of sanity myself at this point.

nostatic · nostatic's Garage

Mental health issues are doubly difficult because unlike a physical disease, there often is an underlying feeling that the person who is sick isn't really sick...that they just need to "snap out of it" or have willpower.

There is a huge spectrum from neuroses to psychoses. Depending on the details meds can be helpful. Getting some sort of psych help is usually mission-critical. For everyone involved (including you). Having someone to talk to who can help you work through your issues associated with the ordeal can make a big difference.

mikester · 10-04-2011, 08:57 AM

I don't believe it is dementia related but more like severe panic attacks brought on by trust and paranoia issues.

She's in her 50s approaching 60. She does have a few Doctors she sees but I do not know exactly the details around this. I believe I am going to have to schedule some time to fly out there and spend some time on this.

vash · vash's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikester

She's in her 50s approaching 60..

wow, she is young!

(you look older in your avatar..like an older bloated..wait..nevermind)

good luck. my mom is gonna be a handfull in a few years.

Hugh R · 10-04-2011, 09:15 AM

David, I feel for you. I'm the sole care provider of my 83 y/o MIL who lives with us as well. She has four other kids, besides my wife. They live within an hour drive and haven't bothered to come and visit here more than once or twice in the three years that she has lived with us. They are the uber-liberals who see us as the greedy selfish conservatives. Actions speak louder than words, don't they?

Zeke · 10-04-2011, 09:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vash

wow, she is young!

(you look older in your avatar..like an older bloated..wait..nevermind)

You don't recognize who that is?

mikester · 10-04-2011, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vash

wow, she is young!

(you look older in your avatar..like an older bloated..wait..nevermind)

good luck. my mom is gonna be a handfull in a few years.

I considered changing my avatar to Darth Vader but I like what I have had for a while now.

I actually have some admiration for Mr. Cheney but I do not care for his politics. I do believe he's pretty honest about his politics though and that - regardless of message is admirable.

Zeke · 10-04-2011, 09:40 AM

It's vash's hunting buddy.

Mike, if she's got some help at least you can get a read on things. I would have agreed with the possibility of dementia coming on, but with professional help that prognosis is best left to them.

I think panic attacks in older folks has been attributed to the feelings of being lost caused by memory problems. Something simple like joining a bridge club could make a difference.

svandamme · svandamme's Garage

I thought womens go nuts monthly, every couple of months sounds like an improvement to me over the standard model.

fintstone · fintstone's Garage

I think most folks with crazy relatives just sign them up for PARF... And let them get it out if their system.

Bill Douglas · 10-04-2011, 11:04 AM

As women get older they sometimes need dietary supplements. They start lacking in one or two things that a naturopath can give them. I may not be right but it is an easy first step. Even talk to women buddies and ask them then get something locally for your mom and ask her to take it as recomended.

You have to remmember women are fairly crazy anyway

LakeCleElum · 10-04-2011, 02:06 PM

Talk to her doc about medication. Can make all the difference in the world.

Heel n Toe · 10-04-2011, 02:34 PM

Mike, I know this is difficult for you. Sorry to hear she is going through this.

One thing that I can't fathom; why isn't her husband manning up and dealing with this?

If she is semi-delirious and calling you once in awhile when she gets worse, that is one thing. I know you don't mind taking a call like that.

But if this is an ongoing thing, it is HIS job to handle this, not yours.

If she is having some sort of problem that causes her to not want to commit to getting help, he needs to go to his doctor and find out what his options are.

I understand he may feel that since (I assume) he is your stepfather, some of the decisions as to what is done should be left up to you, but it just seems dysfunctional that he isn't stepping up and getting some groundwork laid for getting the problem looked at and/or solved.

David · David's Garage

My mom has tried what seems to be every anti-depressant and anti-manic drug known and none seem to work. The final try may be ECT, but she's very nervous about it and seems to catastrophize everything.