Leaving our church after 19 years...

[azasadny]

No need for details, but we're leaving our local church after attending there for the past 19 years. We have been worshipping here with these folks since we moved back to MI in 1991. Several things have been bothering us that have not been addressed and a few issues recently came up that have convinced us to move on. There is another local church that we are familiar with and we'll start attending there, but not making any commitments for awhile. I play the drums, my wife plays the keyboard and our sone plays bass in the worship band, so this will be a big change for us and we'll miss the music ministry. Those of you who have been in a similar situation will know what we're going through... not an easy thing to do. Thanks!

[azasadny]

This post really doesn't need to be under "Religion and Politics" because I don't want to discuss our beliefs or argue them with anyone...

[red-beard]

Just curious, what you were concerned about?

[Por_sha911]

I suggest that you have a scheduled sit-down discussion with the Pastor before you leave. An exit interview helps him/her to know why you left (and possibly improve). This eliminates wild speculation and torment to the leadership. Also, it gives the Pastor a chance to send you out with a spiritual blessing (very scriptural) even if you disagree with them. Lastly, leave quietly and without fanfare. That shows great spiritual maturity as well as your desire for this to be about God's will and not your reputation or opinion. When you follow God's way of doing things, you get His blessing even when natural logic may lead otherwise.
[Disclaimer: If you don't believe in God, please ignore the above post]

[sammyg2]

Originally Posted by Por_sha911

I suggest that you have a scheduled sit-down discussion with the Pastor before you leave. An exit interview helps him/her to know why you left (and possibly improve). This eliminates wild speculation and torment to the leadership. Also, it gives the Pastor a chance to send you out with a spiritual blessing (very scriptural) even if you disagree with them. Lastly, leave quietly and without fanfare. That shows great spiritual maturity as well as your desire for this to be about God's will and not your reputation or opinion. When you follow God's way of doing things, you get His blessing even when natural logic may lead otherwise.

That was the perfect post. Very well done.

[azasadny]

Joe,
Good advice, I really appreciate it! I've drafted a letter to our Elders (our pastor is also an Elder) and I've detailed out the reasons in a non-combative, objective manner. We plan to leave quietly, although our loss on the worship team will be obvious. The pastor is the source of the issues we have and the Elders simply "rubber stamp" his positions on things and that's the main reason we're leaving. Several staff members have recently been treated in a harsh and unfair manner and we cannot change the situation...

[vash]

i quit going to church a long time ago.

cant you just quit showing up?

[azasadny]

Cliff,
We're on the worship team (play in the band that provides the music during worship services), so we really can't just "not show up", although that would be much easier...

[vash]

oh..that complicates things.

but i hate confrontation..i would grab my instruments and bail..

[nostatic]

If he's involved in the music ministry, especially on a long-term basis, then you can't really just not show up one day. It isn't really fair to the community.

I agree with the sentiment of providing a calm debrief to the management (so to speak). Churches can be funny animals...sometimes they stay in the same place too long, other times they change seemingly for the sake of change. The reality is that the needs of the congregation often morph over time and the trick is finding out how to respond to that while still remaining true to the faith. Many years ago my beef was with the pope, and turns out he didn't care about my view so we had a parting of the ways

[JTO]

We recently made a congregation change for possibly similar reasons. After trying for years to make positive change (i.e. ministering to the young families with children, more focus on youth) we found the pastor getting in the way these changes. So, after a tearful (on my wife's part) last ditch meeting with the pastor, we concluded it was time. I wrote a letter to the pastor and elders stating factually that we needed more for our kids and we left. Luckily fifteen minutes from our home we found the same denomination but with a youth focus and lots of energy. It has been a great change for all of us. Hopefully you will have a similar, happy ending.

Troy

[azasadny]

Guys,
Thanks for the good advice! We're finalizing the letter to the elders and we'll be submitting it very shortly. The music minister and entire worship team (band) will be gone. We will be replaced immediately and won't be missed. We really would like the Elders to know why we are leaving, but we aren't expecting any changes to be made.

[mikesride]

Ship stops to pick up a shipwreck survivor on an island. The captian asks where the other two survivors are. None he says just me. Why are there three little huts on the beach then? Asks the captian. I live in the first one and that last one is my church, he replies. Oh says the captian what about the hut in the middle? I don't like to talk about it much.... thats where I USED TO GO TO CHURCH!!

Tough situation friend but it seems to me you will find the "right way" to deal with things.... Bless you brother!!!

[UconnTim97]

Best of luck at the new church. I admire your finding a new church. I got fed up some time last year and stopped going altogether. I don't think they will miss me as much as I only participated occasionally as an usher and assisted in RCIA from time to time.

[scottmandue]

I had been playing bass in my Church praise band for over ten years... but I got married in December and my wife (who lives in a different state) hasn't moved yet so I end up flying back and forth therefore I started missing church. Fortunately there was another bass player to take my place.

Funny thing is I am a liberal Democrat that attends (and member of) a small very Conservative Baptist church. My wife is a conservative Republican that attends a mega church that plays loud rock and roll.

Not sure what that has to do with the OP... but I hope you fit in well with your new church.

[Superman]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

.....I am a liberal Democrat (and) My wife is a conservative Republican .....

Hmmm.........

[azasadny]

Guys,
Thanks! We'll see how this goes.

[Tishabet]

Good luck Art, I serve on my church's council and think about these kinds of things a lot i.e. what it takes for the "old" families to stay engaged and happy and simultaneously attract new members. I'm sure your new church will benefit from you and your family.

[Instrument 41]

Finding a good stable church is as difficult as leaving one. I was removed from my church because of my divorce, took me about a year, of visiting every Sunday, till i found where I needed to be. Separation form those that you have worshiped with and formed relationships with is difficult.

[Tervuren]

My parents left their church in a large part due to it grew bigger then they could handle, they wanted to know everybody. The now go to a newer and much smaller church that is also closer to where they live to.

You don't always have to stay in the same place, it can be good to split off, happened several times in the new testament.