On being Cool in the Jr High School Cafeteria...

[M.D. Holloway]

Our Son has been sitting at the same table in Jr High now for over a year. He has a bunch of various friends from Church, Football and Scouts but he normally only sits with three other boys. Harrison he met in kindergarten and has had classes with ever sense. They are in Boy Scouts together. Harrison has Muscular Dystrophy and is wheelchair bound for most of the day sometimes he can walk but on camp outs when the boys hike he will jump on our sons back and off they go. H weighs 60lbs if he weighs a pound. His second friend Ty he also has known sense kindergarten. We are friends with his parents. Ty is ranked #14 in the nation for the 3000 meter run. He is a great kid and very very humble. He also played in Cooperstown this year for baseball in some national tournament. He is a very good athlete. He also plays football with our Son. The kid has hands like Spiderman. A great receiver. The third boy that joined the table this year is Hunter. All the boys also know Hunter sense kindergarten. Last year Hunter had missed a bunch of school. He had a detached retina which ended up making him blind in one eye. He could play any ball sports very well so he tried for wresting. During practice he suffered a compound fracture of his femur. It was gruesome from what I was told. Come to find out he has some sort of bone density issue. He is about 50% smaller than the other boys. Last month he was found to have a heart valve issue and had surgery. Needless to say the little guy has gone through hell. Our Son is also in scouts with him. He is a very very bright kid - all accelerated classes just a physical mess though. So the 4 have been eating lunch together 2 to 3 times a week in the cafeteria and two to three times a week in the library depending on work load. All four of these boys are great boys. The type you like having at your home. They type (save health issues with two of the 4) you would like your daughters to date and marry.

Over a month ago the boys were approached by a special ed teacher who asked permission if another boy could join their table for lunch some days. Our Son (who seems to always speak for his friends) said sure. The boy is autistic and the teachers had noticed other kids teasing him in the past. As our Son put it the other night:

"Dad, I don't know why I didn't tell you this before but a teacher asked if another kid could sit with us at lunch and I said it was fine. She told us he was a new kid and that some other kids weren't being nice to him so we let him sit with us. Now he always sits with us."

"Is that a problem,?" I asked.

"Well, it makes no sense when he talks to us. We just try to keep him in the conversations and its like he uses words but his sentences make no sense to what we are talking about."

"Well do you get on him for that?"

"No, not at all we just sorta agree with him if it seems like we should or we don't if it seems like we shouldn't. Its like he is from a different country or something but he use English words but what he says just doesn't make any sense."

"Hmmm. (sounds like PPOT!) So is there a problem?"

"Well I have a problem with the teacher. She lied to us. She said that he was a transfer, he isn't I saw him last year here." He said.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Positive Dad, he is like 6 foot tall and weighs about 300 pounds. He's huge. Last year I was hoping I didn't face him in Football. He's a monster." he said.

"Does he play?" I asked.

"No, I don't think he can follow any real directions. I think he is retarded as well as that other thing." He said.

"Autistic...Hmmm, so what is bothering you? I know something is. I can see it in your eyes." I asked.

"Well, its just that not only is it hard to talk to him sometimes I see other kids looking at our table and talking. No one is saying anything but I think this kid is killing my popularity." He explained.

"Well, if you mean your 'cool factor' you are most likely right, he is bringing you down on the cool scale." I said.

"So, your saying that we should ditch him?" He asked.

"Well, without sounding all preacher like, would you like it if the other guys ditched you because you were bringing down there status?" I asked.

"But I wouldn't bring it down." he said.

"Well, let me ask you this, what do you think is the right thing to do? " I asked.

With a heavy sigh and a roll of the eyes "Don't ditch him…its just really hard Dad." He said.

"I know buddy, sometimes the right thing is the tough thing. I didn't say it was gonna be easy. Heck, it will be the toughest thing you do all year. Of course you could have someone else do it right? I mean I'm sure there are all sorts of 7th graders just waiting to be friends with a humungous retarded kid who makes no sense." I said

He just laughed. "Ya, he's not so bad I guess." he said.

"I'm proud of you. It’s a pretty true Christian thing to do as well. Plus, you never know, maybe someday in the future when you’re a senior in high School some hottie is gonna come up to you and say 'hay aren't you that guy that sat with that retarded boy in the in the Jr High cafeteria? That’s was really nice of you…' hay buddy, you never know!" I said

[VINMAN]

Mike you should be proud of your son and yourself. Looks like you instilled some good values in that kid.

[Porsche-O-Phile]

You have an awesome son - and should rightly be proud of him.

He'll do just fine in life. Nobody cares about how popular someone was in Junior High, High School or even college. Such things get forgotten very quickly and count for nothing. Character and class are forever and remembered/noticed.

I wish there were more kids like him.

[widgeon13]

Great lesson.

[dennis in se pa]

"sometimes the right thing is the tough thing"
This often so, and most people never understand it.

[vash]

have your son tell him about the rabbits..

[vash]

so let me get this straight. not only your son, but two other kids are sitting with the big guy?

this is rare. i imagine 99% of the kids wouldnt even approach a parent let alone keep the peace with the new guy. rare.

[M.D. Holloway]

Yup, keep in mind Harrison is pretty much sedintary, Ty is as easy going as a marithon runner (he is a marithon runner) and Hunter is a physical mess. Those four boys have been in and out of each others lives for 7 years now. I did find out that Ty and Harrison did try to bail and go to the library today. Max said they told him they were going to study for a history test. "The test is next week guys!". Maybe they wanted to get a jump on it or just a break from Big Boy. Tough to say but Big Boy didn't show today so a few other boys he plays football with sat with him and Hunter. Max is camping with Harrison and Hunter this weekend, Ty has a race. I am sure knowing Max he will give Harrison grief. One thing about Max, he treats Harrison just like he would anyone else - he pulls no punches with him. Harrison's folks really like Max for that as well as other reasons. Also a reason those two are so tight...

[strupgolf]

That's a great story. Your's is a great kid to have around. What gets me is that "the teachers have seen him being made fun of" so to speak. So I guess it's ok for them to let this pass? This is the kind of problems these kids face for years down the road. If the teachers let it go on, they are part of the problem. I praise you kid for standing up and doing the right thing. There is so much they don't know at that age, but if the big kid wants to sit with them, and they want him to be a part of them, hey, why not. If anyone comes up and makes fun of them, have your son plant his fist on their face, and walk away. He and they will become friends long after this is over. I know this from experience.

[stomachmonkey]

At one of the HS's I attended we had a guy who was desperately trying to be cool and fit in but he was an outcast and target for bullying.

For some reason he took a bus from a nearby Catholic HS, Chaminade for you LI'ers.

He was out of school for a few days but no one seemed to notice.

When he did come back his jaw was wired shut.

Apparently some Chaminade jock took a shot at him on the bus and broke his jaw.

That did not sit well with us at all. No one picks on our retards but us.

By the end of the day a lynch mob had formed. At least 100 of us marched down to Chaminade.

We went into the school looking for the guy just as the dismissal bell rang and found ourselves surrounded in the halls.

We managed to get back outside and the riot started.

It was all a bit ugly.

Needless to say he went from zero to hero.

That day the entire student class collectively decided that he was now off limits and the guys who used to pick on him the most became his biggest protectors.