Curse You KFC! Curse You!
 

Alas, I have succumbed to the wonderful enticement of the 3pc Dark Meat Combo entrée complete with biscuit, cole slaw and mashed potato with gravy.

Oh Colonel, the pullets you slow prepare with those special 11 herbs and spices are the stuff of legend but you lie sir! You lie!

While you proudly state that “At KFC, we take great pride and care to provide you with the best food and dining experience in the quick service restaurant business.”, I have never gotten as sick on Subway, Burger King, McDonalds, Wendy’s, Which Witch and Chik-Fil-A as I have after dining on your fair.

Now mind you sir, I have left burger meals from two famous establishments out for over a year and observed no degradation or onset of mold or decay. While these burgers have increased in Rockwell hardness, they still (assumingly so) retain their meager nutritional value. Your poultry products began to decay on the way down my esophagus.

The gastro-intestinal duress (both upper and lower) I experienced shortly after eating your offering was not unlike what a refugee would experience while suffering from dysentery, cholera, Montezuma’s Revenge or the black plague. From the severe abdominal cramping to the uncontrollable loose bowels to the projectile vomiting, my family and close neighbors believed I was possessed by Satin. A Catholic priest was called in but quickly dismissed my case to a culinary indecision and not the work of Lucifer. I beg to differ. You sir, with your impish smile, grandfatherly manner and Southern Fried charm should be dressed in scarlet red and black as opposed to starch white!

It was only after 46 hours that solid food in the form of Saltines could be taken for nourishment. The Pepto Bismol and water was my only form of sustenance. And mind you sir, while Pepto Bismol will settle the bismuth sulfides true apparent in the formula will render the tongue and stool black. Trust me sir, that is a side effect that is less than welcome while trying to garner simpatico from family and loved ones!

To make matters worse this is not the first time I have experienced your evil culinary design. Upon ingesting my meal, my bride had warned me that the last time I ‘enjoyed’ your 3pc Dark Meat Combo entrée with biscuit, cole slaw and mashed potato with gravy I became gravely ill and swore you off. It is now my impression that one of those 11 herbs and spices is of the pharmacopeia that renders memory loss of the worst intentions.

You are on notice sir. As a Connecticut Yankee transplanted to Texas I have now officially waged war on all things Kentucky! Never again shall I consider your establishment and for that matter anything related to the YUM network of gastro duress!

LOL


I call KFC "Freight Train food" cause that what it reminds me of as it barrels thru my digestive tract.

I only eat it when I know that I will be near a bathroom for the next 30 minutes.

BTW, the burger mold thing. It's simply because the patties are so thin that any moisture left after cooking evaporates before mold can grab hold.

Hope you are back to normal.

I'd rather eat 3 cubes of butter than 3 pieces of KFC...........about the same flavor, consistancy and ease of entry and exiting the body..

Popeyes does it to me. KFC is fine...

I don't think I've gone to a chicken joint since I worked at Popeyes when I was 16. I'm 41 now.

It was a long time before I ate any chicken after I left that job, many years. I love chicken now, but I still don't get it from a chicken place. The only fast food chicken I get is the VERY rare Wendy's chicken sandwich.

Popeyes did have some really awesome biscuits though. We had a guy, that was his only job, he made biscuits.

And as you age, you can expect to add more foods to the "freight train' . . . :eek:

I have noticed that KFC in the US tends to be a whole lot greasier than our northern product. And it's still seriously greasy.

Ian

I hit KFC about once every three years.

I like their chicken if I can get it at a buck a piece but the side orders stuff look awful...

I have not "done" KFC for many many years yet reading the opening line of this thread I was reduced to one of Pavlov's dogs. I recall loving KFC in my early years but swore off it for similar reasons. My BIL and SIL (both very overweight) eat that stuff every week. They are daily junk food eaters and don't appear to suffer...I guess it takes lots of training to build up the stamina.

Saw this commercial last weekend. Man, talk about a heart attack in a bowl.....

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Herr Lubster, the quality of your prose demands that you become a published author. I would buy your books.

Is it cause it's spicy @ Popeyes?

Lubey,
Avoid the slaw man! No telling how long that stuff's been out in the open air, and key ingredients have a chance of contam raw, and no 350degree oil or pressure cooking....Too many strikes.

BTW, you seem to have an awful lot of time to let the creative juices flow...

I like El Pollo Loco myself. Getting it right off of the flame broiler probably helps cut down on the digestive tract issues.

About the same for me. Like the chicken strips and thats about it...

too easy to do at home for me to eat KFC. i've been there. last time i didnt get sick. it smelled wonderful. i got the huge bucket home to my MIL..that is what she wanted for her birthday meal..whatever. cheap. i was happy to pay.

i ate one piece. it was good. the second piece was overload. i couldnt get it down. it was wet with oil..salty. i gave up. last time.

now i just grill the stuff at home. oven baked chicken on the grill is amazing.

The prose is epic! Where in Ct?

Love Popeyes.

I grew up on the Southeastern Shoreline, I know Oxford. Ever been to the Golden Lamb Buttery? Way up north but man o man what a good place to eat!

PS Does this belong on the men in high heels thread?

Order now while supplies last! The 2nd edition will be out soon and it will fetch a higher call than the meager $79.95!