Question for PPOT Braintrust, but this likely needs a woman's point of view

Groesbeck Hurricane · 12-07-2011, 08:52 AM

I don't want to go into too many details but will outline the situation:

Young lady, college graduate who went on mostly scholarships, good grades in business and good understanding of mathematics, poor understanding of science.

Young man who took out loans, partied, failed some and managed to pass with a Liberal Arts Degree.

(Yep, see the train wreck coming in now don't we....

)

So, young lady is attractive but tomboyish. Had very few dates in high school and only went out with two people in college. Raised with Christain values in ULTRA conservative household. Stated ambitions to professional school, took and passed tests, and interviewed to enter some programs after graduation. Shows drive to succeed and wants to have nice things in life and own a few acres of land.

Young man partied and knew lots of girls. Vision of life: Video games, strip clubs, parties, drinking, doublewide on an acre or so, and such things. Lazy, starts to show up to do some work but manages to delay involvement until it is all done. Oh, and then has opinion on how others did it wrong.

No drugs, guns, kids, or other such things involved. Total trainwreck not avoided but maybe some padding?

The second person the young lady dated is above referenced young man. Boy tells girl he loves her. She's never had that before so she falls for it. Does not feel to be real to her but who knows. Starts seperating girl from her family and working to integrate her into his. His mother starts lashing onto her and telling her how she must join their family.

Boy tells girl he'll never leave her, crying (literally with tears) about how he has to have her in his life. Goes on for months. Girl agrees to marry but must wait a year.

She catches up to him in school and they graduate together (two years difference, she finished a year early).

He continues working at the dead end job of loading trailers (forklift and by hand) and finds a job making about $18K per year. He talks her out of graduate school as it is so expensive and he has bills to pay. She drops all educational goals and drops out of programs she was accepted to.

Leaves poor job to apply for lower paying job as teacher's aide ($14K per year).

Boy continues to find time for video games and clubs. Sends girl out to spend time with his sister-in-law so he and his brother can continue in their old ways.

Now, you have a basic story line the question is:

How do break them up before the wedding date? I was told to keep out of it two years ago, now my methods are too late and will only accomplish driving her closer. I was thinking photos of him with strippers?

Open to thoughts!

pwd72s · 12-07-2011, 08:59 AM

The way to hide a body is...

svandamme · svandamme's Garage

set him up with a skank and document the procedings

Tim Hancock · 12-07-2011, 09:09 AM

I feel your pain..... let's just say I am in a similar boat.

Burnin' oil · 12-07-2011, 09:09 AM

What is your relationship with the girl?

Dueller · 12-07-2011, 09:11 AM

Simple...make her realize there's a BBD out there. Unfortunately she'll probably not realize this until after nuptials.

Moses · 12-07-2011, 09:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burnin' oil

What is your relationship with the girl?

That's the critical question.

craigster59 · craigster59's Garage

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burnin' oil

What is your relationship with the girl?

This will determine your level of involvement....

Rot 911 · 12-07-2011, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dueller

Simple...make her realize there's a BBD out there. Unfortunately she'll probably not realize this until after nuptials.

And how well did that work for you? Seriously. There is nothing that you can say to a person that really thinks they are in love to get them to change their mind. They will only believe what they want to believe. Just be there for them when things go south and resist the urge to say "I told you so."

Evans, Marv · 12-07-2011, 09:31 AM

Maybe you could sort of pave the way by giving her one of those check lists for compatability/success to play with. Might open her eyes a little so you can make other suggestions.

Gogar · 12-07-2011, 09:31 AM

Tell her you love her (if that's appropriate).

Tell her not to burn her bridges into school. To be honest, she might do better in school - later.

Tell her not to get pregnant.

Let her fail, and support her emotionally after she figures it out by herself.

Groesbeck Hurricane · 12-07-2011, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Burnin' oil

What is your relationship with the girl?

Can I get by with saying family relation of not-to-be-disclosed origin and I am MORE than old enough to be her father?

I was going to let her go through my own divorce proceedings from my marriage at her age. But she is 'in love' where I obviously could not have been. My ex was similiar to her not soon enough to being ex. Well, no, mine was more closely related to beelzebub.

I was leaning so hard on compromising positions but don't know if I'd be blamed for "leading the kid on"... video of him in one of those clubs? I have only been in one and that was 20 something years ago. Not being able to touch is not my thing.

Groesbeck Hurricane · 12-07-2011, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gogar

Tell her you love her (if that's appropriate).

Tell her not to burn her bridges into school. To be honest, she might do better in school - later.

Tell her not to get pregnant.

Let her fail, and support her emotionally after she figures it out by herself.

Durn ya buddy!!!! Likely the most sage advice out there. Learn through pain, I did but it took alot out of my life and set me back a decade.

Gogar · 12-07-2011, 09:38 AM

I don't know if you're kidding about your 'ideas' or not,

but if you value your relationship with this young girl,

you're waaaaaay waaaaaaaaaay off.

The only thing you will accomplish by interfering in that kind of manner will result in you having NO relationship with her at all.

Dueller · 12-07-2011, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rot 911

And how well did that work for you? Seriously. There is nothing that you can say to a person that really thinks they are in love to get them to change their mind. They will only believe what they want to believe. Just be there for them when things go south and resist the urge to say "I told you so."

Uhhh...well with my stepson, a summer in Europe really opened his eyes to the big world out there beyond his hometown community, gf, etc. Didn't get a chnce to have such an impact on stepdtrs...and they are still "in love" with their small town HS sweethearts.

Pont well taken, tho.

Dueller · 12-07-2011, 09:42 AM

That beoing said...encourage them to live together for a few years, enjoy their time together (albeit no kids yet), and see what happens.

With him discouraging her from pursuing HER dreams/education, sounds like the beginning of a controlling and possibly abusive relationship when she tries to stand up for herself.

imcarthur · imcarthur's Garage

We watched the Room Monkeys drift further apart until she hit him with a 2 x 4 (figuratively). Other than emotional support, there is little that can be done to alter young'uns impending emotional disaster. It hurts but they have to find out for themselves. Be close enough to help pick up the pieces & never ever say I told you so. Parents are (or should be) for life.

And yes, unfortunately, it can set them back years.

Ian

Seahawk · 12-07-2011, 10:02 AM

Romeo and Whatshername.

Same as it ever was.

Be there to help pick up the pieces or be prepared to be surprised. I cornered the young and dumb market, doesn't always end up in a ditch.

Crowbob · 12-07-2011, 10:03 AM

Buy them a house for a wedding gift.

BK911 · BK911's Garage

Send her a link to this thread. Maybe reading your perspective will help open her eyes a little bit.

IMO anybody who suggests dropping out of school does not have that persons best interest in mind. Smuck boy should get 3 jobs to pay the bills if necessary.