Dad on Hospice care

[wdfifteen]

We put my father on hospice care last night. When they first suggested it I was against it. He has Alzheimers and is frightened by changes in his surrounds (among other things). It turns out in the facility he is in, the only difference between hospice care and regular care is a change in billing to Medicare. He stays in the same room and gets the same care. It's really just another ripple in the long downward slide in his health.

[Oh Haha]

Sorry to hear this.

Be there for him as much as possible.



Alzheimer's sucks.

[redstrosekNic]

Sorry to hear this. Alzheimer's runs in my family-it's so sad.

Always remember your dad knows you care- he just can't show it.

[URY914]

I just went through this last month with my mother. It lasted about three weeks.

[peppy]

Sorry to hear this, good thoughts and prayers for your dad and family.

[Dottore]

It's a sad and difficult thing to accompany your parents on their final journey. I wish you much strength and good cheer. As others have said, all you can do is to try and be there for them. When my father was in that state, every time he woke up and saw me at his bedside he smiled.

[Targa Me]

Sorry to hear about your Dad.
I remember when we put my Dad on Hospice care... it wasn't easy.
As stated above, its hard to watch your parents on their final journey.
Try to be as strong as you can.
My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

[sc_rufctr]

That's sad Patrick but the best you can do for your dad is be there for him.

Things will change between you as time goes on but they won't all be bad.
Just show him you love him and you can't go wrong.

I'm experiencing a loss right now. My aunt is dying of cancer and she's in her final days. When I hug her all I can feel is her bones.
She's a decent god fearing lady and her faith is unwavering.

Her kids have already decided who gets what in her house.

[DonDavis]

You and your family have my sincerest thoughts and prayers.
God be with you.

[Racerbvd]

Hospice is a great organization, I have had to deal with them too many times ( latest yesterday) and will say a prayer for you and family.

[R K T]

My Mom was in an assisted living facility and was declining fast. Her Doctor told us "it was only a matter of time" and ordered Hospice care for her. When we heard what the Dr said we immediately thought it would be a very short time. She lived 18 months after being told "only a matter of time". It was torture for us to see my Mom actually last that long. I'm not sure if she realized her situation or not. But Hospice was there with her everyday, 24 hrs a day, helping her with everything. We would go everyday to see her and most days when we walked in the Hospice person would be sitting next to my Moms bed just holding her hand. We couldn't be there all the time.....physically or mentally....it was just too hard to see. We were very thankful that the Hospice workers genuinely cared for my Mom when we could not be there.

Thoughts and prayers for your strength in going through this.

[john70t]

Pictures, books, flowers, candy, etc. help ease the transition.

After a few days or weeks, he will be crawling the walls to get out of there.
My father would say "ok, so that's the door to get out of here. you pull the car up and we'll make a run for it".
I didn't blame him. He didn't get much sleep. That facility had schrieking bed alarms, and they would wake patients up in the middle of the night for medications.

The jist was, dad was brought home and had the same issues. His wife would explain it slowly again and again, which brought calmness to the situation.
Don't take it personally if he blames you and/or is negative.

Also, let the staff do their job.
He will depend on them and the sooner he realizes it the better.

[Halm]

My dad passed last week while "under Hospice care" and my views are not as warm and fuzzy as many of the the other posters. Please feel free to PM me for details.

[pwd72s]

It takes very special people to work with Hospice....be glad that there are such people. They were angels during the last month of my mother's life.

[dennis in se pa]

Alzheimer's Disease is really tough on the family. Hospice care is a good decision.

[Seahawk]

Nothing to add other than my heartfelt condolences.

You come across as a thoughtful, strong willed man...I wish you all possible strength and perspective in the coming days.

[wdfifteen]

Thanks all.
In many ways he's been gone for a long time. His personality and the spark that made him "dad" slipping away so slowly that in many cases I only recognized the loss in retrospect. It's been a year since he showed any recognition of the people around him. The year before that I could tell he kind of recognized me, but he didn't know who I was. Letting his body go is just the last step in a decade-long process of watching him slip away.

[Baz]

Hey Patrick - thanks for sharing this - many of us can relate either because we've been there done that and/or will be at that point in the future.

Lost both my father and step-father in hospitals but still have my Mom. Be there for yours - if she is still in the picture....that's a biggie.

God speed my friend,
Baz

[azasadny]

Sorry to hear this, we have been through it a few times and right now our friend's mother is slipping away and is on "at home hospice" and we take Daisy (our Golden Retriever) over once a week to love on her a little bit and it makes her (and the dog) very happy. Spend time, talk and look for a "window", you'll know it when it happens... I'm praying for you and your family.

[R K T]

One other little bit of advice......
If your parent with any form of Dementia wants to tell you a story that is just outrageous and couldn't possibly have happened......don't disagree or try to convince them it didn't really happen. In their minds it REALLY happened. Much easier ON THEM to just go along with whatever it might be.
My Mom told us almost everyday that Uncle Joe came by and brought lunch for everybody. Uncle Joe died about 70 years ago when my Mom was very young.