Live in caretaker for parents... anyone using one?

[scottmandue]

My parents are in their upper 80's and we can't get them to move out of the house.

Anyone using a caretaker for elderly family member?

How much are you paying them? How many hours a day/week do the stay there (with them)?

Thanks in advance.

[Rick Lee]

My 89 yr. old grandmother has one and my folks, who live two hours away, come to visit once a week. This live-in aide is a nurse by trade and only wanted free room and board and $50 per week. I'm not joking. She's like manna from heaven. She's pretty involved with her church and works at a hospital part time. She uses my grandmother's Mini to run errands for her and chauffeur her around. She's also a serious cook. My senile grandmother tried to give her a $950 per week raise a few mos. ago and she refused it. It's almost too good to be true.

[Zeke]

I was involved as a handyman take-care-of all situation in 2010 and 2011. There were 2 gals who stayed overnight splitting the week 3/4 and covering for each other. $60/day and they ate free.

It gets real political. I became the mediator/adviser. I started a thread back then when I was asked to become the conservator of the estate. At my own intuition and the advice of PPOT, I declined.

Eventually a sister coerced signing of forms and whisked the lady away to a home. She lived 6 more months before succumbing to cancer that had been being treated for 15 years. We think it was getting to the brain.

But I digress. We went through a few of these "caregivers." They all have baggage, IMO.

[Rick Lee]

I should add that my grandmother's townhouse has some serious water and structural damage and, wouldn't you know it, her caregiver has a brother who's a contractor. My GM so trusts this woman, that she refuses to get any bids for the job and just hired the guy based on caregiver's recommendation. My parents are very suspicious, but GM will hear none of it and just wants it fixed. I heard some horror stories about the repairs and price when they were here for Xmas. But I called my GM to ask how it was going and she told me it was around $6k for everything and that's about what I paid 10 yrs. ago to have a very similar problem fixed in an almost identical townhouse. My folks say it's a common scam for caregivers to get their family members involved in the elderly person's financial affairs. I don't know how they know this or that it's the case here. The money and repairs sound totally in line, if not a pretty good deal. We'll see.

[id10t]

My grandparents did, not sure what was being paid but they had long term care insurance that covered it.

When I get into the same situation with my mom, I'm planning on grabbing a few nursing students to live in with her rent free w/ a stipend.

[Zeke]

Yes, conspiracies abound. When people get close to other people, they meddle. It can lead to abuse and crime. From what I've seen, state workers are the best at staying distant, but those days of state provided are all but gone. And, when you need someone there all the time, neither the state nor private insurance can provide that kind of care.

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by Zeke

But I digress. We went through a few of these "caregivers." They all have baggage, IMO.

This is the thing... my wife thinks she could be their caregiver. However we cannot live on my income alone so she has to have some kind of income.

So we would have to ask for some kind of money... that I see turning into a huge clusterf**k.

I have discouraged my wife from even thinking about it (she is not a nurse).

On the other hand my parents are very particular about their house and refuse to have a stranger around. Even had a lady from church sister try to help out (paid) but mom didn't like the way she did things. I think they would be more accepting of having my wife around, we live about 10-15 minutes away from my parents.

My brother wants them to move to assisted care (not a bad idea) but dad is against it.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

This is the thing... my wife thinks she could be their caregiver. However we cannot live on my income alone so she has to have some kind of income.

So we would have to ask for some kind of money... that I see turning into a huge clusterf**k.

I have discouraged my wife from even thinking about it (she is not a nurse).

On the other hand my parents are very particular about their house and refuse to have a stranger around. Even had a lady from church sister try to help out (paid) but mom didn't like the way she did things. I think they would be more accepting of having my wife around, we live about 10-15 minutes away from my parents.

My brother wants them to move to assisted care (not a bad idea) but dad is against it.

Assisted living would be the last resort if up to me. My theory is that no one who works at these places really enjoy their work. Therefore you have these unhappy people who are caring for your loved ones. This for me is unacceptable - for a job like this which involves something so important as my parents' health, well being, and happiness.

Build a garage apartment or carriage house on your property. Add on. Add a floor. Buy the house next door for them. Anything but put them in a "home".

[scottmandue]

Originally Posted by Baz

Assisted living would be the last resort if up to me. My theory is that no one who works at these places really enjoy their work. Therefore you have these unhappy people who are caring for your loved ones. This for me is unacceptable - for a job like this which involves something so important as my parent's health, well being, and happiness.

Build a garage apartment or carriage house on your property. Add on. Add a floor. Buy the house next door for them. Anything but put them in a "home".

Assisted living can be a lot nicer than you think... my wifes dad lives at one... has a nice private apartment of his own with it's own kitchen/bathroom... a dinning area where they serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner if he doesn't want to cook (he doesn't), a shuttle bus that takes them to the market, mall, casino. Some of the nicer ones have their own onsite golf course. It is clean, quiet, bright, with art on the walls, not bad at all.

I think you are confusing "assisted living" with "convalescent hospital"

[rcooled]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Assisted living can be a lot nicer than you think...

I totally agree. My dad lived at a place in Ormond Beach, FL for about 4 years and he loved it. Like scottmandue said...spacious private apts., cleaning & laundry service, all meals provided, on-site medical facility, manicured grounds, helpful staff, planned activities, shuttle service, etc. One of the things my dad liked best was the female/male ratio...about 10/1 in his favor. He was always very social and got a LOT of attention from the ladies. At the time (about 7-8 years ago) I think he was paying about $1600/mo., everything included.

[911pcars]

If you have elderly parents, long term stay in a retirement home can cost upwards of $8,000+/month. No kidding and with no guarantee of adequate care.

Rick. $50/week including room and board is gold. Don't let her/him go.

A home care provider (from a licensed service) can cost $5,000/month or more. This is a vastly profitable industry for senior assistance. Being on a fixed income with home care and other costs (meds, etc.) and with no other support options can make one poor and destitute in no time. Some say long term care insurance is recommended over life insurance.

We found a caretaker who takes care of my Mom (now 98) including cooking, cleaning, etc. 24/6 and another to take up the slack the 7th day. About $2200/month.

S

[Zeke]

Originally Posted by rcooled

I totally agree. My dad lived at a place in Ormond Beach, FL for about 4 years and he loved it. Like scottmandue said...spacious private apts., cleaning & laundry service, all meals provided, on-site medical facility, manicured grounds, helpful staff, planned activities, shuttle service, etc. One of the things my dad liked best was the female/male ratio...about 10/1 in his favor. He was always very social and got a LOT of attention from the ladies. At the time (about 7-8 years ago) I think he was paying about $1600/mo., everything included.

I'm moving in.

[Baz]

Originally Posted by scottmandue

Assisted living can be a lot nicer than you think... my wifes dad lives at one... has a nice private apartment of his own with it's own kitchen/bathroom... a dinning area where they serve breakfast, lunch, and dinner if he doesn't want to cook (he doesn't), a shuttle bus that takes them to the market, mall, casino. Some of the nicer ones have their own onsite golf course. It is clean, quiet, bright, with art on the walls, not bad at all.

I think you are confusing "assisted living" with "convalescent hospital"

Point taken Scott. I was thinking more of a nursing home situation. Assisted living is not the same thing.

I'm going to have a talk with my Mom soon and ask her what her plan is - if she has one. At 87 - so far so good....still driving and living independently at her own home in a nice neighborhood about a 10 minute drive from me.

It will all change one day though....

[Baz]

Originally Posted by rcooled

I totally agree. My dad lived at a place in Ormond Beach, FL for about 4 years and he loved it. Like scottmandue said...spacious private apts., cleaning & laundry service, all meals provided, on-site medical facility, manicured grounds, helpful staff, planned activities, shuttle service, etc. One of the things my dad liked best was the female/male ratio...about 10/1 in his favor. He was always very social and got a LOT of attention from the ladies. At the time (about 7-8 years ago) I think he was paying about $1600/mo., everything included.

I wonder if that place still exists. I'd like to check it out if you know the name. Sounds too good to be true....

[azasadny]

We had my grandfather move in with us when we finished renovating our house, so we were the "live in help", especially my wife, Beth. She cooked every meal for my grandfather and drove him to every Dr appt for 5 years.