Married guys/gals..question about: "talking about money".

[vash]

single guys..spare me..i know. your lives are wonderful! i'm talking to the long time successful married people.

my wife is a money saving juggernaut. how she does it is unknown to me. i am simply not that great with finances. huge reason i started a 401k, and got a job with a pension. i just know myself.

how do you talk about money without sounding like a selfish ass? i want to buy things and i seem to be at a disadvantage because my wife HATES buying things. so i cant even play that tit-for-tat..card.

my wife and i have been married 5 years. she worked the first year, and has been unemployed for 4. she is in nursing school. we have no kids.

i love her and i am so blessed to be in position to get us over this hump. money talks always seem to go downhill in a hurry.
advice? just shutup and suck it up? seems like just voicing my feelings makes me sound like a douche.

[stomachmonkey]

I make the money. She spends it.

When I want to buy something I tell her what and how much so she expects it when she's doing the books.

Generally I will spend money out of my "extra's" fund. I get calls for side work all the time and it pays for the stuff I want which is different from the stuff I need.

Like you I am bad with personal money management, well maybe lazy is more accurate.

Works out fine for both of us. Honestly I got the better end of the deal.

[Rikao4]

just how well do you know her..
what was her life like in her early years..

when one has little or less..
you tend to hold on to what you got..
because you remember..

so if there's a special toy you want..
save for it by giving up something else...

she's thinking about tomm. next week..
next yr and what if...


Rika

[TheMentat]

I'm in a similar situation. When we first got married I spent money like I worked on the oil patch, and my wife is a saver like yours.

I hate to say it, but the solution I have found is to reform your ways. . Saving money and deferring purchases will eventually feel like second nature, and you will be much better off because of it.

Look on the bright side, most guys have the opposite problem with there wife's spending.

[ossiblue]

From someone who's still married to the same woman after 37 years.

Step back a bit and look at the big picture from her point of view, which I think I can see from your post. She has an ingrained sense for saving that is probably from somewhere in her upbringing which is likely a fundamental part of her personality--she will always be reluctant to spend without a real (to her) need for it.

She has been out of work for the last four years (four of the five you've been married) and has the expense of nursing school, thus she sees only an outflow of money as her "contribution" which may be an unspoken issue to her. The fact that you are able to provide for the financial "hump" still may not make her feel comfortable spending for anything that is not an "essential." Again, it's part of her personality.

Advice? Try to understand her reluctance and realize that your logical reasoning for buying does not affect her emotional barrier. It's not really clear what you mean by "talk about money," so I can't comment on what, exactly, is causing friction.

[myamoto1]

I've solved this with 3 bank accounts. Mine, hers and ours. An equal percentage of my salary goes into hers and mine with the balance going into the joint. Our personal accounts are to pay for our day to day activities and any extras we want (i.e. gas, lunch out, gift for a friend, etc.) The joint account is for bills, food for the home, clothing, kid expenses, etc... This makes the money talks easy, because we both get paid the same.

It also makes the "I'm a stay-at-home mom" converstations easier too. I've only had one conversation about how SAH moms are underpaid. One quick reminder that she gets the same salary that I do ended any future questions of unfairness. However, we do have family discussions for any large ticket items that might be out of our personal budgets, but not the family budget. Sometimes you get what you want, other times you don't - a balanced budget dictates that.

[krystar]

hell....my married friends tell me u can get whatever u want. it just costs double the retail price cause you gotta get her some diamond earrings too.

[BRPORSCHE]

Money talk?

what is this that you speak of?

[on2wheels52]

"my wife is a money saving juggernaut.............she worked the first year, and has been unemployed for 4."

Sounds like she's a keeper if she can save while being unemployed.
Jim

[Moses]

Originally Posted by vash

single guys..spare me..i know. your lives are wonderful! i'm talking to the long time successful married people.

my wife is a money saving juggernaut. how she does it is unknown to me. i am simply not that great with finances. huge reason i started a 401k, and got a job with a pension. i just know myself.

how do you talk about money without sounding like a selfish ass? i want to buy things and i seem to be at a disadvantage because my wife HATES buying things. so i cant even play that tit-for-tat..card.

my wife and i have been married 5 years. she worked the first year, and has been unemployed for 4. she is in nursing school. we have no kids.

i love her and i am so blessed to be in position to get us over this hump. money talks always seem to go downhill in a hurry.
advice? just shutup and suck it up? seems like just voicing my feelings makes me sound like a douche.

PERFECT combination! Sounds like my wife. Good saver. Doesn't waste. I spend more and don't really care much about money at all. We've been married a long time and our financial security is the result of a great partnership; I work hard and she saves money. It's been wonderful.

[LeeH]

I'm the saver type and money manager in my family. We solved this issue by having my wife set up her hown bank account and have an amount transfered to this account every month. That money is hers to do whatever she pleases. I don't know how much of it she keeps or spends or what she buys with it. In my mind it's spent the moment it leaves our joint account. If she wants to light it on fire, that's her business, not mine.

[IROC]

Originally Posted by vash

my wife is a money saving juggernaut. how she does it is unknown to me. i am simply not that great with finances. huge reason i started a 401k, and got a job with a pension. i just know myself.

Would you rather she spent money like a drunken' sailor? Things could be worse.

My wife is a lot the same. She is even hard core into the "couponing" thing which drives me nuts, but I can't complain.

I work - she's a stay-at-home mom. What we do, though, is out of every paycheck we put an equal amount of money into a "fun money" account. We each have our own "account". We are able to spend money out of that account on anything we want - no questions asked. It works out great as she doesn't feel guilty for buying unnecessary clothes, etc. and I can buy Porsche parts.

Edit: Just saw your post, Lee... I need to type faster. :>)

[Hard-Deck]

My wife of 25 years and I budget, which includes "allowance" for each of us for spending any way we want. It's a few hundred a month and we are not accountable to each other for how we spend it. I use this for buying motorcycle parts, Porsche parts etc, she uses it for things she wants....craft stuff mostly.

For larger amount purchases that will benefit the family like furniture etcetera, we keep a list of what we want and we prioritize the purchase and only buy what we have cash for that we need.

We will retire with zero debt, money saved, investments made and property ownership in place.

It takes dedication, agreement on a budget, mostly sacrifice as you can never buy everything that you want and revision....we revise our budget annually based on changing "needs/wants" and income changes.

Good luck brother.

[Mothy]

Same as Moses for me.

I married a Scotsman's daughter - careful with money. Saves without it looking hard and reminds me when I've got a bit out of control with the spending. The great thing is after 29 years, the house paid off and the kids flown the coup, we have the financial security to do more things we want.

She is known as the "Prices Justification Tribunal" in our house. The kids still don't make a major purchasing decision without running it past their mother - AND ITS THEIR MONEY!! She has the nack of being able to make you realise when it's just a passing whim - but gives full support when it's something that makes sense.

Tim

[cantdrv55]

Vash, you know that you and I are in the same boat. I have tried everything to get her to loosen up her grip on the wallet and believe me throwing a fit won't work. Just think though, would the alternative be better? Would you rather have a spouse who doesn't watch the bottom line? Also, has it really been 5 years already?

[rusnak]

I don't know Vash, sorry. But if you can swing this, then you'll be in awesome position to spend her money...ah your joint money.. when she starts working. Nurses make big money. Via con Dios, brother.

[widgeon13]

As Henny Youngman used to say, "My wife is a magician, she can turn money into shlt."

If I want something, I get it. Life is too short to have to negotiate everything. I tell the same thing to my wife. If she doesn't want to follow that philosophy, that's her problem.

[McLovin]

Learn to not want to spend.

[McLovin]

Are you planning on having kids?

Without kids, you really don't have much to worry about re money.

With two able, employable people, you will always be fine, even if one of you couldn't work for an extended period. Without kids, there's no reason why you both shouldn't be working full time.

Even at low to medium paying jobs, for just two working adults (who are are work 40 hours a week making money, not spending money), you'll always be fine.

[McLovin]

Finally, you should be very grateful for your wife!

I think she's a bit unusual, most wives gladly spend. A free spending wife can cause a huge amount of financial grief. You can be working til you drop dead at 80 to support that.