most wisdom in any post here

Wow. I am overwhelmed by all of the thoughtful posts here. My daughter is my focus. I have 50% custody, but the Ex ends up with more control over the schedule due to the fact that I have to work and she seems to not have to. I trying really hard with my daughter. It is difficult the brainwashing process is often effective now. I really do get the part about not tearing down the Ex. I won't do it, even as I have the police drag her away.

My Girlfriend (almost Fiance) is so awesome. Words can't describe how wonderful she is. She puts up with this situation and she loves unconditionally. I am one lucky dude! I hope I really am bringing something to the table too.

How old is the daughter? Keep your focus on her LONG TERM. Everything happening is chipping away at her success in hs and college. Keep your focus, get your gf on board too. Never speak negatively about mommy with daughter in the house, ever. The daughter will hear you. Even if you are in bed and the door is closed. Kids hear, I promise.

Turn your disappointment with mommy into focus for your little girl. Be the wall of love, strength, support and safety. This, too, shall pass. And when it does, your girl will hug you dearly.

All this and more: Crazy doesn't have a shelf life but children do.

The right thing to do often seems much more difficult in the abstract than in execution.

Best.

She is 12. I hear what you are saying. My girlfriend gets this better than I do. She is the product of a nasty divorce and she knows what my daughter is going through. I look to her for advice on how to handle a lot of situations. She also seems to anticipate the next crazy thing that my Ex will do.

You are so right. It is hard work. It is easy to give in to our feelings of anger and say or do crazy things.

Yeah, that Seahawk is a wise old salt.

Your daughter needs you to be a grown up, things will be very difficult for her, she will blame herself. Be the stable person you have always been for her. NEVER speak ill of her mother, even if your daughter does so. I went through a fairly nasty divorce when my kids were a little younger than yours. It may damage your relationship with your kid for a long time, stay strong and you both will come through it okay.

You can trust and believe that your ex will do none of these things. Seriously, if there is even the remotest possibility your ex will see this site, ask the mods to delete this thread.

You got yourself a hell of a girl there buddy. I would hang on to that one. In the end, kids will make up their own minds about the situation. Keep them out of the conflict. as others have said never put them in the middle or say bad things about the Ex. They see it too, and from different eyes. They will respect you end the end for not making them tales a side. I went through a very ugly divorce like yours 30 years ago. In the end, my daughter believes in me, my son believes in his mother. To this day, at age 31, he and I still don't "click". Don't know why, it's just the way it turned out. You have my deepest sympathy.

I agree with everything above except for getting the cops involved. If u didn't have a child I would. But at 12, you will have a hard time justifying calling the Police to a 12 year old's mommy. If u do this, you risk becoming the bad guy right at the age when a kid can start goIng down the wrong path. If u really feel your life or anyone else's is in real danger, then do what u gotta do. Otherwise I would play it cool unless your kid is wise beyond her years and will understand the comexity of all this

My own experiences tell me that you should not email her. You should not communicate with her unless it's in response to a rational communication from her. That she justified her behavior with an apology and explaining that the gf wouldn't open the door says it all.

I have no hope that she will eventually "get the idea". People who are really obviously disturbed are usually suffering from a mental illness and don't wake up one day and act normal. It takes years of medication and therapy and that doesn't always work.

To me it's almost like an old dog you once got on with great but now has rabies. The old dog is still in there but the sickness is overtaking it.

Trust me, if u continue to reach out to her, she will create ideas in her head that you still care and when u dont live up to her delusions, your gonna get bit