Update???? Art what happened to you!?!

x2.

Sorry for the lack of details, but let's just say our student didn't like us very much. She stopped talking to me and our daughter and would only talk to our son and my wife. We had several "sit-downs" and she said everything was OK and she was just shy but that wasn't the case.

We really had to force her to be involved with school activities (tennis, choir) and she volunteered at a local animal shelter (my wife arranged this) and she had the right classes and right teachers (my wife arranged this also), we took her on short trips to see more of Michigan, took her with us as we went out to eat, took her and our daughter to a Muse concert, etc... and she just did not like us...

The AFS advisor and local people tried to help, but it became clear that our student just didn't want to be here and she REALLY did not want to be with us, but by the time all of that was apparent, it was May. Another family who had previously hosted took Dina for the last 6 weeks and they did not have a pleasant time of it, either. We met Dina's parents when they came to visit and it was clear that their daughter ran the household. We wanted her parents to meet us and see that we aren't "monsters" and I think it served that purpose, but overall it was an unpleasant experience that had my wife and daughter in tears many times.

While our student was with us, our daughter's boyfriend was tragically killed (auto accident) and my mother-in-law passed after a long illness, so we had more than our share of family trauma, which didn't help...

I would strongly recommend that people get involved in exchange programs and AFS was a very supportive organization and their people were the best!

On a more positive note, our daughter is spending a month in Vienna, Austria in July, visiting her friend Hannah and her family. Hannah was an exchange student that we met and Hannah and our daughter became very good friends, so it's a nice outcome from this experience. Hannah is a joy to host and most of the kids are like her, not like the student we had.

I don't want our experience to discourage anyone else, I would just recommend that if any situations develop, that they be addressed as early as possible to spare everyone a lot of heartache.

That's too bad, but not surprising. I can go both ways. As I mentioned, I didn't like my host family when I was an exchange student in 1988, they even kicked me out of the house and we're all great friends today and see each other about once a year. In fact, just this morning I called my dearest elderly friend in eastern Germany I only met through the second host family after the first one kicked me out. Soooo happy that happened. That was almost 26 yrs. ago.

One of the kids at my prep school who went to be an exchange student in Germany at the same time I did also didn't fare well. I knew his host family well and they said he was trouble, immediately fell in with the wrong crowd, etc.

We hosted a German girl for a few weeks before the semester started and she was pretty hard to get through to, would spend most of the day in her room with her headphones on. Even my speaking German with her and knowing her neck of the woods very well didn't get much rapport going.

But man, I really have no regrets about any of it. The friends I made through all that are still close friends to this day. I've been to visit a friend in Austria at least 20x and I met her when I was 13 and she was 16 on a student exchange in my town in NJ.

I think we had 12 Au Pairs or so, three which didn't work out. It happens.

In the Au Pair world, they are very careful to assign any blame for failed match-ups. The young women that don't work out and want to stay and work for another family are called "Floaters" (we snagged 3 over the years) and any family that gets a rep is out of the program.

They are all screened, as we were, after issues.

My wife and kids are friends with the majority of young women that were here, flew over for weddings, visited when they travel, all but one has been back to see us, etc. My Daughters Facebook looks like a U.N. web page.

But it can and does go south. I'm just glad you made it through, Art.

I did a 6 month exchange program in Cambridge. Most of my fellow students landed nice homes (working heat, clean, laundry facilities) with friendly families. Me not so much. I spent most of my time out of the house. It happens. Kudos to you for trying!

Thanks, guys! It could have been worse, at least our student was polite, clean and helped in the kitchen and didn't stay out late at night, smoke, etc...

Our daughter is staying with an Austrian family for a month in Vienna this coming summer and that would not have happened without this experience, so that's something very positive. The AFS liaison family and others helped as much as they could but all agreed that there wasn't anything that we could do to make this young woman happy, she is just not wired for happiness and contentment.

My wife thinks that one day she may turn around and get in touch with us after she realizes what we tried to do for her, but that is overly optimistic and will take a long time!

We had two German foreign exchange students one for a year and then another one the following year. I just kept them juiced on Kentucky Bourbon and Mescal till their parents came to pick them up. It was a blast! Sorry to hear your experience isn't going as well Art.

When I saw the initial posts on this I thought to myself that this could go really bad or really good. But I withheld comment. I am very risk adverse and never would have done this...even though I have worked with young people, coached little league, etc. It is just too much responsibility and you are getting a "pig in a poke". Many of you are much better people than I am to do this. I know that I have two children...and when they were 17, one was impossible and the other was an angel. Both were raised exactly the same. People have free will and often either fall in with a bad crowd (or are the bad crowd). We never think it is our kid (or exchange student)...but it is someone's. We often just fool ourself. Glad it was not worse.